Hello there. I'm about to confess love and this is my very first time, so i fell really uncertain about...well, everything. But i believe you can give me some advice and guide me though my doubts.
First of all...i'm not even sure if i should...It's not like she doesn't like me and my only hope is some sort of miracle, but still. Feels like every sign that she likes me counter itself with opposite sign, so it's like my chances are 50/50. So there're some things that i can think of, maybe they'll help you tell me if i should even try:
1)Well, when we just became acquainted she was about to move to another city. So i believed that i'll probably never meet with her ever again. And how ironic - i'm moving to the same city. So whole point of this paragraph is that i didn't see any potential in our relationship. And, from what i've heard, at this time, i made the biggest mistake - i talked with her about another girls. Mostly it was me telling how not-so-well my sorta-date went, as i can remember. I don't know if that ruining my chances(would be glad if you'd tell me ) but i consider this my biggest mistake that has no sign-that-she-likes-me counter.
2)I initiated every of our meetings, except the very first one. She came to the city where i currenly live to her family for a holiday and we decided to meet while she was here. To be exact, i agreed to meet with her. She came back several times and each time we went for a walk(first time it was cinema)
3)Our conversations goes well...maybe way too well. Don't know, not having any sort of arguement seems like a good thing, like, we get on with each other well...or she might not care about having arguement with me...because she doesn't care about me...(that sounds pessimistic, isn't it? Again, I'VE HEARD that having some sort of arguement is...well...better? than not having any)
4)She once asked me about my love feelings, if i've ever been in love, deep love with somebody. I told her i'm currently in that state. Well, i meant i love her, but it didn't look like she got my message... or acted like she didn't get it...i don't know (i don't know nothing )
5)When it comes to physical contact...that's when it becomes super unclear to me. The only way she physically contacts me is that she always has some story that has somebody being scared in it and when she tells it she says "and then he/she is like..." then she grabs my elbows and goes a bit behind and closer to me. And also in case we're waiting for bus or we're in a line in supermarket she puts her head on my shoulder. And that's it, nothing else. But she allows me to touch her however i like and she won't try to..."escape" me or say anything. I even kissed her several times - still nothing. I believe that's a good sign, but what if she's just holding herself back just because, dunno, doesn't want to argue of something? Also she doesn't show any enthusiasm as well when i'm touching her
I hope this gives you the idea of my situation and i also hope you'd be able to answer my mini-questions in 3,4 and 5th paragraph
Second of all, how should i present it? She knows me for 3 years, knows me pretty well so i was thinking:
1)Should i act cool? I mean talk about myself like i'm a man that she was looking for for her entire life(even though i'm 18 and she's 19. Yes,she's older. I guess that's important too. Well, at least i look older than her, mostly because of the height difference) i mean, girls like this type of guys, right?
2)Or shall i be honest? Exposing my true feelings seems right, we both admit honesty afterall. "I might not be the best guy in the universe, but..." stuff might not be something a girl would like to hear, but she's clever enough to understand, that,well, that's how it is, that i'm not perfect, but just a human like she is.
Even though i prefer 2nd, there's one problem(you won't believe it) - i'm actually usually A LOT more confident about things. Even she admitted that i'm confident. But it seems like when it comes to love - my confidence dissappears completely. It's driving me crazy. It's like being a good player in a game with dice - it doesn't depend on you completely.
Summing everything up - i hope you can tell me better way to confess and if i even should. Thanks a lot for your attention and future replies
P.S. hope there aren't many mistakes