Where should I be looking then?

[TheEvilJester]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]
Relationship can grow from sex. Like a lot of people have sex in early dates and then after more sex feelings can hit them and thats where relationship can happen. I know you want love but these days love often comes after sex for most people, sex is like easyest part and girls ussualy get attached sooner to guys from sex. And not jerking off would force you to seek contact with girls and try to date them and make you interested in sex more. And when theres love then sex just gets better. You need to balance these two things Jester, cause girls dont just want love but they want sex too. Otherwise you should be looking at christian girls.

I heard this love song today, guy is singing to a girl. Translated from russian - "Who made you like that? Everyone is fcking you but Im kissing you."

[MENTION=69470]CleanCut[/MENTION] Thing about bald head is that smart girls wont mind it. Only shallow stupid girls will comment on it or find it as turnoff. So you need a girl who understands and accepts diferences, who understands that everyone have differences in looks and pretty big ones. Its not about how you look but what you do. Talkative personality can compensate the artificial things. Its the energy that attracts girls.

Oh yeah, for sure you are right, PC. Especially in this day and age. Thing is.... that's not me. Not at all. It is also not something on which I am willing to compromise. If I DID, the type of women I would be most likely to attract would be the kind I don't want. ....Well, okay, the kind I'D be most likely to attract would be none. LOL! But, my point being that would be much more likely to attract women who value sex more than I personally feel is appropriate. That doesn't mean they are wrong. If that is what works for them, that is great for them. But, it IS wrong for me.

So, I do actually think you may be on to something.... it's just that it isn't for me, personally. Again, like I said, if some sick twisted Djinn were going to grant me a wish.... but I had to choose from two options 1) I get all the sex I ever want, but it is always with different women and they never actually love me OR 2) I meet a woman who is perfect for me, and I for her. We fall deeply, madly in love and have everything else anybody could want from that..... but we never have sex. Without even a moment's hesitation, I'd pick option 2. Again, extremely hypothetical situation because any healthy relationship should involve sex as well. I'm just saying, giving the option between the two, I'd pick love.

Frankly, when it comes right down to it.... I'd also rather accept being alone for the rest of my life than to have meaningless sex with a bunch of women. So, again, hoping to find a relationship through sex is just not for me.

Did that for most my life and nothing happened, which contributed to why my first ever date was at the age of 29. I can't do nothing again or for sure nothing will happen...

Jeez, CleanCut.... the more you share, the more you sound JUST like me. That whole "love will come when you AREN'T looking" sort of advice actually IS really good advice. Sometimes when you are too desperately looking for love, that is exactly the worst time to find it. Sometimes it is when you are least likely to find it. So, to stop actively searching for it can sometimes be the best advice. Not to be closed to the possibility, of course, but to just not be actively searching it out. It IS great advice.....

But, just like you it has never worked for me. I've tried that too. Not that it is exactly something you can "try" per se. Not in the traditional sense. It is more an attitude you can embrace. Of being happy without love and not actively looking for it..... but remaining open to it should it present itself to you. I've done that. It never presents itself to me. LOL! So, like you, it definitely seems to me like if I do nothing.... then nothing will happen. Problem is, it seems like I get the same result even if I do try.

Sincerely, I hope that ceases to be the case for you, though. You deserve somebody great. You deserve happiness. Hoping you find it very soon.... or it finds you. Good luck, friend.

[CleanCut]

Oh yeah, for sure you are right, PC. Especially in this day and age. Thing is.... that's not me. Not at all. It is also not something on which I am willing to compromise. If I DID, the type of women I would be most likely to attract would be the kind I don't want. ....Well, okay, the kind I'D be most likely to attract would be none. LOL! But, my point being that would be much more likely to attract women who value sex more than I personally feel is appropriate. That doesn't mean they are wrong. If that is what works for them, that is great for them. But, it IS wrong for me.

So, I do actually think you may be on to something.... it's just that it isn't for me, personally. Again, like I said, if some sick twisted Djinn were going to grant me a wish.... but I had to choose from two options 1) I get all the sex I ever want, but it is always with different women and they never actually love me OR 2) I meet a woman who is perfect for me, and I for her. We fall deeply, madly in love and have everything else anybody could want from that..... but we never have sex. Without even a moment's hesitation, I'd pick option 2. Again, extremely hypothetical situation because any healthy relationship should involve sex as well. I'm just saying, giving the option between the two, I'd pick love.

Frankly, when it comes right down to it.... I'd also rather accept being alone for the rest of my life than to have meaningless sex with a bunch of women. So, again, hoping to find a relationship through sex is just not for me.



Jeez, CleanCut.... the more you share, the more you sound JUST like me. That whole "love will come when you AREN'T looking" sort of advice actually IS really good advice. Sometimes when you are too desperately looking for love, that is exactly the worst time to find it. Sometimes it is when you are least likely to find it. So, to stop actively searching for it can sometimes be the best advice. Not to be closed to the possibility, of course, but to just not be actively searching it out. It IS great advice.....

But, just like you it has never worked for me. I've tried that too. Not that it is exactly something you can "try" per se. Not in the traditional sense. It is more an attitude you can embrace. Of being happy without love and not actively looking for it..... but remaining open to it should it present itself to you. I've done that. It never presents itself to me. LOL! So, like you, it definitely seems to me like if I do nothing.... then nothing will happen. Problem is, it seems like I get the same result even if I do try.

Sincerely, I hope that ceases to be the case for you, though. You deserve somebody great. You deserve happiness. Hoping you find it very soon.... or it finds you. Good luck, friend.

Yeah, I know what you guys mean, but I just don't have that kind of luck. Nothing positive ever comes looking for me. I have to keep looking, not desperately, because I'm not desperate, but just have to always be looking to get anywhere with this.

Thanks though.

[Jffs24]

Bookstores or internet cafes. If not already stated -- had two friends meet people at each of those places recently. The bookstore that one friend met at had a reading by a author they both liked -- so right off a common denominator and something to talk about. If you have a dog, a dog park. If you don't have a dog can volunteer to walk, sit one on the weekends and use as a meeting tool.

[CleanCut]

Good suggestion, but I would be out of place in those locations as I don't buy or read books nor do I like coffee and I really dislike dogs, so it would not be an interest that could be shared with any girls spending time in those places unfortunately.

[pcmaster]

Well Clean the number one rule to connect with people is to fake interests. Its like you are interested in what they are interested even if you are not. that gives something to talk about and helps connection. Its not like you have to fake it all the time but from the beginning until get to know the person.

[CleanCut]

Well Clean the number one rule to connect with people is to fake interests. Its like you are interested in what they are interested even if you are not. that gives something to talk about and helps connection. Its not like you have to fake it all the time but from the beginning until get to know the person.

I know, but it would be so great to find a girl that actually shared some hobbies with me, but women don't like my main hobbies. I'm a car guy and women just don't like car related events. I like going to things like car shows and races, but any girls I meet there are just there because their BF or husband dragged them there. I've never ever met a girl who was single at any car related event. If I could actually find a girl that truly liked both me and cars, that would be a dream come true, but there's pretty much no chance of that happening since practically no women like cars or car guys either for that matter...

[pcmaster]

Well some girls like cars or would like if you showed them that kind of world.

[WiltedRose]

Exactly just like you would try any hobbies/interest they have!


I'm not really into in fishing or football etc but I get myself interested if that's what they like it's something to talk about something they can teach me


I'm actually looking into joining a cycle club and would love to train for a tough mudder even though I'm scared (but you should do something everyday that scares you!) and maybe going back to college to better myself, I'm not looking for love as I'm still hung up but if I make new friends then that'll be awesome.

[CleanCut]

Exactly just like you would try any hobbies/interest they have!


I'm not really into in fishing or football etc but I get myself interested if that's what they like it's something to talk about something they can teach me


I'm actually looking into joining a cycle club and would love to train for a tough mudder even though I'm scared (but you should do something everyday that scares you!) and maybe going back to college to better myself, I'm not looking for love as I'm still hung up but if I make new friends then that'll be awesome.

Well, I would be open to that, even though no one has done that for me before.

BTW, what the heck is with those mud run things and why would anyone want to do that?

[TheEvilJester]

Well Clean the number one rule to connect with people is to fake interests. Its like you are interested in what they are interested even if you are not. that gives something to talk about and helps connection. Its not like you have to fake it all the time but from the beginning until get to know the person.

No offense intended, but I cannot agree with that. I don't think it is ever a good idea to fake interests as an excuse to meet somebody. To me, even if it may be a "little white lie," it is still starting off a relationship with a lie. Not only that, but I am sure you have plenty of ACTUAL interests you can explore through which you may be able to meet women as well. I don't see any reason to fake an interest in something as an ice breaker when you can just explore your ACTUAL interests, and if you find a like-minded female human type then you can break the ice with an interest you two legitimately share.

So, maybe mud runs and book clubs aren't the activities for you.... but I am sure you have plenty of interests you could explore. Explore them not with the idea being maybe you'll meet women. Explore them just because you enjoy them. Explore them simply to enrich your own life. ....Then, maybe you will happen to meet some women who share that particular interest anyway (as well as hopefully many of your interests) and then that is just icing on the cake.

Good luck to you as always.

[alphaMale 29]

Try some day game: go to library, shopping, something like that, be creative

[CleanCut]

Well, the "day game" is certainly tough to do and I can't think of any place that single women would be that I would actually like to hang out long enough to try that. I really don't enjoy being in libraries, stores, or coffee shops.

[pcmaster]

I remember story where guy talked with a girl and he was into rally. She didnt liked rally at all but he talked with such passion about it that he got her attention and she started to like it too. Its like he gave her his energy that hooked her up. And they got married later on.

[alphaMale 29]

I remember story where guy talked with a girl and he was into rally. She didnt liked rally at all but he talked with such passion about it that he got her attention and she started to like it too. Its like he gave her his energy that hooked her up. And they got married later on.

Actually that happens all the time, I know I lot of couples meet on similar way...

[TheEvilJester]

Well, the "day game" is certainly tough to do and I can't think of any place that single women would be that I would actually like to hang out long enough to try that. I really don't enjoy being in libraries, stores, or coffee shops.

Golly, I SO understand how you feel. I'm the same way. There's really not all that much I enjoy doing that ISN'T more of a solo thing. I love to read.... but I don't like being disturbed/interrupted when I do, so hanging out at a library in hopes of meeting people wouldn't work for me. I love movies.... but a big part of that is allowing myself to get lost in the movie, so that's not exactly a social experience for me either. Again, I wouldn't want to be interrupted. I HATE shopping and do it only out of necessity, so you'd never find me hanging out in a mall for fun. I don't drink coffee, so that is out for me too.

I will say, I recently have added some hobbies that happen to be more social. I started a board gaming group around 4 or 5 years ago.... thing is that mostly only attracts like-minded male nerds. We've had women stop by now and then but it is usually few and far between. Even the ones who do are almost always just a one time visitor or they stop in here and there. But, that is pretty rare. Cosplay is the other more social hobby I've recently taken up. Who knows.... maybe some day I will meet somebody through that. I doubt it, though. I don't really go out of my way to socialize when doing it. I definitely AM much more comfortable and A LOT less shy when I'm in costume. It's just that I am doing it for fun and because it makes me happy. So, to try to use it to find a date would likely ruin it for me because it would only make me miserable again.

Anyway.... that was a lot of blah blah blah to basically say that I SO understand how you feel. I too wish I could find somewhere to go/some hobby to explore that could help me meet women. It's just, I don't want to fake being interested in something I'm not, and most of what I like to do doesn't inherently lend itself to meeting women.