Estate Bequest to Former Significant Others - Right or Wrong?

[mlm009]

First-off, I’m single, never-been-married, with no children and currently cohabiting with my partner of over three years. I recently relocated to that person’s home in Southern CA.
This person incessantly causes conflict (almost on a daily basis) about an outdated will/estate plan that I’m in the process of overhauling. Recent history: In mid 2015, my mother passed, as well as three others very close to me. I was also a passenger who was severely injured in a high-speed automobile in August of that year. In August 2016, I was struck by a vehicle in another “hit & run” crash that left me injured for another 6 months.

In light of all this drama, I’m drafting an entirely new document.

Because I have no heirs, during the course of the initial draft (around 2012), I thought long and hard about persons in my past who have had a significant impact on my life and those who have taught me lessons in making me the person I am today. Since a traumatic breakup in 1993, I’ve become extremely introspective and am always striving to become better with each and every day, whether it’s engaging in learning new things about the world, or improving in my interactions with others around me. Incidentally, it was the breakup in 1993 that was the impetus in embarking on my advanced degree in the field of social psychology/human relationship dynamics. This single accomplishment has completely changed my life.

My outdated will and last testament bequeaths a vintage vehicle to a former partner (1984-1993). Another vintage vehicle is bequeathed to another former partner (1999-2009). Besides my wonderful late parents, both persons have had extremely significant impact in my life and growth as a person.

My current partner is aware that I’ve been contemplating the draft of a new will/estate plan.

In a somewhat inebriated conversation late one evening, my partner mentioned that they really like one of the vehicles.
I replied, “As it stands right now, If I were to die, that vehicle would belong to so & so…”
I wholly regret making this statement for it has, and continues to cause extreme discord in our relationship. My partner continues to bring this up on an almost daily basis, typically after their 3rd or 4th alcoholic drink.
During the course of these episodes, my partner will incessantly remark that I desire to have these individuals “back in my life” and that I’m “living in the past.”

I have decided to sell the vehicles to keep the peace. Perhaps, when I’m gone, I may not rest in peace…

As a side note: My partner is currently the sole beneficiary of life insurance, brokerage and bank accounts currently worth over $750,000. In addition, this person is the sole beneficiary of tens of thousands of dollars-worth of electronics, vintage musical instruments, art and collectibles.

My partner says I’m wrong, and I’m a “terrible partner,” for bequeathing two of my vehicles to my former partners.

Can a neutral third party who is knowledgeable and experienced in estates, relationships, and death wishes please tell me if I’m right or wrong?

Your attention is very deeply appreciated!

[GLYC]

Im young (25) but.

In my opinion, its your decision. Those women held a special time in your life, and like you said helped you grow into the person you are today.
You're thankful for having them in your life.

I feel the same way about anybody I've had any kind of mutual romance with in my life, course, I haven't had any relationships for that amount of time.

I see nothing wrong with it. You were with those women for 10 years.
While I think a lot of people are more bitter about past partners, you're mature about it.
Thumbs up to you, the world would be a much more beautiful place if more people could be like this.

This woman has known you for 3. She isnt entitled to anything, nor is ANYBODY else, no matter how long they've known you for. So remember that.

Also with past partners, if somebody really screwed you over, example: cheated on you, despite it being a learning experience, I would be hesitant to reward a person for that behavior. The whole picture might come into play in some cases, if they had apologized and grew as a person.

I would be pretty pissed if anybody tried to call me a terrible person for what I plan on doing with my money once I pass.
They could chime in an opinion if a person treated me like crap. But otherwise, nah.

Realistically mine would go to parents, and siblings. Possibly in the future when i have more possessions, friends or long-term lovers that I had very good experiences with if I was single with no heirs at the time.

[Exeter19]

it's your money, your possessions - so it is your choice on how much and to whom you leave anything to.

[mlm009]

While I think a lot of people are more bitter about past partners, you're mature about it.
Thumbs up to you, the world would be a much more beautiful place if more people could be like this.

This woman has known you for 3. She isnt entitled to anything, nor is ANYBODY else, no matter how long they've known you for. So remember that.

I would be pretty pissed if anybody tried to call me a terrible person for what I plan on doing with my money once I pass.

My partner has consulted with their mom, sister, other family members and friends and has concluded that I am wrong and mentally ill. However, the opinions on this forum have been unanimous thus far in saying that it's all up to my wishes.
I have also consulted with my long-time mentor, who is a retired psychotherapist, professor and noted author on relationships. He agrees with everybody on this forum.

Since this issue pervades my life on an almost daily basis, I'm thinking of having the both of us see a neutral/unbiased, third-party counselor who is experienced in romantic relationships. This way they can hear it from an expert. My partner is being resistive in this endeavor, however, and insists that I need to seek help myself.

[GLYC]

My partner has consulted with their mom, sister, other family members and friends and has concluded that I am wrong and mentally ill. However, the opinions on this forum have been unanimous thus far in saying that it's all up to my wishes.
I have also consulted with my long-time mentor, who is a retired psychotherapist, professor and noted author on relationships. He agrees with everybody on this forum.

Since this issue pervades my life on an almost daily basis, I'm thinking of having the both of us see a neutral/unbiased, third-party counselor who is experienced in romantic relationships. This way they can hear it from an expert. My partner is being resistive in this endeavor, however, and insists that I need to seek help myself.

Stand up for yourself. And stand your ground, but still manage to be respectful and calm. Listen to her and communicate with her, but you don't have to agree with her. She's probably an attractive woman who is used to getting everything the way she's ever wanted it to be in her life and has never encountered any resistance. This is your entire life's creation of monetary value, all of the time and effort that you've devoted in your career. She needs to respect your decision, and speaking of respect, I would remind her that her talking about this with her family, and friends isn't what you want. This has nothing to do with them, and you would like for these matters to be held private. This is personal stuff. They don't have to know about your will, this doesn't concern them.

Also for her to be calling you mentally ill? Disrespectful. Don't tolerate that.

It's up to you to seek the unbiased third party source. If you think it will help, do it. However, I think you're right where you're at.