Could it be that he doesn't know how to flirt ?

[Prin1982]

Ok so I met this guy in Tinder, we went out for dinner and then he asked if I would like to go to Karaoke where his friends were. I actually had a great time..... His female friend added me immediately to Facebook which i thought was strange but no big deal. Around 2am we left. We made out outside for a good while before we got to our cars. The thing is I was there on business and was going back to my country. We kept in touch but every time he would start a conversation with me was about the weather. One day he sent me an audio saying a friend he has kissed before wanted to give him kissing advice. Then he was asking if all Latinas were taught to kiss the same because every Latina he has kissed is a very good kisser and he wanted me to know I was a really good kisser. Anyway messages every now and then were sent.
Later I returned on business again. We agreed on having dinner again but earlier on the week his female friends invited me to the karaoke bar. Turns out he was there with some girl which is fine. So I was talking to people he got me a beer etc but we didn't talk much. When they were leaving he apologized for not talking much which I said was fine. The following day he sent a text too once again apologising for the same thing. I repeated no big deal. His friend while talking to other people pointed out that they were not together....like if she wanted me to know. Long story short we went out to dinner...everything was so much better than the first time, we laugh, had fun and a good night. When we left he hold me tight for a bit but we did not kiss. Then later that night he text me a picture of himself with his cats ( which I had no clue he had).....so now the conversations are about our pets lol. I'm moving there for a year.....so I find him hard to read, not sure if he might be interested in me but since I'm not there yet he is keeping the distance or what the deal is. His friend tho, we have gone out a few times and she is very nice, but I do wonder why would she invited me to come over if he was with another girl? ( just for the record, she is married). What do you guys think?

[Prin1982]

Third time I write in this forum and nobody seems to reply

[TheEvilJester]

This forum used to seem a lot more active than it is lately. I don't know what the heck happened. It has been deader than dead.

To be honest with you, I'm honestly not entirely clear on your story here. All I can say is, from the little you have shared with us here, I would say it sounds like he is interested in you. Now, I could be wrong. Maybe he only likes you as a friend. I don't know. But.... since neither do you, apparently he hasn't been terribly forthcoming with that information. So, I think your best bet would just be to ask him out. Make it clear it is specifically with a date in mind. Make your own intentions clear. Otherwise, unless he finally makes it clear somehow whether he likes you as a friend or more, you'll just keep wondering. Yes, it is certainly nice when the guy makes the first move. Traditionally it is generally the guy who does.... BUT, it doesn't HAVE to be. Especially in this day and age. So, rather than be left wondering, why not try making the first move yourself and see how that goes?

Just be careful that it doesn't become a habit in your relationship if you two actually DO hit it off. In other words, it is okay if you make the first move..... but it shouldn't proceed that you ALWAYS have to. You shouldn't have to basically drag him through every step of the relationship. Sometimes he should take initiative as well. Or.... perhaps you will try only to find out he only wants to be friends. That may hurt initially, but at least you will know and then you can move on. Either way, I wish you the best of luck.

[Prin1982]

I kind of asked him out. While I was still in my country and we were messaging...we were talking about food, so I told him I would have certain kind once I got to the US. He replied let me know if you want company. So once I got there....a few days after I asked him if he wanted to have sushi certain day. He told me he would love to but that day was his birthday and he was having dinner with family, so he proposed another day. Later on the day we were actually going out he asked if we could reschedule because he wasn't feeling good so I said ok but then I figured.....since he cancelled....if he still wants to see me he will make contact and a few days later he asked if I would want to go have sushi x day.
In a way I think he gave me too many explanations about the other girl, apologized for not talking and then could have easily just cancel and forget about going anywhere with me.

I guess I will have to wait once I'm there permanently to see how it goes.

[TheEvilJester]

Maybe this is just me, but I think based on what you just shared, if I were you I'd personally just stop asking him. At least at this point. In other words, sure stuff can happen. Plus, the first time was his birthday and he had plans, so that makes sense.... And sure, the second time maybe he really just wasn't feeling well.

...But at this point you've tried twice and he had to pass/cancel. So, if it were me, I'd wait to see if he reaches out to reschedule and if he does not, I'd just take that as a hint he isn't interested and move on. Of course, sometimes I'm not sure if I am just being overly cynical because of my own life experiences. So, if he does not bother to reach out to reschedule, you could perhaps try one last time and see if at least then you two finally actually do go out.

But again, I will point out that patience is a great virtue to possess... but even that can and should have a breaking point. In other words, you shouldn't have to basically drag him into a date/relationship. I mean, honestly, if he's just shy or something like that I can certainly understand that. I, myself, am ridiculously shy. Even so, if I were lucky enough to have a woman interested in me, I wouldn't jerk her around like this (whether or not that is his intention) I would try to move forward. Being shy is one thing, but at some point you have to learn to get past that with people.

Good luck to you once again.

[Prin1982]

Ok just to clarify, I've only asked him out once, then he said if we could do it xx day because it was his bday.Then on that day he cancelled and I figured if he wanted to go out he would be the one saying something because I was certainly not! So he reached me to ask if I would want to go out and so we did.
I have it clear....friendship or something else....it's a 2 way road, not one person chasing the other one! 😁

[TheEvilJester]

Oh, okay. That's "my bad," then. (Are the kids still saying "my bad" these days? ) I had more thought you meant you actively tried to schedule it for that day and he told you he couldn't because it was his birthday. Then you later rescheduled and he canceled that. It sounds like you are more saying all of that was in one instance. In other words, you asked him out and he basically said "Sure, I just can't do XYZ date because I have plans."

So, yeah, more like one of occurrence rather than two. As it is, it sounds like he did finally take that step and you two went out. So, that is great! Good luck to you. I hope it goes well. The whole thing, I mean. I think it sounds like you said the date itself already happened, but I could have misunderstood. Either way, good luck.

[Prin1982]

Speaking of the devil....he text me really late last night. Guess what to tell me how hot it has been 😂 Made me wonder what could he be possibly thinking to text at his 1:30am.....11:30pm in my country

[TheEvilJester]

I don't recall admitting that I'm a demon, or saying anything about my boss. ....Oh.... wait.... that's a saying, isn't it? You didn't literally mean the devil.

Kidding, of course. (Or AM I?! DUN DUN DUN!!!!)

Was he maybe drunk/drinking? Drunk people have no concept of time. LOL! Then again, 1:30 am isn't SUPER late. I mean, to me personally that is too late to be texting somebody.... but my point just being it isn't so late that it seems crazy he'd be awake that late. Not only that, but you mentioned 1:30 AM his time was your 11:30 PM your time. So, 11:30 PM is also, in my book, not a super late time to text somebody. I still think I'd personally not text somebody that late and prefer they not text me that late, but it is more of a gray area.

[Prin1982]

Maybe the saying doesn't translate well in English 😁
My mom texts at 3am lol and I'm like what are you doing awake at that time?
I don't think he was drunk.....told me there were two days that were really hot and he has not turn the a/c on. That it was too hot to sleep. Then I said I had a busy week working late and he said he did too... parties every day lol. He works with the elderly so parties for them.

Will see how it goes once I'm there. It's cute that he keeps in touch...

[Hooo!]

Yes.
Probably virgin too

[TheEvilJester]

Maybe the saying doesn't translate well in English ��

No, it does. I was just making a corny joke. I guess you haven't known me around here long enough to know how bad my jokes are. LOL!

[Prin1982]

That would be correct hehe.

Ok I have a question for you.....just thinking about my life in general haha. So I will be moving to the US for a year....either with this guy I already met or any other guy.....technically I should be leaving after a year so if I tell that to any guy I date....wouldn't that be like saying they could have fun with me for a while meaning not getting serious?

I'm not the kind that fools around. I've only had two relationships in mu life so I'm more the serious kind.

Also I'm divorced so it's not like I'm going to meet people and say my name is XX and I'm divorced but I don't want to keep it secret for too long either.

I'm a mess on all the things I worry and think about before anything even happens.

What you think?

[TheEvilJester]

Well, first I don't think you are a mess at all. We are ALL a mess to some degree. You certainly are not weird for worrying about things before they even happen. In fact, I honestly think that is wise. It's just you have to learn to balance it so you don't worry TOO much. As somebody who often has to struggle not to worry too much, I can tell you it isn't easy, but you can get there.

As far as you moving for a year.... I'd say to any guy (whether it is this fella or somebody else) you may meet you just be honest. If it is somebody back home, then you just let them know that you are going to be leaving for a while but expect to be back in whatever amount of time. If you happen to meet somebody while on your trip, then even there you are just honest with them that you are only going to be there for so long. If they don't want to get involved because they know distance would later be an issue then that makes sense.

But, you never know. Maybe you could find something/somebody really special and you two would find a way to make it work. So, maybe right before a lengthy trip, or during a trip that will eventually end, are not the best times to meet somebody. ...BUT, if it happens, it happens. Don't actively avoid it. Just be honest with the person and see where things go.

Good luck to you.

[Prin1982]

Thank you

I will definetly tell I'll be leaving.

About the guy I've wrote.....most likely will keep him as a friend only.
My friends went camping with him and he brought another girl....which is fine but after this girl left, another one arrived....and once he was back he text me.....so seems like the guy is more like a ladies man.

Will wait and see what the future holds for me