Stick It Out or Let Go

[rlynn]

Hello, all- bear with me on this lengthy post.

I met a guy a few weeks ago via Bumble (a dude mine field, I might add). Super nice and respectful, no half naked bathroom or gym photos, didn’t talk about his junk, and his profile said he was a ‘grown-ass adult, single and monogamous”. Just to set the stage. We went out once and had a great time. Didn’t hear from him for awhile and that was fine. He tried contacting me 2 more times, and finally we went out when I was free (and had texted quite a bit). He said he liked me and had wished he hadn’t wasted time getting into contact with me again. We have talked about a fair amount of personal things. We have not had sex.

Anyhoo, the day after we went out for the second time, he bantered with me via text and then that afternoon said he was going to be gone for about a week, but told me he had a great time and would let me know when he was home the following week. I didn’t hear from him while he was gone (which was ok) and did not hear from him the night he was supposed to be back. I did send a text to him the following day to check in and that night he came into town (with a deadline looming) to meet me for a quick meal.

After the meal, he told me that he wasn’t sure what the next couple months of his life were going to look like, as he was so busy. (He even showed me his phone and said, ‘look, it’s a constant stream of work texts’). He leaves next week again for 2 weeks, but asked what my schedule looked like for the rest of this week, and that he would try and find some time to see me before he left again. But he also told me not to be ‘super bummed’ if he ‘fell off the face of the earth’ for awhile. I asked him if it would be OK if I sent him a text now and again and he made a face like, ‘seriously?’ When I protested, he said, ‘yes, text me. I will let you know if work is ever too insane to talk.’ He then walked me to my car, gave me a hug, and said he’d talk to me soon.

PHEW! Ok, now: my issue is not that I think he’s not busy (he absolutely and clearly is). He’s been very straight forward, up front, and not told me a bunch of lies or promises. My question is, do I wait, send the occasional text, and hope he crops back up? I fully understand that it might not happen, and I will not be spending my time pining for him. However I do like him and would not want to waste the opportunity to get to know him better. He seems to be interested and, again, has been very clear about his work being very busy at the moment.

My plan is to let him know that I am not in a rush, that I like him, and would like the opportunity to get to know him better if it presents itself. What say you? Worth it to stick it out, keep expectations limited, and see what happens?

Oh, I should also mention- when we first started talking about a month or so ago, he was NOT this busy, he's just recently took on some added responsibilities with his current job and a new one. So he'd established he liked me before this uptick in his work.

[lovemenot]

I would surely advice to stick it out. If you like him and he seems into you, then why not?
That is of course if you can truly keep your expectations limited, which I know might be easier said than done.
But if you can and you are ok with waiting, then sure wait. It wasn't that he's with you just for the occasional sex and and he really doesn't tell lies, he seems like a good guy.
If he took up a new job and some added responsibilities, it should become less hectic in time and maybe something very beautiful can come out of this.

[TheEvilJester]

I think I would personally recommend sort of an on the fence kind of attitude toward him. In other words.... he's been honest with you rather than to play stupid games with you. That's a big plus. If somebody honestly were just super busy, it is better they just tell you that so you don't try to reach out to them and wonder why they can never give you any time.

On the other hand, his "super busy" life COULD just be his excuse for not wanting to get all that serious. It doesn't SOUND like he's being dishonest, but you have no real way to know that yet since you don't yet know him well enough. ...Plus, even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is just that crazy busy (and sometimes people actually ARE).... that may still not be enough for you. In which case, no harm no foul on his part. He didn't do anything wrong.... but it may just not be the right relationship for you because you need somebody who DOES have more time for you.

So, for now I think my suggestion would be to leave the option open.... but not consider it your only option. In other words, at this point you two have really only gone out on one actual date. You're not yet all that close. It would be different if you'd become very close or even exclusive, but he was suddenly going to be busy with work for a while. Then I'd say if it seemed like you two had a good thing that you maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and try to wait it out.

Here, though, you two may have hit it off, you still don't yet know each other all that well. So, I would NOT necessarily suggest you simply wait for him. In other words, if the opportunity for other dates with other guys should come up, go for it. Don't put your life on hold for him. .....BUT.... at the same time, I don't see any reason yet to close the door on him either. You can certainly leave the opportunity open that, should he still be interested when he gets back/isn't so busy anymore, you could both give it another shot.

I agree with lovemenot's idea of keeping your expectations limited for now. Leave the door open for him to come back if he is truly interested but just super busy right now..... but just don't put all your eggs in that particular basket. I'm kind of mixing metaphors here, but I hope you get what I mean.

[Hooo!]

What doubts do you have regarding your plan of action?
I don't see the problem.