What is "love", really?

[CleanCut]

You know, after thinking about it for a while; I don't think I really know what "love" is actually. I mean every time that I thought I "loved" a girl, the feelings I felt for them were never been returned, so I guess it wasn't "real" then? I guess that means I have never experienced "love" then, other than physical "love" that is.

So, you tell me, what do you think love actually is? Your opinion/explanation would be appreciated, since I guess I don't really know what love is because apparently caring for someone with mutual respect as well as being sexual with them is not "love", since I have given that as well as giving exactly to women what they said they wanted from a relationship and it is just never enough for them, so I guess what I think "love" is must be incorrect.

So, I ask you guys; what the hell is love then?

[melancholia]

Love can be many different things to many different people. Everyone expresses love, and receives love, in different ways. There's platonic love, familial love, and romantic love. There's infatuation and obsession as well, that many people misinterpret as love, but is really a facade. For me, love is not about reciprocity, it's about giving as much as you can to someone without the expectation of receiving anything in return. Assuming you are asking about romantic love, I think a lot of the time we forget to love a person for exactly who they are, and instead, we try to look for what they have to offer us, when we should be looking at what we can offer them. We try to mold people into a version of someone we wish they were, and generally, it's a version of ourselves we wish to see in them, or a version of what we think love should be because of a skewed perception we've created based off fantasy (i.e. television/movies/books/media etc.). I think when you truly love someone, you are happiest when they are happy and healthy and they are free to be exactly who they want to be, and you consistently offer them support, love, encouragement, and positive energy to allow themselves to be who they want to be. Having said that, it is still important to be with someone who can give you love, too. I think it's important to find someone whose idea of what love is, aligns with yours. If you find someone who speaks a different love language than you do, it can be difficult to communicate your needs, and if you fall into a pattern of dating the same kinds of people, who show love in a different way, it can lead to disappointment if what they have to offer is different from what you need or want.

I am someone who has spent a lot of time pondering the exact same question you're asking, and so my answer comes from personal experience and reflection on years of relationships and varying degrees of love. I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone I loved deeply as well, but our relationship was extremely unhealthy and it came to the point where I could no longer offer him support and love without damaging myself at the same time. It was hard to walk away from, but it was the best decision I could have made. I chose to be single after that and dated casually for just over 3 years before I met my current boyfriend and I could not be happier.

Try to figure out what love means to you, and do not settle for anything less than what you want; but keep in mind that love feels best when you are able to offer as much as you can to someone, and also receive the same love back.

I hope that helps.

[CleanCut]

Love can be many different things to many different people. Everyone expresses love, and received love, in different ways. There's platonic love, familial love, and romantic love. There's infatuation and obsession as well, that many people misinterpret as love, but is really a facade. For me, love is not about reciprocity, it's about giving as much as you can to someone without the expectation of receiving anything in return. Assuming you are asking about romantic love, I think a lot of the time we forget to love a person for exactly who they are, and instead, we try to look for what they have to offer us, when we should be looking at what we can offer them. We try to mold people into a version of someone we wish they were, and generally, it's a version of ourselves we wish to see in them, or a version of what we think love should be because of a skewed perception we've created based off fantasy (i.e. television/movies/books/media etc.). I think when you truly love someone, you are happiest when they are happy and healthy and they are free to be exactly who they want to be, and you consistently offer them support, love, encouragement, and positive energy to allow themselves to be who they want to be. Having said that, it is still important to be with someone who can give you love, too. I think it's important to find someone whose idea of what love is, aligns with yours. If you find someone who speaks a different love language than you do, it can be difficult to communicate your needs, and if you fall into a pattern of dating the same kinds of people, who show love in a different way, it can lead to disappointment if what they have to offer is different from what you need or want.

I am someone who has spent a lot of time pondering the exact same question you're asking, and so my answer comes from personal experience and reflection on years of relationships and varying degrees of love. I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone I loved deeply as well, but our relationship was extremely unhealthy and it came to the point where I could no longer offer him support and love without damaging myself at the same time. It was hard to walk away from, but it was the best decision I could have made. I chose to be single after that and dated casually for just over 3 years before I met my current boyfriend and I could not be happier.

Try to figure out what love means to you, and do not settle for anything less than what you want; but keep in mind that love feels best when you are able to offer as much as you can to someone, and also receive the same love back.

I hope that helps.

Thanks, I just wish I could find someone to be in a long term with so I could figure the love thing out after some time was put into the relationship. I always put full effort and care into the relationships I try to start, but they just act like they care for me for a couple months then bail on me for no apparent reason; so I can't seem to get a long term relationship going. Guess all I can do is keep trying after I get through my treatments and see if my hair grows back so I can start dating again.

Thanks

[melancholia]

I think it's wise to keep in mind that you can't force a relationship. If you've repeatedly entered relationships with people and they consistently end up the same way, then you may be looking for the wrong types of people. Or you're meeting them at the wrong time, possibly. If you focus more on meeting different people and keeping your expectations low, except for the idea of being open to meeting interesting people, I think you may have a better chance at finding a long-term relationship. You have to take the time to really think about what you want, and then make decisions based on those goals you've set for yourself. If you are too strict on the type of person you think you should end up with, or too narrow-minded in your search, then you will only be met with disappointment. I didn't expect to fall in love when I met my current boyfriend; I took things one day at a time and it naturally progressed into what we have now, and I am thankful and happy for the way things have gone for us. But my situation isn't necessarily going to be the same for everyone, and you need to figure out what you want from life. Try to be patient and keep your mind open to the possibility of meeting different people.

I wish you the best of luck in your search for love!

[pcmaster]

Love is when her pussy is wet without you even touching it.

[CleanCut]

Love is when her pussy is wet without you even touching it.

Ha, Ha, Ha, maybe so

[BrianBlaze420]

When you put someone above you, that is love. Ironically we need to put ourselves first... first, and then we can actually show people proper love. Love is not Lust lol but you can mix the two <3

[melancholia]

Love is the opposite of pretty much anything [MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION] says.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, CleanCut, I can honestly say that I understand to a large degree how you feel. I, myself, have spent the majority of my life so badly wanting to find love, and so hopelessly feeling like it will never happen for me, and so powerless to do anything to change that fate even if I try my absolute best. Please understand that I preface this to say I would NEVER, not in a MILLION years recommend this outcome to ANYBODY....

But, I've honestly essentially given up. Though, strictly speaking, I'm not fond of the phrase "giving up." In my case, I just more so equate it to not being stupid. Like, for example, if I tried to climb a wall.... but every time I try I get stabbed by something sharp and pointy and fall.... no matter what I try to avoid that fate.... at some point it isn't brave/determined/etc. to keep trying, it is stupid. At some point, the smart thing to do is to realize when something isn't going to work and to accept that and find another way. I have fought my true nature my whole life because I wanted love. But, recently I've finally accepted that I cannot fight that I am just not meant for this world. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. If I live to be a million years old, that will still never change. Love is not meant for me. I don't know if I will be able to maintain this new state of mind for long..... but I've at least been able to find some sense of real happiness for the first time ever in my life by accepting that rather than continuing to fight it.

So, I honestly don't know anymore what love means to me. Despite all I have been through.... I DO still believe it exists. Just not for me. I'm not okay with that.... but I've come to accept it and move on.

I share this partially in the hopes of showing an example of what NOT to do. Of what NOT to let happen to you. Love is worth trying to find if it is something you truly want. The sad truth is that sometimes the frustrations you've shared with us are just how this sort of story goes. Finding love CAN be a long, exhausting, and frustrating process. That is just life sometimes. But, if and when you do find somebody who really is special.... it will all make sense.

Believe me, I of all people know it is so much easier said than done..... but if you want love, don't give up. ....Just don't let it be something that controls you so much that its pursuit brings you only pain. You deserve happiness, especially given everything you've been through. Find a way to find that happiness within yourself..... and then look for love not as somebody who NEEDS it, but as somebody who wants it anyway. Good luck, my friend.

[CleanCut]

Well, CleanCut, I can honestly say that I understand to a large degree how you feel. I, myself, have spent the majority of my life so badly wanting to find love, and so hopelessly feeling like it will never happen for me, and so powerless to do anything to change that fate even if I try my absolute best. Please understand that I preface this to say I would NEVER, not in a MILLION years recommend this outcome to ANYBODY....

But, I've honestly essentially given up. Though, strictly speaking, I'm not fond of the phrase "giving up." In my case, I just more so equate it to not being stupid. Like, for example, if I tried to climb a wall.... but every time I try I get stabbed by something sharp and pointy and fall.... no matter what I try to avoid that fate.... at some point it isn't brave/determined/etc. to keep trying, it is stupid. At some point, the smart thing to do is to realize when something isn't going to work and to accept that and find another way. I have fought my true nature my whole life because I wanted love. But, recently I've finally accepted that I cannot fight that I am just not meant for this world. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. If I live to be a million years old, that will still never change. Love is not meant for me. I don't know if I will be able to maintain this new state of mind for long..... but I've at least been able to find some sense of real happiness for the first time ever in my life by accepting that rather than continuing to fight it.

So, I honestly don't know anymore what love means to me. Despite all I have been through.... I DO still believe it exists. Just not for me. I'm not okay with that.... but I've come to accept it and move on.

I share this partially in the hopes of showing an example of what NOT to do. Of what NOT to let happen to you. Love is worth trying to find if it is something you truly want. The sad truth is that sometimes the frustrations you've shared with us are just how this sort of story goes. Finding love CAN be a long, exhausting, and frustrating process. That is just life sometimes. But, if and when you do find somebody who really is special.... it will all make sense.

Believe me, I of all people know it is so much easier said than done..... but if you want love, don't give up. ....Just don't let it be something that controls you so much that its pursuit brings you only pain. You deserve happiness, especially given everything you've been through. Find a way to find that happiness within yourself..... and then look for love not as somebody who NEEDS it, but as somebody who wants it anyway. Good luck, my friend.

Damn man, sounds like you have burned even more times than me and I've been burned a lot! Well, even though I'm 32; I only have around a decade or so of life left to live due to my recently acquired brain cancer and I do plan to keep dating after I find out if my hair is going to come back or not after the radiation treatments.

I have dated literally hundreds of women over the last few years and am really starting to think that "love" or long term relationships aren't a possibility for me either. However, once I find a way to regain my confidence after these crazy treatments are over; even though I will be at an even larger disadvantage than before the diagnosis obliviously, I'm going to keep trying as I would really rather not have to die alone, although there is a good chance of that happening now unfortunately since time is against me in a bigger way than ever before in my life.

Maybe at some point we will both have some kind of positive luck and find a partner in life. I certainly would like some good luck for a change since this year has been nothing but hellishly poor luck for me so far.

If you at least have good health, be very thankful for that and spend as much time doing things you enjoy as you can because you never know when nature will throw a true shit bomb at you like the one that has hit me this year.

[pcmaster]

Wanted to be more accurate. - Love is when you are kissing girl and she is wet without you even touching her V.

Also remember what other guy wrote years ago. - Love is when I dont want other dick in her V.

[TheEvilJester]

Damn man, sounds like you have burned even more times than me and I've been burned a lot! Well, even though I'm 32; I only have around a decade or so of life left to live due to my recently acquired brain cancer and I do plan to keep dating after I find out if my hair is going to come back or not after the radiation treatments.

I have dated literally hundreds of women over the last few years and am really starting to think that "love" or long term relationships aren't a possibility for me either. However, once I find a way to regain my confidence after these crazy treatments are over; even though I will be at an even larger disadvantage than before the diagnosis obliviously, I'm going to keep trying as I would really rather not have to die alone, although there is a good chance of that happening now unfortunately since time is against me in a bigger way than ever before in my life.

Maybe at some point we will both have some kind of positive luck and find a partner in life. I certainly would like some good luck for a change since this year has been nothing but hellishly poor luck for me so far.

If you at least have good health, be very thankful for that and spend as much time doing things you enjoy as you can because you never know when nature will throw a true shit bomb at you like the one that has hit me this year.

It's debatable, I suppose. Your problems, it seems, arise from having dated many women and it never goes well. My problem is from never even being able to make it that far. I don't honestly know which is worse. Is it worse to have many, many dates and/or relationships and always have them end only in pain... or is it worse wanting love but never having anybody even slightly interested in you in that way? I'd like to submit that they both F'ing suck.

I have had a serious relationship.... even made the mistake of marrying that particular piece of crap before I realized she was a piece of crap. So, it isn't like I'm completely inexperienced. And, Hell, you'd think that experience would have burnt me badly enough to cause me to stop wanting to look for love. No, THAT actually made me want it even more. I'd experienced something I once THOUGHT was the real thing.... and that made me all the more determined to finally find the real thing.

It was trying to "become human" again after all that and only being reminded that I'm not human that has brought me to my dark fate. That's what finally made me realize that I just do not belong. That if I want SOME kind of happiness I have to accept that rather than keep fighting it.

You don't have to have the same fate. I am very sorry to hear about your health issues. I already knew that about you, actually, from the other thread where you and PC have been conversing. I haven't had anything to add there, but have still been reading it. That really does suck. I cannot even begin to know what to say. Though, the very fact that you may have less years remaining only means you deserve for them to be happy all that much more. The truth of the matter is none of us ever know when our time will be up. So, all of us should do everything we can to live our lives to the fullest. To fight, to scrape, to crawl our way to whatever happiness we can find.

Life is short. Why spend it miserable if you can help it? So, I definitely understand and share your frustrations with the pursuit of this thing we call love. I hope you find it. They say misery loves company, but this is frankly a fate I do not wish to share with anybody (well... okay, maybe some evil people in this world would deserve it). I'd much rather you not suffer the same fate with me. Good luck to you. There IS somebody out there for you if you still wish to find her. It's not always easy, but it will be worth it if you find her.

More importantly, though, if you can the best kind of happiness you can find is happiness within yourself. Like I said, the ultimate goal in that regard would be to be happy enough with yourself that you don't need a relationship..... but that you still want one anyway. I wish that for you. Good luck.

[CleanCut]

Thanks man, at least you had one serious relationship; sorry that one didn't work out for you. Yea you're right, guess none of us really know how long we have in this world and we should all try to find what makes us happy and try to spend time doing that.

I can be somewhat happy alone, but in the few short relationships that I have had, I felt very happy. However, I have lived alone for over 10 years now and is really getting old. I will keep trying I guess, but it is going to be even tougher now with my condition of course. I hope we can both one day find ourselves in happy relationships, but if not I'm at least going to have fun trying.

Thanks again

[pcmaster]

You can always rely on luck.
I didnt believed in luck until got lucky with first girl. And Man its like gambling. Really worth it to risk again and again. Yes its easier to fall in love when your heart havent been broken. And actually your might be not broken since you never been in love for years with one girl. So yoy have a lot to give. Even if its just your love, thats a lot.

[CleanCut]

That's true, I haven't been completely heart broken yet since my relationships have been short, but it does still hurt when you get bailed on for no reason though, even in short term relationships. I'll keep trying to find a solid relationship after I fully recover from my treatments and try to regain my former dating confidence. Sure wish I could get some "life luck" thrown my way though as the only luck I seem to have lately is bad luck.