Is she in a rebound relationship?

[Rosco]

Hi guys,

I need some advice here. I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 3 years, 6 months ago after I found out she had cheated on me.

Long story short, I moved out to live with her for the duration of our relationship. we both met & worked in a summer holiday resort, we arranged our lives so that we could live & work in the same location during the summer so we could be together.

We had a great relationship. Loving, passionate & fun for most of it. We had fights like most couples do. During the summer just past, we had been bickering for a couple of weeks before I found out she had cheated on me with a tourist who was on holiday for a week. i knew something was wrong because she was totally avoiding me, acting very distant & had guilt written all over her face.

I so happened to get an unexpected night off work, went to where she worked & saw this guy & her being very close until she noticed me. she spent the night avoiding us both, but couldn't look me in the eye. I knew right away what had went on that week as soon as I had saw them together. This was the night before this guy went home, so she almost got away with it, only fate had different ideas.

The next day from this, this guy was gone, but she couldn't look me in the eye & she was still acting very distant, she wouldn't speak to me, but was glued to her phone. I knew it was this guy she was texting while i was sat with her!! Anyway, I waited another day to see if she would say anything & she didn't, so i confronted her. She tried to deny it at first, but when she saw how angry i was & that she was caught, she eventually admitted to me that she really liked this guy a lot. I ended it there & then. She pleaded with me not to, but i always told her if she ever cheated that would be it.

I left there early & returned to my country. This guy lives in a bordering country to mine. I removed my ex from all social immediately & deleted all photos of us together, because I couldn't bare to look at her face & be reminded of what she had done. A mutual friend has since told me that she deleted pics of us. This is something she never ever does, she still kept in contact with all of her exes (who she claimed cheated on her) on her social media & pics of them. I never really bothered much, as it was just pictures & she is big on capturing everything in life & we once had this conversation where she said she never deletes pictures because its all memories, so why did she deleted pics of me & times we shared together?

Anyway, my friend said a couple of weeks after she deleted my pics, photos of her & this guy appeared. He has been out to visit her, met her friends & she's posted pics of them, tagging #Boy #Girl #Together. Is that the same as writing boyfriend/girlfriend? Or just a roundabout way of saying it? I know this because I stupidly asked my friend to let me see. I'm not going to lie, although I ended it with her almost 6 months ago, it still hurt, seeing her with this guy that ended our relationship. I know this sounds stupid, but they're not hugging in any of their pictures, some he has his arm around her, but she doesn't have her arm around him. She's not as smitten or as smiley in their pictures as the ones from when our relationship was knew. I know I shouldn't compare it, but I can't help ask what is she doing?

She ended a great relationship by cheating with this loser, thinking she wouldn't get caught. We were not just lovers, we were best friends. She says she really likes this guy? I have since found out that this guy went out to see her again not long after I left, so they've pretty much started dating before my side of the bed was even cold. I know I shouldn't bother about this, and its none of my business what she does now, but it stings knowing she's in a relationship with the guy she cheated with & I know it sounds silly, but deleting pictures of me. Why? Is this just a rebound relationship?

Part of me was happy to see that she wasn't smitten with him in the pictures, but it was a killer seeing that he has been out to the place where we both lived together & that he's now met her friends. Another part of me hopes that this is just a rebound relationship and if its long distance, this guy is going to need to do what I done and give up his life to move out to be with her, because I know she won't leave her family.

Any input would be appreciated.


Thanks

[melancholia]

She probably deleted them because you broke up with her and deleted all of your pictures. She is probably dating this guy as a rebound, but who knows. Who cares? You aren't getting back together, you're both better off apart from each other, so you should probably get over it and move on.

[Rosco]

She probably deleted them because you broke up with her and deleted all of your pictures. She is probably dating this guy as a rebound, but who knows. Who cares? You aren't getting back together, you're both better off apart from each other, so you should probably get over it and move on.

Ouch! I care. I happened to have invested 3 years of my life into the relationship with her & I loved her, part of me always will, so I care will answer that question.

She deleted our pictures 5 months after we broke up & 2 weeks before he went public with this guy, so that's why I find it confusing. why not delete them at the time of the break up? I should I said that in my initial post.

How do you know we won't get back together & that we're better off apart? And if it was so easy to get over & move on, do you really think I would be on a forum looking to speak about it, 6 months down the line?

I appreciate your input, but its as much use as a chocolate fireguard. Sorry if that seems harsh, but you're post is a good match to your username, life is melancholia enough, without people kicking you when you're down. I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm not looking for someone to speak to me like I'm a fool. Thanks!

[melancholia]

Fair enough that you care about her, but clearly she doesn't care about you as much. I don't say that to be mean, I say it because it's true. If she cared about you, she wouldn't have cheated on you or treated you with such blatant disrespect.

Clearly she deleted them because she decided to officially date the other guy. Maybe he asked her to delete them, maybe she deleted them of her own volition because she felt like it, or maybe it's hard for her to have pictures of you together -- who knows?

I am not saying anything to kick anyone when they're down and I don't mean to suggest you're a fool. I don't sugarcoat things and I lay things out in black and white. I do have sympathy for you, actually and empathy as well. The problem is you are pining for the past. The past of your relationship with her and your past relationship together, when you should be focusing on moving forward. If you spent more energy on the good things in your life and focused more on your goals, and meeting new and interesting people, you would get over this a lot quicker.

Trust me, I've been in your shoes and have felt the same way. People always say that time heals everything, but time doesn't actually do anything, it's what you do with that time. If you sit still and mope about your ex-girlfriend and wonder what she's doing, who she's doing, or where she's going, you're going to miss out on many opportunities to improve your own life. I know it's hard at first, but the further you separate yourself from the relationship, the easier it is to see things with clarity. You can see the cracks in your relationship and what went wrong and you can learn from those mistakes. That's what makes hindsight 20/20.

[Rosco]

I understand what you are saying, its just a different story if you're walking a mile in that man's shoes.

I was getting over it. Or thought I was. I had no idea that she had continued to see this guy until a mutual friend had told me. We hadn't spoke in a few months, we didn't fall out, we just hadn't seen or spoke to one another & when we did speak my ex just happened to come up in the convo and he just presumed i knew. I guess seeing her with the guy that she cheated with has just put me back at square one.

I just feel that she has replaced me really quick. We did have a great relationship. We were best friends. Always having fun. We were comfortable with each other from the get-go. Some friends think she made a mistake. This guy was pursuing her & she thought the grass was greener on the otherside. She took a risk & didn't expect to get caught, but she did. I was getting over the idea that she had cheated & because of this, I was thinking, we are all human, maybe that was the case. People do make mistakes, but I made it quite clear to her that I wanted nothing to do with her. I said some pretty harsh things to her. We both blocked each other's numbers and on all social media. We haven't spoke since.

This has took the wind out my sails, knowing that she's continued to see this dude, but as I said, looking at her body language in their pictures, she's not as giddy or as happy as she was with me, so yeah, i will cling onto that as well. I suppose it would give me some peace for whatever reason knowing that she's just using this guy as a rebound. I don't think I could cope knowing that I was ditched for another guy. People have their own ways of dealing with things & this is mine. Not only do I need to deal with the cheating, but its the lying, the betrayal & the rejection. This guy knows nothing about me. I'm pretty sure or it. i know for a fact she wouldn't have deleted photos of me for this guy. As I said earlier, she never deletes photos, that's why I don't understand why she would do that. It might sound trivial to some, but for me, its pretty damn hurtful & she would know that. I don't know if she maybe thinks that this stuff will get reported back to me, which it has.

[melancholia]

Would it make a difference if she was seeing this particular guy or another guy? Honestly, you weren't best friends. Best friends don't cheat on each other, they just don't. I can't say why she cheated on you, because that's for her to know, but generally people don't cheat when they are happy in their relationship. They just don't. It doesn't matter if her friends think she made a mistake, she clearly accepts her choice and she is pursuing a relationship with this guy, so it must mean more to her in some way or another. You can't tell anything from body language in pictures as to how happy she is now vs how happy she used to be. You're projecting feelings onto these pictures and placing meaning on things where you shouldn't be. She is moving on. It's not up to you to tell her if she's happy or not and you blocked her from social media, so what can you expect? You don't know anything about their relationship aside from how it started, so all your focus on their relationship and what they are doing and what she is doing is only going to prolong your healing process. Stop focusing on the past and stop focusing on your ex. You have a choice to dwell on this or to move on, and I highly suggest you and accept the fact that she is moving on and start taking steps to move on, yourself. Focus your energy on positive things, like your friends, family, work or school, and any activities or projects you enjoy. Put energy into building a happy life for yourself and eventually the pain will fade away and all the relationship will become is a distant memory.

[Hooo!]

stop your jealous behaviour

you left her
and besides what she has done - she can now be as happy as a child with paint and a dog.
She can **** whomever she wants and how hard and how much she likes.
And you shouldnt even care.

You ended it there and then?
I doubt it.


Forgive her for what she has done. We are all only human and everybody makes mistakes. So did she.
However if you wouldve been the great friend and lover you portrait yourself to be, then there should not have been the need for her to be seduced by someone else?
People who get cheated upon usually blame everything onto the other person and they are right. But thats only half of the medal.
If their partners needs and fantasies would have been fullfilled and the relationship was totally open and honest then this situation would with a very high chance not exist in the first place.
Look at yourself and where your relationship went wrong.
Learn from it

and start being happy again. For yourself
but also for a wonderful girl you once knew....

[JollyRancher65]

Yep she's in a rebound relationship. She can't seem to be alone in my opinion. She seems very insecure. Someone who is constantly in need of some type of validation, attention from the opposite sex. I do believe she may care for this guy for her to delete pictures of you 2. I feel like she had something missing your alls relationship. But I could be wrong.