A question for females by a female.

[Bs90]

Females- say your partner started working later and later each night. Starting at 7am and finishing at almost 11pm. A casual position. An in between job.
Say he rejects you 80% of the time you want to have sex. And when you have said sex, it is just him putting it in dry and going for less than 2 minutes then falling asleep.
Say you check out his Instagram feed and there is just massive amounts of bikini models half his age. All of them with identical bodies, that are the opposite of your own.
Say you ask him casually "when was the last time you had sex? And his reply being "with you?"
Say a beautiful catfish tried adding him on facebook and he only admits it many days later and only when he clued in it was a catfish* (this catfish was not you).
Say he convinces you that all of these things are crazy, that he has a reason for all of these confidence crushing things that add up. Say he gets angry at you when you call him out on it and twists the conversation to make you look and feel insecure.
Would you suspect an affair? Or would you think that you are going crazy?

[Hooo!]

id neither

id pack my things and be gone in a jiffy.

wether its an affair or not is totally insignificant. If its an affair thats bad
if its no affair you still dont have any real sex or intimacy
you dont even have a husband really. Its just someone who sleeps at your place isnt it?
So does it even matter if its an affair or not?

I dont understand what you get out of your man? Paychecks?

Lets say - just for the sake of the argument - that he is indeed having an affair. Are you going to do anything about it, if so: what? If not: What are you going to do then?
Let us say it is not an affair - are you going to do anything about your current situation, if so: what?
If not: how long can you continue to live with this situation?

[melancholia]

You need to trust your instincts on this one. His behavior is suspect when you pile it all into one post like this, but the most telling behavior that is a huge red flag is the gaslighting. Getting angry when you talk about it, or telling you you're crazy and trying to make you feel wrong, and that he is justified in his actions regardless of how it makes you feel, are classic manipulative tactics. Either he is hiding something from you or he is a jerk, and either way, it would make me question the relationship and I would probably break up with him if it were me in your shoes.

How many times do you want to try to bring it up and have it fall on deaf ears? How many more weeks, months, or years of your life are you willing to waste on a man who doesn't respect your feelings?

[Sunstark]

I wouldn't neceessarily say he has an affair. Maybe he is doesn't have the hots for you anymore and god knows why. Maybe you should also ask a male on this. They should be better in reading his behaviour! Regards!

[Hooo!]

I wouldn't neceessarily say he has an affair. Maybe he is doesn't have the hots for you anymore and god knows why. Maybe you should also ask a male on this. They should be better in reading his behaviour! Regards!

shitty behavior needs no reading. Regardless of why he is doing it - it remains shit.

[lovebroken]

For me if not married, living with and only dating, living apart I'd block him and not look back. None of that sounds good. If married, living together take separation and move out. You can't make someone love you, or really change another person if they won't change for themselves or even think they have a problem.

[richiro]

probably a little bit of both. he may not be having an affair but he is not being loyal with his thoughts.
he is uncaring for you and has checked out of the relationship physically and emotionally.

this relationships (regardless of whether he's cheating or not) is dead and that's the main point.

time to split.

[Sunkiss]

well I was with someone who did all these things. He made me feel shitty and blamed me for his cheating and lying and lack of "good sex" with me. Whether he is cheating on you or not....leave. Nothing really there any more right? Why stay?

[randomgirl123]

I think, in short, you need to know your worth! Know what you deserve. Love yourself enough to know what kind of love you deserve back. Perhaps confront him first. Speak to him about it in a mature way, tell him how you feel, ask him if there is something going on in his personal life which is causing this distance between the two of you, and admit to him, it's making you feel an element of distrust towards him and is giving you paranoia. If it is that something is on his mind which is causing this gradual distance in terms of affection he may open up about it. However, the instagram feed of half naked ladies says a lot about his respect towards you. Personally, I feel when in a relationship, that sort of stuff should be off the cards purely out of respect of your partner. Some people don't see it this way and see it as harmless as its 'just social media'. Either way, confront him, sit him down and tell him how you feel. See what he says. And go from there. But unfortunately my dude, it seems to me like he's not the one. If someone loves you/wants you/wants to be with you then they will make the effort and show you how much they care in all ways. But yes, communication is key.