Inconsiderate Partner

[meeneey]

Hi everyone! First time posting here.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now and we met at university. Our relationship took a while to get started and once it did we were having some issues regarding how inconsiderate he was being. He would constantly like other girl's photos, listen to their opinion and not mine (even when it was the same opinion), invite his ex's and friends with benefits to events I am organising for him and getting so drunk he forgot he had a girlfriend. The latter of the problems I have mentioned have been happening recently and I have been having a quite hard time believing his faithfulness as a result of this.

Just as these problems were becoming more prominent(last month), he decided to book a holiday to Thailand with his best friend. I had some reservations regarding this holiday because of all the issues we have been having and I told him about it. He got very angry and claimed how it is my fault I don't trust him. He said if I do have reservations about the holiday, we should break up. Now he is on holiday with his friend and one other girl all sharing a room and getting drunk every night. I am a nervous wreck and I feel my anxiety coming back. I feel like this holiday was worth more to him than our entire relationship.

Really want some advice on what to do or anyway to calm myself down?

[melancholia]

That's classic gaslighting and manipulative behavior right there. Your boyfriend isn't a good boyfriend and you let him get away with his behavior by sticking by him. I don't care who you are or how drunk you claim to be, you can't "forget" you have a significant other, that doesn't happen. That's just a bullsh!t excuse he knows you will buy because you are desperate to be with him for some reason. I have to ask, why don't you believe you deserve better than him? What is it about him that is actually good, and what about his behavior shows you he loves and cares about you at all?

When people display sh!tty behavior and then you bring it up to them and they turn it around on you and either blame you for it, or pretend it didn't happen, or try and make you feel crazy for thinking the way you do about it, that is called gaslighting. It's a classic manipulative tactic used by abusers to control their partner in a relationship and to get away with sh!tty, hurtful behavior. Some people are really good at it and will consistently use this behavior to get what they want and to get away with whatever they want, any time they want.

Let him go on his trip. Block his number and block him from social media and do not talk to him when he comes back. Show him he doesn't deserve you by walking away and proving to him (and more importantly yourself) that you deserve better. Chances are he will treat ever girlfriend he ever has like this and he won't change his behavior for anyone. That is what people like him do and they rarely, if ever, change for the better because they constantly seek people who will cater to their needs and behavior and will stop at nothing to live the life they want, regardless of who they may hurt along the way.

[pcmaster]

Just break up. I read the Thailand thing and You are nothing to him. He cares only about his own wishes. In thsiland there are cheap girls so risky to let go bf there.
You might be a lot happier without him.

[richiro]

break up with him. he's disrespected you from the start.
you're forcing a square peg into a round hole.

leave him.

[pcmaster]

break up with him. he's disrespected you from the start.
you're forcing a square peg into a round hole.

leave him.

Seems like pieces dont fit anymore.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wIg8kNfJpsg

[Hooo!]

Really want some advice on what to do?

what do you want?

[TheEvilJester]

So, he cheats on you repeatedly..... then tries to tell you it is YOUR fault that you don't trust him? .... I mean, honestly, I think that sums it up right there. I'd like to say I could offer a more optimistic opinion. In most cases, I try to offer thoughts from both sides of the coin, so to speak. In this case, I cannot do that. In this case, I must agree with the others. I know maybe leaving him isn't what you want to do, but it does not sound like this guy appreciates you or deserves you in the slightest. None of us can tell you what to do. So, if you do wish to stay with him, then at the very least you should sit him down and have a serious talk. Do so at a time when you've calmed down and can talk with a level head. It is best to keep heightened emotions out of it as best you can, so doing it right after he's done something to anger you is not the right time.

Make clear to him how his actions have made you feel. Make clear to him what you consider appropriate and what you consider crossing the line. If he has a problem with any of that, then perhaps that is your decision. Again, I can't tell you what to do because that ultimately does have to be your decision. However, I can tell you what I'd do in the same situation. Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't even see any reason to bother giving him that chance.

You've been together only a year and a half and there is already this much drama? Not only that, but look at the way you described the early stages of your relationship. You say it "took a while to get started." You say that once it did, you were already having issues. Don't get me wrong, even the best of relationships can hit rough patches now and then..... but the shouldn't START with those rough patches already taking place. That's really not a good sign to have problems that early.

From my personal experience, inconsiderate people never change. Sure, they certainly CAN.... but they pretty much never do. At least not from my experience. Again, though, this has to be your decision. So, if you wish to keep trying, then I wish you the best in that journey. I just hope that you at least have some reasonable breaking point where enough is enough. Good luck to you.

[meeneey]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I really wanted an objective opinion on this topic and you all have provided it! And pretty much everyone is my life is telling me the same thing. I can't ever force him to be more considerate, all I can do is care about myself and break up. I have talked to him about the things he does and he is more than happy to stop it but then he does something else equally bad and then the circle just continues. I am not his mother and I shouldn't have to teach him decency. Thank you guys!