Do I really love him?

[genieteresa]

I met my current boyfriend about 2 years ago. We were working at the same restaurant and he told a mutual friend that he thought I was cute, contacted me, and we met up. Initially I remember I thought he was cute, but I was unsure of my feelings for him. Time went on, and he was so passionate and remarkably kind that I fell in love with him. We had a real connection and it is one of the most peaceful and loving relationships I've had. Fast forward about two years into the future (aka right now) and I'm not sure about my feelings anymore. He hasn't done anything wrong. On the contrary, I have fibromyalgia and crohn's disease and he tends to my every wish. He makes me the specific food I need, he massages me when I have pain, he brings everything to me when I'm in pain without asking twice. If I'm in very debilitating pain he will even get the shower going for me and walk me there and dry me and dress me and untangle my hair when I get out. He tells me every second how beautiful I am, how much he'd like to marry me and have children with me and a multitude of marvelous things. Whenever he gets a sum of money, he uses it for things for me. He only thinks of me and is so selfless and I love him for that. I won't deny that he's my best friend, and that there are moments even in the midst of doubt I've been facing, that I feel like I do still love him. But I have been having a lot of doubts about my love for him lately. Really the only thing that has changed lately is that he has been out of a job, and hasn't been able to find another one because of a bench warrant from his teen years that he didn't know existed that he hasn't been able to pay off (almost all jobs in my area background check, even the fast food places)(he had a Texas ID for a few years and hadn't renewed to a Florida one, and once he did is when his background check popped up on servers and they let him go). I guess on top of that, when he doesn't work he kind of lets himself go. He doesn't shave unless he has to and keeps his room pretty messy. I know love endures through all circumstances, but I haven't broken up with him because I've figured my doubts have stemmed from the fact that he's jobless and I have a lot of stress on my shoulders trying to provide for the both of us (working a part time job).He has almost no assistance from his family and has been stuck in a rut for quite a while without my help.So, long story short. I have to help him with a LOT of things and I am significantly younger than him and am just starting my college life out so I also fear that these feelings may just be some built up resentment at the fact that it might take a few months to get his things together, and I just don't like being the breadwinner for someone at this age. I love helping him and don't regret the money I spend, because he has done many acts of kindness for me as well. BUT I don't rule out that this may be the cause of some of my "doubtful" feelings because the entire world around me (parents,siblings)and social media just makes it seem like I should have a boyfriend as well off as me (but I look at the heart, not the pocket. Although the pocket makes things harder) The only other thing I can think of that has changed is his sex drive, he's become more depressed since he lost his job and I'm sure that's affected my feelings somewhat as well. All in all, he's having a rough time and I know he is working on getting his things together to have a future with me, but I guess the buildup from this situation I'm in is what is making wonder: are these doubts a phase or something more? But I'm really not sure, and the fact that I'm doubtful is really scaring me because I don't want to waste any of our time. He's 28 (I'm younger) so I know if I waste more of his time it may be harder for him to him to find a potential mate. And at the end of the day, if these are my true feelings, I still care for his well-being and his future because he is and will always be my best friend and has been there for me in ways that no other human has. So I clearly do not want to waste his time, because I know he's looking for a girl to be by his side while he organizes his life and then go ahead and marry her. At the beginning of our relationship, I was positive he was my forever and that I wanted to marry this incredibly kind man. I'm not a gold digger. And trust me, If I cared about money I'd be dating much different people than I have. But it is a stressor and so are the things that come along with being broke. But now, I just don't know. And can't bring myself to break up with him because I feel if I do I'll regret it and miss him and wonder "what if?". I'm just here to ask: has anyone else gone through this? What did you do? Do times of stress affect the love you have for your partner? I'm just so confused. I thought I knew he was my forever and always, he's everything I've ever wanted and I am so mad and upset with my feelings. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

[MartinOhm]

I dare to say that yes, you do love him. Look, right now the situation is though with the economy worldwide. Back when I started working I made enough to live well; and despite I´ve had some increase in it, it is just not enough and have to save more than I did in my former years. Been trying to look for extra hours or another job but no luck as right now it is also hard for employers to hire people since of course they would have to give them money, and they will bring things like they want people with experience, but if they do they have to pay them the right stuff according to their laboral experience and when they hire guys with no or little experience, is so they can exploit them and get rid of them as soon as they get enough laboral age to earn more.

My guess is that right now your bf is evaluating his real world situation... taking care of you seems expensive. Not your fault, wish people would at least understand crohn´s disease better; he is probably thinking that if he gets a job he would earn enough for himself but not enough for you. Not saying you are dead weight, but probably considers that being his job and money, he has to see first for himself. Again not saying he hates you or something, probably it is hard for him to tell you he can´t support you. Time stresses are not limited to love partners. I dunno wish I could help you further. People in my country would say you have it easy in the US to take care of your health, but I know it is heart and while we have free healthcare here, ISSSTE and IMSS are crappy unless you know every nook and cranny which is what right now I am trying to figure out. I hope things are better for you as I write this.

[genieteresa]

Thank you for your reply Martin,
It is definitely good advice and makes a lot of sense. I just wish I knew how to describe and pinpoint everything I'm feeling right now. As I said, I don't want to waste anyone's time. But you're definitely right, the economy has been terrible for years now. And as for the money for my diseases, he doesn't need to yet. My parents have allowed me to stay on their health insurance until I finish school. It's just him not having a job in general is stressful because then I have to pay for food, and gas, and we can't go out much. So it's a pretty stressful situation and one that makes me sad, but. I really appreciate your response and thanks for wishing me well.

[Hooo!]

I am always glad to help someone with their problems. But PLEASE use paragraphs.
Such walls of text are so difficult to read properly.

also i think you are absolutely raving
you have financial and work related issues
seek help regarding that. I think your attitude towards: "this area of my life isnt good, so im not sure if I love my man anymore" is rather shit.
Talk about it with him.
Find him SOME job. Anything. And dont tell me there isnt anything. If he personally and openly goes to a place where they need someone and tell the manager that hed love to, but he has this and that background speaking against him, then yes he will get some negative answers. But he can do this all day. Go out and actually go talk to the managers at mcdonalds or whatever.
The point is that you are absolutely unconstructive.

Instead of thinking about what is wrong and what should be fixed, rather think more about HOW you gonna fix it. Discuss this openly and go from there.
Sometimes life is hard and it drags you or your partner down. Then the relationship suffers because of it.
Thats life.
Go through it together. Be to him the partner he is to you. Now he is in pain and cant handle his situation.
Instead of leaving him you should have no doubt in your mind that you will resolve the issue WITH and FOR him.