What would he want?

[Bergenista]

A guy asked for my business card at a networking event in April last year five minutes into meeting me. Excited to meet a potential business prospect (I'm not in sales) I followed up his initial e-mail suggesting to meet over coffee next time he was in town. He's in Scotland, I'm in London. His suggestion a drink. My e-mail gave no indication of romantic interest cause frankly I didn't remember his appearance! Over the summer we e-mailed flirted - no harm right? Didn't meet - his next London trip was late summer. August came around and his business trip coincided with me travelling away for business. Our paths crossed. He continued mailing me every month almost on the dot just striking up random conversations. We'd talk about the usual non-personal topics, work, travel and politics with some flirty bits. His e-mails would be lengthy, but he would go quiet after 4-5. I would send the last e-mail, he would start a new conversation a month later.

The next time we were both in town at the same time was November. I invited him to my company drinks, but my colleagues suggested he was looking to see me only. Right as they were, he didn't show for drinks. We had scheduled a 45 minute just in case coffee the day after drinks for which I was running 30 minutes late! I e-mailed ahead telling him I'd understand if he'd like to cancel. He waited. The coffee was fine. Casual-ish. He wanted to know where I saw myself geographically longer term and in the next few years. I told him I'd go where the job took me. I'm a consultant with travel requirements which cannot be planned for. As we parted he shook my hand.

Fast forward to mid January. We've been exchanging between 8 to 10 e-mails per week. He's revealed he finds me attractive. I've said nothing. If anything I've pushed his advances under the carpet cause I don't know what I want myself! I'm 3 years a widow with only relationship being my husband. He know's I'm widowed and I 'know' he's not been in a long term relationship since 2008.

As a guy, why would you bother staying in touch with someone long distance? The logical mind tells me if he wanted something on the side (can the no long term relationship since 2008 story be trusted?) he could have gone for something simpler. He works in business development so striking up a conversation isn't an issue. On the other hand, why would he 'pursue' someone long distance? Additionally, since I still wear my engagement and wedding ring I made a point of making them obvious during coffee. He has continued to e-mail flirt after seeing the rings. But then again, finding out I'm widowed hasn't deterred him either. He's asked me a few times jokingly if he needs to 'up the ante'.

What would he want?

[Hooo!]

What would he want?

you obviously

but you are asking the wrong question


what do YOU want?

[Bergenista]

Indeed I do need to find out what I want. I'm still finding out. What would he want in this situation?

He never used to e-mail too late in the evening, but last night a message rolled in at 12.30 AM. Nothing suggestive, yet odd he thought to e-mail that late. He is in London at the moment. He knows I don't move back until March.

you obviously

but you are asking the wrong question


what do YOU want?

[Hooo!]

Indeed I do need to find out what I want. I'm still finding out. What would he want in this situation?

again: he wants you.

I dont see any other interpretation. I dont get where this is going.


The problem is not that you dont know if he wants you or not. The problem is that you dont know what to do about it.

But with that we cannot help you. You must decide on your own if you want to pursue this "relationship" or not.

[MartinOhm]

I am sorry, but I do not see a serious relationship coming from this. Maybe friendship. Or like you say, a business relation.

[Hooo!]

I am sorry, but I do not see a serious relationship coming from this. Maybe friendship. Or like you say, a business relation.

and you know this because of what exactly?