My boyfriend is pushing me to get married too fast

[melancholia]

Abuse isn't a "strong word", it's something that happens all the time, to many people, to varying degrees, and is incredibly serious. To say it's a strong word perpetuates the stigma of abuse and normalizes abusive behavior to people who are stuck in an abusive relationship and haven't been able to leave yet. There are levels of abuse, but they are all forms of abuse, and they stem from the same place. Victims of abuse also follow very similar behavioral patterns as well, and need to identify and rectify those negative behaviors before they can get out of an abusive relationship.

[richiro]

the important concept to grasp here is... ABUSE is not a RESULT. Abuse is a dynamic. The resulting abuse perpetrated is the result of the level of dynamics between predator and victim that is reuqired for the predator to exert the level of control they require from the victim.
so don't conclude anything based on the outwards reseult - that is not what constitutes abuse and non-abuse. This is why when ignorant people say "why not just leave?" - they aren't understanding that ABUSE is not a result... abuse is the foundational dynamic of control and manipulation - at which every situation lands on a specific LEVEL of abuse on the continuum based on the dynamic of that situation.

even what is being targeted is ireelevant. child abuse, dv, animal abuse - those are not the RESULTS and thus not what the abuse is about.
the foundation and dynamic making one capable of abuse IS - whom they chose as a target or to what levels they need to exert to achieve the control they require from their victim (be it child, animal, spouse, etc.) is just the dynamic between their level of control needed to acquire vs the level of resistance of their victim.

And yes.. victims are interdependent with their predators. There is no abuse if victims didn't play their part (have their own dynamic that fits the predators needs).

so its very important.. in the education of people to help prefvent and help those that are victims - to NOT tell them abuse is a result and is "there or not there". cuz once its there - it's too late. we have to educate the population that it's a dynamic (aka her are the traits that tell you a person is controlling.. here are the traits that tell you somebody is susceptible to being a victim) and teaching THOSE things so they cn recozgnize and avoid. Abuse isn't just when you get hit or breat up or yelled at. Once it's gotten to that point you've already gone thru so many levels of control and abuse its already been programmed in and the victim is stuck.

again.. quit spouting your "opinons" and what you "think" - go and STUDY IT so you can share what you have LEARNED (like i have).

[breathe123]

I think like he said he is scared if he waits too long, maybe you'll become bored or find another you desire more, or some guys want to marry quick ( least some I know of ) so they are fully in a committed relationship, vows & all so they won't have the cheat temptation. Weird to hurry a wedding for that, but some do. Not saying it's his motive but people always have different motives for doing anything.

Compromise is the fairest thing to do ~ Tell him this. Then talk out a compromise, don't be forced or guilted into doing anything you don't feel right about.

[Hooo!]

If someone wanted to "get it done before 30"
I would assume that he doesn't care how and with whom
Marriage should not be about social status neither should kids

I would be confused as to if my person and character even matter in his achievements of goals

[richiro]

what makes you think you're unresearched off the cuff gutt reactions to what this is and isn't.... knows more than... my +25 yrs of research and being involved as a victim advocate for almost as long?

I don't think so. You're off the cuff "opinon" knows nothign about this. Go read up on it and research it before you give your opinion.

[dollhouse]

Who are you saying that to, [MENTION=69583]richiro[/MENTION]?