Having dinner with my parents - very nervous?

[lm0905]

Quick background: boyfriend (I'll call him "A" and I dated from 2011- early 2013. We broke up because I was immature, clingy, and it just wasn't a good situation... Between then and now, we kept in contact but nothing more.

A couple of months ago, things kind of just fell into place and we are back together... I couldn't be happier and
things just feel super different this time around

Anyways, back to present day - my parents have known I have been seeing him but haven't seen him since we broke up back in 2013.

Right after we broke up (within a couple of months), my Grandpa had passed away from cancer... "A" didn't go to the funeral (understandable), but my dad was super not happy that "A" was not there and left a bad taste in his mouth.

My mom's been bugging me to have dinner with us, so I finally made a plan to do so tomorrow night... Now my dad heard that we were having dinner together (my parents are divorced) and have insisted he comes tomorrow night.
So now we are all going to dinner the 4 of us.
My dad said "the only thing I care about is that he treats you well and that he is good to you"... He is, so that isn't an issue.

But I am still nervous for tomorrow night. I'm nervous it's not going to go well and just want it to go perfectly, even though they have met before.

Help me calm down please before I make myself go bonkers! lol

[Hooo!]

you could tell A that he might want to apologize if things come up for not being there
maybe along the lines of "really wanted to go but thought he didnt want to pressure anyone at the funeral or make them uneasy by being there...


and chill. you make things more confusing and stressed than they are. you going bonkers does not help the situation
go and have a nice easy evening with your parents and your boyfriend. Enjoy yourselves. cant be that difficult.

[noreenlee]

As a lady, I can see how you might feel apprehension about your dad and bf possibly not connecting very well. Why don't you bring a game, photos or intriguing conversation piece, even a simple personality survey (with enough copies) from a library magazine. That way, if things get awkward, you have a structured activity to present. Also, remember to actually honestly breathe during tense moments. Learn where your body holds tension and deliberately relax it. If appropriate, show a little friendly affection to everyone - all of these people are highly invested in you and I suspect you light up their lives so go for that! It's great your dad already conceded any battle, by prioritizing your welfare high and stopping fretting over the funeral attendance. Real good sign. Easy on the caffeine. Exercise, rest, then prep to go.

[melancholia]

I understand being nervous, because I would be too in your situation. Do you think your dad would do anything to embarrass you though? If you think he might (even if he means well), just say something to him beforehand. Like, "Dad, I really like A. We hit a rough patch a few years ago but have both matured and I want to make sure you understand that I am happy with him." Hopefully your dad has the wherewithal to know it's not about him, and he doesn't have much of a say in whom you choose to date. But also remember, he is your dad and he wants the best for you. Dads don't like seeing their daughters get hurt (neither do mothers, but there's something about dads that seems to be more judgmental about guys dating their daughters). I think enough time has passed that it should be OK, but if you're really nervous, just talk to your dad ahead of time.

Also, try and have fun and relax! If you are stressed out, your BF will probably feed off that energy and also be stressed and it won't be fun for either of you. Best of luck!

[dollhouse]

I had a partner not go to a relatives funeral with me, because he was out of town and not able to come back/leave for a funeral of not his own family and I understood. If your ex had good reasons your dad shouldn't hold any grudges towards him... Since your parents are divorced how was your mom about your dads demand of joining the three of you? Just let things go as they go, trying to make things go well, usually makes the opposite happen, IMO.. stress causes so many bad things, health, reactions with others, fights etc. You like him, that is enough...hope all goes great.