SHould I get back with her, she lied, damageged and could be an addict!?

[twooddtrees]

Ok, My GF was great. A bit crass and crude but she was great. We moved in together. I am educated and professional, she is none of that and unemployed. I got her into school, got her on Unemployment. After she moved in I found out she is still married, and she lied to me about being divorced 3 times. Second, she started taking my meds, she has the same ones but mine are a higher dosage. I told her to stop. I loaned her my car, she wrecked it. She did pay me back for the damages. Now, I have found a patter f her shunning responsibility, and needing to get high, or take some sort of meds when stress hits. I have pushed her to take care of things when they come. So here is the last straw. Friday night I go to take some pain meds after my run, just basic over the counter stuff, but it is prescribed from the VA. They are all gone. I looked at her and said, wtf!? she apologized and said she thought she could take them. My issue was more with the fact that she took them all, knowingly leaving me with none. so I threw her out. Now I am feeling remorse and guilt. I feel like I should take her back, but does that make sense? She thinks that if you can con the system it is ok. When she wrecked my car she wanted me to lie so that Les Scwab would pay for it. BTW, I have 2 girls, and I do not want them looking up to that kind of behavior. Ok, so do I give her another chance? Sounds insane, but to be fair she is trying, thanks to me pushing, but I am tired of pushing. Or am I having a post break u freak out? Can anyone help?

[richiro]

nope it doesn't make sense. she han'st done SQUAT for you since the start and has done nothing but take take take - b/c she knows she can get away with it with you. (because you haven't stopped giving to her no matter how badly she screws up).
not sure why you're contining to give to her - my guess is you're too scared to be alone. Well get OVER THAT and demand and find somebody that treats you with respect. DON'T ACCEPT being MISTREATED or USED or esle that's all people will ever do to you.

Put it blankly - don't get madat her for all she's done to yo. GET MAD AT YOURSELF FOR LETTING SOMEBODY GET AWAY OVER AND OVER WITH DOING THESE THINGS TO YOU.

and that's the lsson you need to learn here.

[Tobi]

She did all this to you because you let her. Set some healthy boundaries, if someone crosses them tell them and if they keep on crossing them break the relationship/friendship off for good.

[TheEvilJester]

That has to be your decision.... but I personally would NOT suggest you give her another chance. She's using you. Hell, you may be right. She may be an addict. If she IS, it is entirely possible she doesn't MEAN to use you, doesn't MEAN to hurt you.... but that doesn't change the fact that she is doing just that. Heck, even if it were just you, my personal advice would be to just leave her in your past. At least for now. She needs to get help, but you can't force somebody to do that. So, if she refuses to do anything to get help, then you can't just sit around and let her drag you down with her when she should be trying to drag herself back up instead.

BUT.... all of that is multiplied by, like, a million times considering you have children. You are right that you cannot condone that kind of behavior because you need to be an example for your children. You do not want them growing up thinking that sort of stuff is okay. Bottom line, with all you've told us, my personal advice would be to end things. Though, if you feel you still want to give her a chance, I suppose you could..... BUT, as others have said, there need to be some boundaries set.

I wouldn't say that you make it an ultimatum. I personally don't think ultimatums ever work. But, you do make it clear that you care about her and want to help her get better, but that there needs to be effort on her part, and that certain activities need to cease. Then, you stick to those "bottom lines." Meaning if she continues to betray your trust in those ways, you stick to your guns and end it then. Again, my personal advice here would be just to move on, but that is ultimately up to you. Good luck to you.