In the Bottom of this Rats Hole

[LoveAddicted]

I open my eyes, the pain in my stomach stills there, every morning when I wake up, that feeling of strong worrying is there, immediately when I open my eyes. You know deep inside, something's really wrong, and that worries you, but you don’t know exactly what’s wrong.
Sometimes I take breakfast, sometimes just smoke a cigarette to feel something, when do I started to feel like this? I don’t know, I remember there was a time when I was happy, I enjoyed much more my days, funny how it works, everything is way much better since then, better job, better love life, but still, all that doesn’t stop me from feeling miserable. Even my music doesn’t sounds the same, I used to enjoy dating my girlfriend... At the beginning. But then I also started worrying about her, about not being good enough for her, maybe she will get bored of me.
I have 7 months dating this girl, and I am already bored of her, that’s crazy, she’s cute, she’s funny, and has this amazing way of being with me that’s lovely, I don’t see nothing wrong with her, but for some reason I think I can’t be aware of how good she is, there is something missing, maybe I don’t deserve her, I met this girl in my job, she makes me feel like my girlfriend used to at the beginning, that scares me, because maybe If I started something with her, the story is going to repeat itself, she’s going to bore me, maybe even faster than my actual girlfriend, so I decide to keep my actual girlfriend, she’s perfect for a long term relationship, i dont know...

April of 2016

[richiro]

thank you for sharing....
acknwolegement is always the hardest part and you've done that.
the best that i can suggest here is that these are true and legit issues that will probaly need the help of a professional to sort out.. and a professional who knows the best of tools to help work out of this. plase do not see the concept of seeing a professional as a negative thing. in a way its acknowledging that what you're going thru is no small or simple thing.

in the end there is something holding you back or keeping you from feeling freed up to enjoy and apprciate these things.. and it sa matter of identifyign what that thing (or things) is and to resolve whatever that is --- eiter by truly resolving it, or realizing it isn't what you thought it was, or is something that is actually quite normal that once can still live well with and itsn't a reason to get this worked up over (or dwell on).

i don't know.. obviously.. there's so much not said here which you should probably talk to a professional bout who wil know and understand.

good luck and hang in there.

[pcmaster]

I think you ate not just being in thr moment. You might benefit from reading a bookk The Powet of Now by Echart Tole. The concept of book is - the homeless guy is sitting on a box of gold without knowing theres gold in it. The gold is now - this present moment.

[LoveAddicted]

pc
Yes, i can see, clearly i'm losing the moment and that happens to me a lot, i already read that book and i love it, but there is a problem, it's easy to logically understand something, but it takes something else to truly feel it, and that's when i fail because i don't know what it is, i'll take your advice and read that book again, just to see how it goes

rich
Youre right, reading The Truth by Neil Strauss i realized there could be unsolved problems deep inside me

ps: i forgot to tell, i wrote this on april of 2016

[richiro]

hey Love... oh okay.. april 2016.. got it.
keep writing Love.. keep sharing. its the [URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] sign that you deeply want to figure this out and have the will to. So keep writing ok?
Again.. i don't like to always lean on "counseling" but a professional may be able to help and give you tools to find the crack that lets the light in finally. And there is nothing wrong with going to see somebody, or going to see many people until you find the right one (that doesn't just want to pump you with drugs).

its okay and VERY NECESSARY to always know what the end game and light is you want to reach... but we also can't just dwell solely on that to get there.. we have to dig deep into the darkness to find out what's keeping us from the light - and resolve the darkness. ITS SCARY for sure - but having done it myself - you will almost always find that it wasn't nearly as dark as we thought. Us humans are really good at spooking ourselves unnecessarily and making things a LOT bigger than they truly were.

Or probably more accurately more often - that the "fix" to it was far less painful than we always imagined it would be.

Hang in there Love... you WILL get there as long as you sincerely want to and keep wanting to (i speak from experience on that one.. not just fluff and cliche).