GeekyGuy hoping to find love again...

[GeekyGuy]

Hello, I'm new here everybody.
Anyways, I'm 20 years old, so I'm still young and there's still hope. I'm 5' 11" and weigh roughly 205 pounds, I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either, I'm working on it. I'm a very nerdy guy, I collect replicas and props, I play a lot of video games on PC and some consoles, to cope with stress, the loneliness, and the depression. I came here to hopefully get some advice that will help me in the long run. I would love to share my story.

My Dream Woman:
I met my dream girl when I was just turned fifteen, the perfect girl. We had the same sense of humor, she was geeky, she was a dork, she was a gamer, she dressed nerdy, but what I loved is that she still acted like a girl, and she still looked beautiful. Unfortunately I screwed it up. My parents separated when I was three years old, I was never very popular in school, so I resorted to playing video games my childhood. I took games too seriously and let it effect those I care about, and it effected her the most. At the end of the relationship, she cheated on me, and started sleeping around. Turned into a completely different person, stopped caring about nerdy stuff, and stopped playing games. All she started caring about is getting drunk, high, and getting laid. After that, she convinced my friends that I was this horrible person, and they abandoned me, I then chose to move to my mothers about a hour and a half away leaving my best friend who lived three hours away as my only friends. Three and a half years after the breakup, I still think about her, I still miss her, and most importantly I still love her. That might confuse some people. However, I love this woman unconditionally, I haven't talked to her in years, and I don't believe she misses me, I just hope she's happy.

Sense that breakup:
I've taken the time to change myself, I believe I resolved my anger issues, I haven't had a episode in over three years, I've become more polite, more responsible, and more of a gentleman. Ever sense that ex, I've felt this craving for a nerdy woman in my life. She was my best friend, alongside my guy best friend of course, and that's what I'm looking for, I'm looking for, a best friend who will cuddle up with me and watch Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, Superhero movies you name it, and actually loves it the same way I do. I want to be able to play competitive games such as Dota and CS:GO with them, because there is nothing sexier than a woman who can game. As for my replicas and props, I know I have the right woman when she geeks out over all of them.

Where I am at now:
Over the last year I've dated two woman, one was very little nerdy, and the other was not at all. I dated the first girl for three months or so, and the second girl for only a month. Unfortunately I let my lust take over me, I had sex with both of them, which is very much against my morals (It's a personal choice). I started dating the second girl at the end of November of 2016, which I'm glad I did because I don't know where I would be if I didn't. In December, my best friend whom I've known for close to eight years committed suicide, leaving me in shock. She helped me through it in the best way she could, which is more than I could've asked for. I found myself talking to my best friend while driving, laying in bed restless, or just relaxing. I'm not a superstitious person, I don't know what I believe in, however I do believe he has responded. Anyways, I had a dream one night, it took place in the hotel room that we stayed at when we went to com icon in Chicago in 2016, and he was telling me that I needed to find what's important in life. This hit me and I realized that the woman I was with isn't what I was looking for, and that I shouldn't keep my self tied down to Woman I've only been seeing for a month, and that I needed to be available, and I need to find my dream woman. So over the last few years here I've made a few friends, some have come and some have gone, however I live in a area where nerds aren't received that well. Most people here hunt, fish, and talk about trucks. So it's very lonely, as a result I've started smoking Marijuana to reduce my stress levels more, which is allowing me to loose some weight which is strange, however I realized that I've been stress eating for years. I have severe trust issues because of the first girl I dated, so I don't trust telling people about this stuff. I'm going to continue pushing forward, I don't want to find a woman online, however It might seem like that's where I'm heading.

Anybody have advice to help me through this difficult time?

-Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

[pcmaster]

First of all you are at right age to change your life and its great that you think there is still a hope. hat is healthy mindset. But gamers have the highest stress levels so games dont help with stress. What helps is nature, and healthy things, social interactions and exercise.
You are at the point where you want GF but not doing much for it yet. Basically you need to decrease gaming, PC and internet time and go out more. Yeah some nighclubs, bars, few drinks, but mostly activities that are good for you. - For example hiking in a group or maybe meetings with people who have same interest.

So you dont want to find girl online. Online you might have bigger choice but also much greater competition. You might start talking up girls on the street, The ones you find attractive.

[GeekyGuy]

I do agree with you that I should take some time off the computer, and get out more. It's pretty damn cold right now so out door activities are limited, I live in a small town as well. But I have been hanging out with friends more. I was with a bunch of people all weekend. I have the flu this week. Thanks for the advice. Means a lot!