My best friend made me hate him

[simplysinful]

April was my best friend. April & I had been friends since we were young teens. The summer after 8th grade my father passed away & she was one of the few friends who were there for me. I always thought of April as my soul sister ever since. We ended up going to different high schools but still tried our best to keep in touch. Once we finished highschool we went to the same community college. Even though our friendship wasn't as strong as it once was I was always grateful for her because she was there during my toughest time. Our early twenties consisted of a lot of partying & traveling. Fast forwarding to Valentine's Day 2014 we decided to spend it in New Orleans & celebrate Mardi Gras while at it. I was dating this guy that I was head over heals for. His name is Max*. Max & I had been casually 'dating' (sleeping) for about a year but it was nothing exclusive, although all of our mutual friends knew our situation. We were having the time of our lives. Everything seemed perfect, great friends with great drinks. April, Max, & I shared a two queen bed room during the time of our stay. One of those drunken nights Max & I ended up sex & completely forgot that April was in the room. The next few days were a little awkward but April thought it was all fun & giggles so eventually I thought that it had brought April & I even closer. Our wonderful trip had come to an end & we were on our way back to Texas. The next day, Max texts me to inform me that I had forgotten several of my clothing was in his car & told me if I was going to be free later on that night. Of course, I said yes, I was dying to see him.

10 o' clock was here, & I finally received the "I'm outside" text. I rushed to put my shoes on & casually walked to the parking lot. I got in his car & we just sat there reminiscing about our trip. After all the laughter he told me that he needed to tell me something. I calmly said, "sure what's up?" He took a moment & said, "you know that night that we were at that bar, well April & I kissed that night." I wasn't sure why I wasn't feeling upset or hurt or even betrayed by what he was telling me. Instead, I laughed & said, "really?!" He looked at me with surprise & said, "yeah she kissed me." I just brushed it off & continued to talk about other things. It was starting to get late so I told him I was leaving, we kissed goodbye. I slept well that night. A few days went by & I noticed that April had not mentioned the kiss so I decided to tell her. She was at my house we were both on the floor just goofing off when I decided to just come out & say it. I asked her, "guess what Max told me?!" She had no clue I already knew. She responded with a what, & I continued & said, "he told me that y'all kissed ." She became extremely upset & said that Max had lied, that in fact, it was HIM that had kissed HER. At this point, I did not care who had kissed who, but the fact that the guy I had been sleeping with was the one that came to be & openly told me what had happened was what I took as being true.

I never got upset at April for doing that or for even letting herself be in a position where that could potentially happen. Months went by & Max & I were not doing so well. He kept going back & forth with his long time girlfriend & I decided that it was all too much. Max & I lost contact with each other. A very unfortunate event occurred to him, the death of his brother. I did not know how to reach out to him & send my condolences. I decided to anonymously send him flowers to his home. I eventually had the courage to text him he responded back with just a few short words, but that was more than enough for me. I genuinely cared for him, & not being able to heal his broken heart is what broke me.

April was there through it all again, trying to help me put my heart back to pieces.

Her birthday came around & she had never done an ultimate party.
She reserved a section at the hottest club in town. She decided to ask a coworker of hers to join her in her celebration since their birthdays landed on the same day. Her coworker's name is Coddy. Everyone was having a great time. April had invited anyone she knew. It was huge, it was fun, & it was expensive. The night was coming to an end & April wanted to keep the party going, although she did not know I had gotten a "WYD?" text from Max already. Max & I hadn't seen each other for months. I did not know what to do. I thought my best friend & I could continue the party any other day, so I decided to call the night & go home. Moments later Max was outside my door waiting to pick me up. We had sex that night & I noticed that our love had diminished tremendously. We were no longer making love to each other, we were just two people who were in need of it. The morning after I grabbed my stuff woke him up with a kiss on the cheek & told him I was leaving. He wanted me to stay longer & I said I couldn't. As I was closing his bedroom door he said, "I love you." As I shut the door I said, "yeah." I realized I was no longer in love with him. After two years of seeing each other, I finally grew out of love.

Monday came & April couldn't stop talking about how much fun she had at her birthday party. I did not tell her that I had been with Max the night before, I thought there was no point because I knew that it wasn't going to happen again.
April r&omly said, "Hey! so Coddy thought you were pretty hot!" I laughed & said, "really? well, how about you hook us up." & that is how it all began.
She had set us up for that following Thursday. We decided to go to a nearby bar. Everything seemed a little awkward at first, but once the drinks came in everything changed. Coddy & I couldn't keep our h&s off each other. It was like an instant attraction neither of us could control. Coddy & I slept together that night, & the sex was almost as good as the sex I had with Max.
The next few weeks Coddy & I had sex every chance we could. We learned each other's anatomy so fast that we were able to climax like there was no tomorrow. The sex became addicting. I wanted more of him, I wanted to get to know him. He told me it was just sex, & I agreed.
Everything was fine at first until we couldn't keep hiding the fact that we wanted more than just sex. We began hanging outside of the bedroom & went on dates & had April tag along. I began getting a sense of jealousy from April only because she sparked interest in Coddy. She decided to make him "her personal trainer" & asked him to come over to her house on each others days off.

I wasn't thrilled with the fact that the best friend who had made out with the previous guy I had been with was hanging out with the guy that I was currently seeing.
I tried to repress my feelings & just let it be. I thought who am I to say something? A few weeks later in another drunk night, April came with a r&om idea. She decided that we should all go to New Orleans again & this time had Coddy come along. I wasn't so happy with that idea only because that was me & Max's thing. We had experienced that city for the first time together, & doing the same things with another guy just didn't feel right. Even if I was no longer in love with him. Again, I decided to let it be.

We booked the hotel & made it happen. April just couldn't stop talking about it, she was so hyped about the idea of going to LA again.
I, on the other h&, wasn't as much. Coddy & I were still sleeping with each other & everything seemed to have been going well. He started sleeping over at my apartment almost 3-5 days a week. We spent a lot of nights just eating watching movies & enjoying each others company. One of those nights Coddy decides to ask me what I wanted to do out in NOLA? I wasn't sure if he was asking me about what PLACES or THINGS I wanted to do so I asked him to clarify. He said he meant between us, if we wanted to go as a couple or if I wanted to do my own thing (as in sleep with other people). I found the question pretty weird but I honestly told him that I wasn't planning on seeing anyone but him. I saw a sense of relief, & he said "oh okay good, that's what I was hoping for I just didn't want to go with that in mind & then see you do your own thing." I said to him, ''if I am with you then, I am with you." We had established for the first time that we didn't want either one of us to see other people.

Days went by & I was hanging out with April & we were just gossiping when she r&omly suggests, "so you should definitely sleep with someone out there, don't feel that because you are seeing Coddy that you can't have sex with anyone else." In a state of confusion, I just said, "well I & Coddy already talked about this & we decided that we are not going to do that." She made a face & asked her what. She responded with, "well Coddy is a very respectful guy & we talked & he just doesn't know how to tell you that he actually wants to sleep with other girls out there." I am just sitting there like ok? My feelings got a little hurt when my best friend said that but I just said, "oh okay well if that's what he wants to do then that's fine too." She left & I decided to text Coddy & ask him if he had a minute. He immediately replied & said that he was free to give him a call. I called & he answered. Coddy & I had a thing that we would tell each other anything without passing judment so it was easy for me to confind in him. I told him what April had said & he was in shock, just as much as I was. He said that April had told him the exact same thing about me. April had told Coddy that I was planning on meeting other guys & freely have sex with any guy that was available.

I was confused & mad. Why was April twisting things? Why would she lie like that? I decided to tell Coddy that maybe everything was becoming too much & all this tension that was being caused between all of us wasn't worth it & I no longer wanted to be apart of it. Coddy was relunctant about the idea of us not seeing each other anymore. He gave me a proposition that we would no longer talk to April about us. That April was no longer in the loop about our 'relationship'. I thought that would help, but instead it made April even more hard to deal with.

April took it upon herself to spend more time with Coddy without me. I did not understand why April did not respect that Coddy & I were seeing each other now.
The days leading up to the trip became a nightmare. April had noticed a change in me & she wasn't sure what it was. Until one night I decided to let it all out. It began with questioning her why she had said twisted me & Coddy's words to something that was not true. She did not give ma response. I told her, you've always told me Coddy is a good guy & when I hear that you are saying stuff that I did not say who am I suppose to believe? My best friend or the guy that you keep saying is a good person? She answered the guy that is a good person. April began to cry. I don't even think she understood why she was doing the things she was doing.
I bluntly told her, "do not expect for me, you & Coddy to be holding h&s down Bourbon St as if we were the best of friends because we are not."
I felt like after our conversation she would back off a little & just let me & Coddy be, but no April wasn't having it.

Eventually, after so many lies & so many twisted things, I decided to honestly tell April that I no longer considered her as my friend.
It was true, our friendship had turned into something hurtful, to me at least.

Finally, it was the day of the trip, & April & I were no longer talking. I tried to make the best of the trip but in reality it was the most horrible trip I had ever experience. Not even having Coddy around helped. I had an anxiety attack, there was a lot of things going on in my head & pressure I had felt unbearable. April tired to help but we were no longer close that she had no idea how to deal with me. Coddy tried to step in & tell everyone to just give me air & it worked. I called it a night & went back to the hotel. The next day I didn't know how to act around April, after all she had tried to help me during my anxiety attack. But the reminder of everything she had been doing the previous weeks led me to not wanting to talk to her.
It was the last day in NOLA & everyone was saying goodbye to each other since we had driven in different cars, our goodbye hug felt fake.
That was the last day of our friendship.We did not talk anytime after that. But me & Coddy's relationship grew even more.
It grew to the point where we felt like we were made for each other. We exchanged "I Love Yous" & it felt like the most perfect thing.
Coddy & April still worked with each other & I knew they were still 'friends'. I did not underst& why Coddy still kept such close touch with April after he witnessed everything she had lied about & even got to learn what had happened between April & Max.

The truth is that the longer they talked the more it hurt me. After seeing April's name on Coddy's phone I decided to break my silence. I told him that I understood that they were coworkers & that they needed to communicate with each other but that I did not understand the need to have her on all his social media. He didn't understand why I was so upset & just said, "me not hanging out with her should be enough for you."
The truth is, that wasn't enough for me. I no longer trusted April, I was no longer friends with her. How could I trust her with Coddy after what happened with Max? If she & Max kissed while she & I were friends, what wouldn't she do now that we were no longer friends with Coddy? All these thoughts in my head kept spinning & different scenarios kept replaying in my head.

I broke down & told Coddy, "you will never underst& how much I hate her, how she hurt every inch of me." Coddy could clearly see that I was hurt, but didn't do the thing he knew would heal me. He didn't want to budge & say, "fine, I'll take her off social media & try to keep our communication at a minimum." Instead, he let me walk away. He cried while we sat in the car discussing my issue about April. I was so upset that all I could say is that I WAS DONE, that I was done putting my feelings to the side, that I was done having to feel the sense of pain & anger every time I saw her name on his phone. Lying to myself & saying that It was probably nothing. But the truth is that it was something, he meant so much to her that he wasn't willing to stop some of the communication with her to keep me sane. Instead, he watched me say, **** it & not do a thing.

The question is, was I wrong for walking away?
I just hope that one day I am able to think of April without having so many negative memories come to head & hope that maybe their friendship was truly worth losing me.