Married and falling for coworker

[Paulo Victor BR]

Hello guys and gals. I'm not a native english speaker so please forgive me for the many mistakes on writing. I've been with my now wife for 11 years (married for almost 4). Our relationship was been doing well, but I admit in the last 2 years or so it is on a considerable decline. She is extremely jealous, even though I have almost no friends outside my work and do not hangout without her. Her jealousy is so toxic and definetely not a healthy one and i feel like in jail. For example, if i talk to other woman, even a salesclerk for exemple, she turns really mad, specially if she is attractive. Other than that, I find her an amazing person and woman... Here comes the tricky part: For the last two months i've had this feeling towards a new Co-worker. Actually, I am her boss. I'm not the best at reading signals but It seems she feels something too... She is sometimes playing with her hair in front of me, looks to my eyes and mouth while i speak to her, mentions other guys hitting on her and says they are ridículous; often comes too close, like 40 cm close on some situations... and we touch our hands many times when giving objects to the other... Lately she Said she is looking for someone with the same tastes as she has (the case with me). So I AM really confused here about what to do. She is so beautiful and we look so connected even if i still love my wife... But with her is just another feeling, much stronger and i feel alive again, like free from the prison i'm inside daily, without friends and subject to constant jealousy... So I ask for your suggestions, what should i do ? I was thinking about leaving my wife with most of our possessions (since i AM the big jerk on the story) and moving on, start from scratch. We do not have children, but I want somehow repay for the trouble i have given to her and the emotional pain she will surely feel....How do u think i should approach the co-worker (she is super shy and introvert)? Of course i plan to be low profile and do everything away from the office. Please if you are only going to accuse me, know that I AM already guilty enough. Thanks!!!!!

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By the way, i forgot to mention one thing. She knows i am married. One of our friends told her about the day of my wedding and she got all upset and moved away from us.

[richiro]

okay... IXNAY on doing anything with your new employee. Its actually very touchy LEGALLY in the realm of sexual harassment simply because YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER HER CAREER at the company. Just the APPEARANCE of favoritism is a bad bad thing.. so.. do not get involved or thikn anything of the co-worker you manage. she is probably using such things to help advance her career and get favoritism from you to get bigger raises, etc.

back to your wife. she does sound toxic and although all women (most) will b like that, that is to an unhealthy level and you may want to thnk about a divorce if you can afford it (guaranteed if she's being that selfish in the marriage.. she'l try to get everything from you in divorce.. can you live that way?)

but before you do anything with anybody else.. i would recommend divorcing your wife first before trying any other relatoinship. i woudl highly recommend (since you are a manager with power at your work) that you do not EVER date anybody at work.

Good luck. sorry to hear about your bad marriage.

[Paulo Victor BR]

Hello, richiro! Thanks a lot for the advice. I was thinking the same thing today. Guess all it takes now is the right moment to do it.

[pcmaster]

Hi there ! Welcum to forum.

I think your wife been cheated on in past and have some emotional trauma. Still you could have tried couples therapy or counseling. I like that you thinking about divorce before trying something with other girl. But really you might just be bored in your old relationship and this new thing might be exciting at first but how well do you know the girl? It takes at least year to get to know the person. Its like lottery if you decide to go after this new girl - in longterm might be better than your wife or worse, and there might be no longterm too.

So you have 3 options - 1. Fix the old relationship. 2. Settle for less - dont fix anything but just stay with your wife you love. 3. Try to win a lottery with new girl.

[richiro]

get a move on on it (the divorce then).
lastly.. NEVER date from the office (not unless your job roles are far apart from each other and you don't work together on anything).

[Paulo Victor BR]

Pcmaster, you were spot on. She has been cheated once. The guy was dating her sister while they were still engaged. Must have been real tough for her... But again, i think she overreacts on me. I can have no friends because she says they will take me to the wrong road... Cannot speak a word to women, because she says they will seduce me... Maybe counselling is the answer. I will play safe and try to fix my marriage before. Thanks to you all for the support!!!