My boyfriend and I have very different views

[kerriedrum95]

I am a 22 yr old female who has being going with my boyfriend for 5 months. I met him while I was working abroad last summer. Yesterday, I realised that we have very different views on very important things. He finds it amusing when people get hurt, and not just falling, but when people could get seriously hurt. He even said that he didn't care about what happened to all the people who died in the Holocaust and this shook me to my core. I am an extremely caring person and I don't understand how anyone could think this way. I have no idea what to do now and I need your advice.

[meloveu]

I think he's just trying to act tough and shielding himself from showing his soft side. We are human and it's inevitable to not feel or have emotions.

[kerriedrum95]

Thanks for your reply. You see, I don't think he is hiding his soft side. He posts gifs of people getting run over by cars, being attacked by animals etc. on facebook and finds them funny. When I say that it's not funny, all he says is that I have one opinion and he has another, and that who is right to say that it's not funny

[meloveu]

Do you know if hes on medication or suffering from depression, past tramas?

[Markdg61]

I would be extremely cautious with this one. The term for someone like that is a sadist. They enjoy watching other in pain or are suffering. I would worry about him inflicting pain on others for his own enjoyment.

[kerriedrum95]

In relation to medication, he's not on any and he has never suffered depression. He's a strong character and quite stubborn. In reply to Markdg61, that's what I am worried about, I don't think he would hurt someone himself, but he has the mindset that if you did something wrong, you deserved it

[Markdg61]

6 million Jews in Europe did nothing wrong and certainly didn't deserve what they got.

[kerriedrum95]

Exactly. I don't understand how anyone could say what he said and not care

[kerriedrum95]

Do you have advice on what I should do/how I should deal with it?

[TheEvilJester]

You know, as somebody with a bit of a dark and twisted sense of humor.... I have to respectfully disagree with ANYTHING said as a possible defense to the way this guy has acted. I have VERY little faith in humanity based on the life I've lived..... but I would NEVER say something so terrible even as a joke. Things like the holocaust were NOT funny in the slightest. I don't care if he was serious or if he thought he was being funny. Either option makes him a scumbag in my eyes. If he was being serious, he deserves his life so much less than those he carelessly vilifies. If he was joking, then he's an insensitive prick and isn't much better than a scumbag who actually would believe the terrible things he jokingly says.

So, I can't personally give you any advice other than to forget this loser and leave. Though, maybe I am overreacting, I don't know. You will really have to decide what is best since this is your life to live. But, I couldn't in good conscience suggest anything else.

[melancholia]

The biggest lesson I ever learned was that you can't change people. You can try to offer someone an alternative perspective, but at the end of the day, it's up to each individual to decide what they believe in. If you are so offended by your partner's beliefs or general outlook on life and of people, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. I couldn't be with someone who thought that way, so if you can't either, it's perfectly understandable.

[richiro]

wow that's a huge difference and a fundamental difference that is probably the beginning of a lot more differences. simply put - you should break it off and find somebody you are much more comfy with and more aligned with.

this difference is just not workable in the long run. i think you know that.

time to go.

[kerriedrum95]

Thanks for all of your responses. I was hoping that you three in particular would comment as I love your advice on other threads. I am still in discussion with him about this, and to be honest, I am tired of it going on this long. He still doesn't believe that what he said wasn't respectful or without humanity. I am grateful that this happened because I see now what his true feelings are. He said that he used to care for what should and shouldn't be vocalised, but now he says that people in general are awful. He is also saying that I am telling him what he should say and he is definitely on the defensive.
There is actually nothing else that I could say to him.

[melancholia]

It's disappointing when we realize that people in our lives have such different views than we do. He is entitled to his opinions, and you are entitled to yours, just as everyone else is. But I can see where you're coming from and I would feel the same way if my partner (or anyone in my life for that matter) felt, or said, the same things your BF is saying. When a person adopts views like he has, without any intention of looking inward and trying to learn about other views and perspectives, and admitting that those views could be wrong, it says a lot about that person's character and how they see everyone in their life. What if you were to get seriously injured some how, or if you or someone in your family had been a Holocaust survivor? He would view you with the same disdain he has for those individuals, and that hurts to learn, but it doesn't have to be your view and you don't have to put up with it if you don't want to. I think you may want to consider re-evaluating the relationship at this point and taking some time to decide if this is someone you truly want to be with and can see yourself with long term.

[richiro]

the lack of empathy for other life is very disturbing and thank gawd he hasn't acted out on any of it yet. That's a good sign.
The bad sign is that the single most common characteristic of serial killers, mass killers, the people that coudl perpetrate Sandy Hook and Columbine, etc. - are people that exhibit a lack of empathy for other life.

so yeah.. it's with many motivations I tell you to leave him... please do so. and please be very aware if he starts to cling or stalk - that is when people like him can become very dangerous and scary. DO NOT be afraid to report this to authorities and everybdy you know so yo have many eyes on it helping you and keep you from getting caught in a dangerous situation.

I am sorry i do not have a better take or somethign more positive to say