Jealous of girl at the gym

[lm0905]

I realize this is such a stupid thing to have a problem with, but it's been bugging me. So BF and I go to the same gym and usually go together in the morning. Though we technically go together, we usually do our own things at the gym, and then meet up at the end to walk out together.

There's been this same girl [20sF] that is usually there during the same time as us and I've noticed that she's the only one at that time who only ever wears just a sports bra and no shirt.
A few days ago, S/O and I were hanging out and I brought the gym girl up just asking if he's noticed her and he goes "oh the blonde one? yeah she's hot"... And I said "uh really? that's not what I was getting, but that's cool"

I have never noticed them talk or anything, but now that I know that my S/O is obviously attracted to her, I can't help but be bothered by it. Like I said, they have never talked or anything, but ever since he told me about this a few days ago, I have been finding myself going up to him at the gym more when she is in the vicinity.
I sometimes go up to him, but it's usually 1/2 the time I'm talking to him or the other 1/2 is I'm pitching his butt.

This morning, he was using a bench and every other bench was taken. Gym Girl happened to be working out a few feet away from him, but I went up to him because I wanted to use it right after him. After this happened, I could tell he was a little annoyed or bothersome about something.

After we left the gym this morning and we were walking to our cars, he tells me "idk if it's your insecurities but it's very obvious that I see you making little movements whenever you see Gym Girl even remotely close to me. Idk why you are insecure about it, but please stop"

Idk if I'm doing it subconsciously or what but this is clearly bothering me. I don't want it to affect my relationship or my workout, so how do I chill about Gym Girl?

[pcmaster]

Get a thick jumper and go to the gym girl and say - bitch wear this cause you look like a slut in your bra, dont want you near my BF like this.

[TheEvilJester]

On the surface I can definitely understand why part of you feels silly for being jealous..... but I actually have to defend you here. I think you certainly have a right to feel that way. Now, don't get me wrong. Based on what you've shared, I would bet you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Hell.... if you had something to worry about, he probably wouldn't have just blurted out "she's hot" like it meant nothing. So, I think you are fine....

BUT...

I think that was incredibly insensitive of him and I'd frankly have wanted to slug him in the face if I had been you. I mean, come on. We are all human. It's not like when we are in a relationship we suddenly become blind to all other attractive people around us. So, of course he probably noticed her, and if she's attractive, it's not surprising he noticed that..... but I see no reason to say that to you. I don't know. Maybe I am weird/old-fashioned, but I just think that comes down to proper respect and manners. It's not like you should expect that he doesn't find other women attractive. Of course he still will.... the important part is that he finds them attractive.... but he loves you. Just because he finds them attractive doesn't mean he DOESN'T find you attractive.

So, you certainly have a right to feel how you did and in my personal opinion he has some nerve being upset with you for the way you reacted. But.... I would still say you should also try to forget it if you can. Try not to make any big deal of it if/when you two happen to be there in the gym at the same time as her. Honestly, you probably have nothing to worry about.

Hell, think of it like this though.... If he WAS the kind of guy who'd hook up with some "hot girl" at his gym even though he's in a relationship.... is that really the kind of guy you'd want? So, heck, you are better off just to let him either prove himself a scumbag, or prove himself an honorable fella after all.

Good luck to you! Like I said, I think chances are you probably have nothing to worry about, but I can definitely understand why that bothered you.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

The thing about gym relationships is , they are alot complex than your usual everyday interactions l, i can safely say that , since im a gym guy myself.

And i'm big on short ,concise answers honestly: it is okay for you to be jealous , perfectly fine. But i really think you could trust your bf on this one ^~^ , just take a deep breath , and psych yourself into Trusting your bf ^~^!

[TheEvilJester]

Gym relationship? By that do you mean two people actually dating? I only ask because I'm somewhat of a gym guy as well, but I don't have any complex "gym relationships." Though... in fairness, I don't really like talking to people at the gym. I'm there to work out and go home, not chit chat. Not that I have anything against people who DO socialize at the gym. It's just not for me, personally.

[Fuzzyfeeling]

Well the thing is , you sometimes do run into a hot chick at the gym , and boy the competition is just FIRE jester LOL.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, you are definitely right, sometimes I do run into attractive women at the gym.... and I ignore them just as much as I ignore everybody else. LOL! That's me, though. I'm not a people person by far. Particularly in a situation like the gym. I want to get my work out done and go home. I'm not interested in lingering around.

So, I guess by the fact that I'm not trying to hit on any of the attractive females at the gym, I miss out on the competition.

[melancholia]

Why don't you start going to the gym at a different time, or better yet, start going separately? The focus should be working out and feeling good about your health and your body image, not to be preoccupied with a woman your BF finds attractive. He will meet/see women he finds attractive, just like you will meet/see men who you find attractive. It shouldn't be threatening to you at all; but I understand the feelings of jealousy and inadequacy that comes with being in a relationship sometimes. The trick is to ignore those feelings, remind yourself you're with a good man in a good relationship, and get back to focusing on enjoying your workouts.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah. Agreed. If you let it, jealousy can drive you crazy. If he gives you legit reasons to think he can't be trusted, then you'd be better off without him anyway. But, it sounds like maybe he's a good guy who just doesn't necessarily always engage his brain before his mouth. LOL! It would be a shame to have to change your gym patterns and go at separate times instead of sharing that with him, but if you find it too hard not to get jealous otherwise, that may be helpful.

As Melancholia says, echoing my own sentiments even, it's not like he's never going to see other women he finds attractive. If he's a good guy, though, it won't matter whether they are attractive or not because YOU are his girlfriend and therefore YOU are so much more attractive to him.

Good luck!

[melancholia]

I want to clarify that feelings of jealousy are perfectly normal and natural emotions to have. It's what we do with that emotion that can be troublesome and can lead to friction in a relationship when there shouldn't be any. We all get jealous from time to time, and some more than others, but if you understand that it's a natural emotion, and that's it, it can be easier to manage. My suggestion to alter the time slot of your gym dates, or to go to the gym separately, was to offer a simple solution so you don't see Gym Girl there, and it ends the distraction you're feeling. When we feel an emotion we don't enjoy, we have two options: 1) Change your attitude about it; or 2) Change the environment to eliminate the triggering situation.