Communication help needed

[behvlnd]

Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have been togethor for over two years now. We have been intimate and had sex for about the same length of time, we have also only ever been with each other. She takes the pill and I always use a condom. No exceptions and we never have sex while she is on her period, as we agreed that it is not worth the risk. Things have been going really well in our relationship but in the last few days, her attitude has changed. She now says that she doesn't want to have sex as often because she is concerned with the risk of getting pregnant. I know this is in relation to her thinking about the future as she is applying for grad school. We have also talkdd about the possibility of her getting and IUD which is even safer than the pill but she is concerned with the effects it could have with her hormones.

What I am asking for help with is, how do I talk to her about my sexual desires without disregarding her genuine concerns? Are there any relevant stats or information regarding IUDs that might help convince her of that? What can I do to help her not worry as much and trust in the statistics and safety of the methods we use?

Thanks for the help!

[forsaken]

If you are using both condom and the pill (well done btw, you are both very sensible) you are pretty much protected from the risk of pregnancy as long as your other half is taking them.
There are some advantages and disadvantages to IUD coil and it might be worth talking them through, and allowing your other half to share how she feels about the step.
Advantages and disadvantages of the IUD, this information was sourced from the NHS webspage

Advantages of the IUD
Most women can use an IUD, including women who have never been pregnant.
Once an IUD is fitted, it works straight away and lasts for up to 10 years or until it's removed.
It doesn't interrupt sex.
It can be used if you're breastfeeding.
Your normal fertility returns as soon as the IUD is taken out
It's not affected by other medicines.
There's no evidence that having an IUD fitted will increase the risk of cancer of the cervix, endometrial cancer (cancer of the lining of the womb) or ovarian cancer. Some women experience changes in mood and libido, but these changes are very small. There is no evidence that the IUD affects weight.

Disadvantages of the IUD
Your periods may become heavier, longer or more painful, though this may improve after a few months.
An IUD doesn't protect against STIs, so you may have to use condoms as well. If you get an STI while you have an IUD, it could lead to a pelvic infection if not treated.
The most common reasons that women stop using an IUD are vaginal bleeding and pain.


If her current attitude has changed however, wanting less sex,maybe including some other things that you haven't stated, something may be playing on her mind that she doesn't want to talk about right now and using the risk of pregnancy as an excuse! I only bring this up because the current method you are using has been effective for you both for some period of time. Thinking of my own situation, tell tale signs of something more was happening behind the scenes were wanting less sex, excuses not for being close. It might just be worth sitting down together and having a good talk as communication is key for any relationship.

Good Luck

[behvlnd]

Thank you for the input. It really helped ease my mind actually. However, I talked with her last night, after we stopped in the middle of being intimate because she didn't want to go further. She says that it's not anything to do with me but she knows of too many people who are supposedly careful (not necessarily as we have been) and it scares her. She said she has alos had a lot of weird dreams lately involving babies and has a really bad gut feeling. So she wants to not have sex. What sucked the most is when she said she sometimes wishes we had never started having sex, so there wouldn't be any expectations for it. I also posed the question of whether this was something she might feel better about after the feeling passes, or is she thinking of waiting 10 years or so (that's when we had considered having kids, once we are graduated and established) until we have sex. She didnt have an answer for that either. We ended the coversation with me saying that we both have a lot of thinking and talking to do so that we can find a way for both of us to be happy. Then we went to sleep as we both had to be up early anyway.