Not sure what happened :(

[mkn1010]

Ok, so I'm 29 and I met a guy on Tinder (he's 30). So we started dating, see each other about twice a week, he messaged me every day and called me every few days. After our second date, he asked me if I wanted to come to dinner with his sister and cousin, I declined saying that it was a little too soon for me. He also told his whole family about me and said they were really excited. Unfortunately, his grandmother passed away. Then approximately, 1 month in, I spent the weekend at his place and his grandfather (the spouse of the grandmother) also passed away and I was with him when he got the news. He was very emotional and I comforted him and he wanted me to stay with him, which I did.

He also deleted his Tinder profile saying he doesn't need it cos he "has me". He texted me things like "I miss you" and also asked me to spend NYE with him this year (despite the fact that it's still 6 months away). The next time I saw him, I met some of his friends. Later that night he told me all about how he intends to teach interstate next year (something he'd previously mentioned) and he said he’s been "really confused" lately as that's his dream but now he’s met someone "really really nice". He then asked if I would consider going, to which I replied that I'm not really into making future plans as life is very unpredictable and we could hate each other in two weeks. He seemed okay with my answer at that stage. He then asked again but via text if I'd consider moving. And I said that I'd move for "the love of my life", ie that "iridescent person that no one else compares to". Then I said "I'm not saying that's not you, I'm saying it’s too early to tell".

That's when things got weird, communication dwindled and he became short with me. I'm like what the hell dude, you've clearly back-tracked and I called him out on it. He said I was reading too much into things. We chatted in person and all he could say is that he's now confused about me. I asked whether he had any feelings for me and he said he is "just really confused" and that he thinks I have jumped too far ahead of HIM. I said I wasn't really keen on dating someone so confused and I told him we'll just leave it and I proceeded to say goodbye and he then said "you're making it sound so final" and he asked "can we just sit on it for a few days?", I didn't say anything as I was on the way out the door and he said "talk to you soon". 10 days pass and I hear nothing, I didn't message him at all. However, I had tickets to a gig we were going to go to together which was coming up in a few days. So I sent him a casual text just seeing if he still wanted to come along. He said "nah made plans, but I can give you the money". I just said I didn't care about the money but that I was hoping he'd get back to me as he requested 'a few days'. He then said "I can't get involved with anyone right now because I'm moving interstate and because you were getting more involved than me". I said "that's bullshit" and he goes "I just mean your feelings were stronger than mine".

Very very bizarre! Does anyone have any idea what the hell is going on with this dude? :/

[mkn1010]

Can someone please respond?

[Aussie Passion]

Sounds like he didn't really know what he wants in the first place! Do you know what his previous relationships were like? Maybe he hadn't had a serious relationship before and this scared him. I mean it could be so many things really. Feelings can change quickly in the early stages of a relationship, and that can be heartbreaking ( believe me, I've been there, you probably have too... ) It sounds to me, it's probably best to just move on. At best you could give an ultimatum. State what you want, and see if he's happy with that. If not...move on. Someone will appreciate you...Good luck!

[mkn1010]

I don't think he's ever had a serious relationship before. In fact, the only other girl that he spoke of that he "loved" broke his heart, but they were only romantic for one weekend (but friends for 3 years). I get that feelings change in the early stages of a relationship, however I would have thought the vulnerability and intensity shared (particularly by him) surrounding the family deaths would have meant that he felt bonded to me in some way.

He also messaged me the other day (after we've stopped talking completely) to tell me that he found my old bank card at his place under the couch. He knows that I cancelled it and I previously told him that he can just throw it out if he finds it because it's invalid. So I don't know why he'd even bother to message me, wouldn't he just bin it, especially if his feelings for me have changed and doesn't feel it anymore.

[Aussie Passion]

It's tempting to read into little things like this. If he really hasn't has a serious relationship before, then that does change this a little though. Some guys will be scared at being that close to someone ( especially if they are a virgin )
It is true that a death may bond couples, but also once reality hits again, then many people reassess how they felt in the first place.
I guess you have two choices. Either move on and find something that is less complicated. OR if you really think this could work, you have to spell it out and talk about it. Tell him that you are happy to have a relationship take it slow, but that he has to be fair and reasonable in his expectations. If he really wants it, you will be able to work it out, so that you are both comfortable.
Sometimes things just aren't clear in life, and it's up to you to make sure that they are. But be warned, first time serious relationships can be difficult to nurture in the beginning stages if one party is just not experienced. It may take a bit of patience and be frustrating for you...only you can decide it if it's worth your time pursuing..