Shes tells you a subject is boring: rude or not?

[Izafly]

Hi all,

So Ive been with the gf for over 2 years and soon to be tying the knot. Mostly all is great, and I really cant complain. But there is a small thing that sometimes bugs me.

Im an open guy that can talk about almost anything, but my passions are space and tech stuff. Its not the only thing I talk about, but its maybe about half. The one thing I really dislike is when she flat out tells me that's boring can we talk about something else. She has even told me she sometimes drones me out! She sometimes talks about boring things, but I keep an open mind and just soak it in.

Is this even worth talking about or just let it be? There are plenty of other interesting things that we do talk about, though.

[LoveMadLove]

Maybe addressing how you feel with your gf? You might learn she is just bored because she doesn't understand? If it means that much to you that she does show some level of interest in the things you like maybe take a different approach to it and actually show her some things on the topics ..? Really show her what you see.
Hope this helps. All the best

[TheEvilJester]

Maybe and maybe not. The bottom line, though, is it bothers you. So, if you feel it could help, then please do talk to her about it. Do not do so immediately after the next time she says it, because that is likely when your temper may be a bit elevated. You want to do so at a time when you are level-headed so you can discuss it with her fairly. Remember, these topics may be interesting to you, but they aren't going to be interesting to everybody. So, she isn't wrong if she's not interested.... but she should be more sensitive about how she expresses that.

Are there others topics you both enjoy discussing? If so, I'd suggest you more so talk about that and keep the talk about the topics that don't really interest her to a minimum. If you two have absolutely no shared interests, then I couldn't help but wonder why you are together. That might require a much more serious conversation. But, if it is just certain topics that you enjoy but she does not, there is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to be a carbon copy of each other. It is good for you both to have shared interests as well as solo interests.

It also wouldn't hurt to think of things from her perspective. Think of a topic that has literally ZERO interest for you. Now, imagine if somebody tried to talk to you at length about it. Wouldn't you sort of feel like it was boring and they were droning on and on about it? I think you can certainly understand how she feels. She should be more sensitive in the way she brings it up to you, but if she's not really interested in the topic, then why go into detail about it anyway?

Don't get me wrong. That isn't to say you can't/shouldn't talk to her about it AT ALL. It is just, if/when you do, you give her the sort of "Cliff notes" version rather than the whole big picture. The short story version, and maybe explain why it is so important to you. On the other hand, if/when you talk to somebody who IS interested in the same topics, then you can go into great detail because they probably WOULD find it interesting.

Again, do not misunderstand. I do not mean to imply you are wrong. You are certainly not wrong to want to share something you care about with her. She definitely could/should have been more sensitive in how she shared that these topics do not interest her. At the same time, though, if you know she isn't interested in something the way you are, then you know it is best to keep discussions about that sort of stuff minimal and more so try to explain WHY it is important to you so she can maybe more so relate to that.

Now, if she continues to be disrespectful about it, then that would certainly be a problem. But, if the way she acts about it upsets you, then you certainly have a right to feel that way. Maybe she doesn't mean to be insensitive. So, just talk to her. Good luck.

[dontaskme]

Why would you continue talking about topics that are 0% interesting to her? Don't the two of you find anything else to talk about that you both find engaging? Can you find anyone else to talk to that have the same interest as you?

I do the same thing with my fiancé, If I find the topic boring, I would flat out tell him rather than pretend that I find it fascinating.

You two should find a common ground to communicate anything you find displeasurable in a relationship without the other getting offended.

[melancholia]

Couples don't have to be interested in the same things to make a relationship work. If she doesn't find those things interesting, then find other things to talk about. I am sure not everything she says to you is your favorite thing to hear. Yes, we have to compromise and listen to our partner when they are sharing things with us. That's important for bonding and to feel validated and "heard" in your relationship. I'm not saying you can't talk about it; but maybe try a different approach to it, or try to make it more exciting for her. Maybe talk about it less often, and engage in other conversations with her. If you do start talking to her about something and she flat our says "I'm bored" or "this is boring". Then tell her how that makes you feel. She may be trying to change the subject, and doesn't realize how rudely that delivery may come across to you.

[TheEvilJester]

I'd also add that there is a difference between somebody who is just a rude, self-centered jerk and somebody who just maybe is not that interested in a particular topic. In other words, if her default is to instantly tune out literally the second you start talking, then yeah... maybe she's just rude and inconsiderate. But, if you are talking about topics that have zero interest for her, then that would get boring for anybody.

It's kind of like if you are a rocket scientist, or a brain surgeon, or a super techy IT person.... you could talk for hours with somebody in your profession and you'd probably both find it very fascinating.... but if you talked to somebody who knew nothing about the topic they'd be struggling to stay awake. Or another example is the difference between talking about your favorite show/movie/fandom of some sort with a fellow fan, or with somebody who has no interest in it. Have you ever been around one of those clueless fans who will talk at GREAT length about their fandom of choice no matter if they are talking to a fellow fan or somebody who CLEARLY could not care less?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you are that guy. I'm just trying to sort of put it in perspective how she may be feeling when you talk at length about something she knows very little about or is not as into as you. Also don't misunderstand.... I'm still not saying that excuses her. She doesn't need to be so insensitive about it. I would venture to guess she doesn't mean to be, but that still doesn't make it okay if it upsets you. So, talk to her about how it makes you feel when she acts so dismissive like that. At the same time, though, my advice to you if/when discussing those topics with her is to keep it simple and short.

For me, when I'm talking to somebody about a topic I know they are not as interested in (for example, work stuff that is obviously not going to make sense to them because they aren't in the same field and/or do not work for the same company), I just give them the basic highlights of the story so they understand the impact of what/why I'm telling them. I'm trying to think, but can't really think of a specific example off the top of my head. Hopefully you kind of get what I mean.