Does my friend like me?

[Cali_Love]

P.S.
& I told her, "I know you don't like people right away (romantically) they just grow into you except for me" & she told me "you been growing into me" it's hard not to read into it ... I know I shouldn't

[Kates David]

It does n`t make grammatical sense. Wont she respond with actual information? - No wonder it is hard work. Perhaps it gives us something. Perhaps you are making her feel guilty over her feelings for you? She suggests to this. This makes perfect sense if you are not wholly engaging with her emotionally/meeting her half way emotionally/acknowledging correctly how she feels and clearly meeting this yourself. There must be left no gap for possible miscommunication, and over state rather than under. As this does indeed seem to be the issue then it is highly likely that we have the answer to why it is she feels guilty/to why it is she is being made to feel guilty. The sooner you right this wrong the better, or otherwise, you still remain just as much, perhaps by now much more so, on borrowed time. There wont likely be any way whatsoever back.

[Cali_Love]

I mean we were just messing around we were laughing while talking about it but you're right I guess I shouldn't even be joking about that. I will be more cautious with my words & make sure that I don't make her feel guilty about how she feels. I just want to be there for her as a friend even though it hurts sometimes I just feel like not even talking to her at all it's less painful.... I know it's hard but she's worth it so I'm here trying to be as supportive of a friend as I can.

[Kates David]

As much in friendship as love we are capable of far more than we realize. Yes, it can be hard work, it can be the hardest work which we`ll ever be called upon to do. When she is doing this "joking around" she is not really joking around, she is actually being both as serious and direct as she dare be/as her feelings can afford her to be under these current circumstances of you. At least love her as a friend. This accommodates hugging, so be tactile. Talk about your feelings with her more, straight talk, not joking around.

[Cali_Love]

We had a long talk and we decided to just end the friendship unless we really need someone to be there then we'll be there for each other. But we're not talking on a daily basis. It's been complicated for 10 years now & we will need this space. Maybe it's the right thing to do. The vacation we planned a few months back were still going in about 3 weeks. It's just so hard to look at her as just a friend & it's so hard to try to hide my feelings. & it's gonna be hard bcoz I got used to her being there all the time.

[Kates David]

What, really needing someone to be there type friendship is the very opposite place to ending a friendship. So you have actually both agreed that you love each other, but that you`ll only service that love at critical times. They will be your most emotionally vulnerable times, the worst possible times for you, so what is wrong with agreeing to be together when you are at your emotionally strongest? - Ideals only ever work by chance. Only what works works. Your plan is likely to further damage your relationship in the longer term.

[Cali_Love]

We both agreed that we care about each other but we need space. I love her romantically but she loves me as a friend. I need time to get myself together & she needs time for herself. But she knows that if she ever need someone to be there for her that I'm always going to be here and vice versa.

[Kates David]

Sure, but if you need space you`ll be getting the very opposite of space if she is coming to you when she needs you, that is pretty much ultimate emotional seduction. You both love each other, and if her friendship love is genuinely the real thing it is definitely not in second place to your romantic love. Yes, it is romantic/sounds romantic, but every time you get back together under such circumstances your relationship shall yet again be ultimately tested. Prove me wrong, but I doubt that this relationship which the two of you have can stand up to a full volume blast of the emotional imbalance of friendship being met by romantic love, at each and every getting back together. On the other hand, if the first crisis/temporarily getting back together is some time hence there may no longer be any significant imbalances. Finally there is the question as to whether you both can see into how you`ll feel in the future/whether in fact you`ll both still wish to turn to the other then, and whether the other shall still feel love enough to offer the required support. This even should there be a third, or perhaps a fourth party by this time?

[Cali_Love]

Hi,

So the "space" that we talked about did not work bcoz even tho she agreed to not talking to each other unless it's something very important she would still text me about everything & anything that's going on. Even the tiniest thing like she's eating or what she's eating or when she wakes up whatever she's doing she updates me. & I don't want to just ignore her so we end up talking everyday. Why does she do this to me? How am I suppose to move on? Sometimes I feel like I should just show her how special she is to me . But is that being disrespectful towards her feelings?

Another thing...... she's going to visit my city in about 2 weeks. Any suggestions on what we should do? Where should I take her ? Friendly places or romantic places?

[Kates David]

When circumstances are imperfect options have to be imperfect. Give her a final explanation then ignore her texts. Get over her first! This is the best approach for you both. Too much emotion is as useless to you as it is to her. You can love her far better on reduced emotion. To achieve this change your number. To remind her that you are still in fact best friends do n`t forget her birthday and special occasions, and always with the reminder that the situation is only temporary.

[Cali_Love]

I'm gonna need to block her bcoz it's hard to not be there for her when she's having a bad day or when she needs me I can't just ignore her. She will be here in a couple of days & after that i will stay away from her. I just feel like I want to show her how I feel when she gets here I want to take her somewhere special I want to show her that she's special to me. But is that being inconsiderate and disrespectful of her feelings after she told me she doesn't want me as more than a friend? Would it be wrong to make her feel special? I don't want to hang out with her & try to hide how I feel, I just want to show her how I really feel without hiding anything. But what's the right thing to do?

[Kates David]

That`s what I mean, ignore/block, I`d expect you to find blocking much easier. It`s only inconsiderate of her feelings if your feelings seduce her in any single way. Relationships can be really really tough, and this is likely in significant part why so many of us are only capable of "selfish love". The worst thing that can happen to your emotions right now is if she were to dump you as a friend over a display of genuine love. The safer option might be not to plan on blocking her immediately after all of your love guns are blazing. However, if you can both get away with it, so if you are intimately aware of how you both function emotionally, that final communication with her of your love might on balance prove to be significantly therapeutic. Can you be certain that it would put you in an emotionally stronger position for leaving her. If you are not sure I`d stay well clear. You would LIKELY benefit emotionally from successfully/without repercussion for yourself going out with that immediate memory of your love. You could also further entrench yourself.

[Cali_Love]

I don't think she will dump me as a friend if I showed her how I feel. But I just want to do everything I can that way I do not regret not giving it my all before walking away. & im hoping it will be easier to stay away from her knowing that I did everything I can but she just doesn't want me like that. This trip I already cancelled with her but she insisted that we go through with it. & she knows that it's really hard for me to not be close to her (physically) when she's around. Like I cuddle with her & I hold her hand & she's okay with it.

[Kates David]

In principal I absolutely agree with that approach, and it`s the same one I`d likely adopt. The down side, and it`s a very big one, is that this process of parting of ways may only serve to seduce you totally. From a place of total seduction your master plan cannot even hope to be realized.

[Cali_Love]

She's here now, we're sleeping on the same bed but I am on the other side of the bed keeping my distance. Me holding her is only for my own satisfaction I want to show her love through my actions I want her to have a good time & feel happy & loved while she's with me. I know she knows just by the way I look at her. Earlier we were watching tv and I was sitting on the other side of the couch and she sat next to me and laid her head on my lap. But I'm not giving in and overthinking things. Im guarding my heart and I'm not falling more in love with her.