Complicated Love Life

[ts05]

I have been romantically involved with my school friend past three years. The first year when we started he never told me he had a marriage commitment with someone. towards the end of first year he went ahead with the marriage and we broke up. three months later he started chasing me again saying it was a commitment he had to fulfill and couldn't break it. I did not give in because I saw the two having fun, clicking pictures, roaming around, and watching movies. He called continuously and messaged day and night for 6 months. Then one day I spoke to him and he told me that in the first month itself he had changed his room and he never got intimate with her because she is a good friend turned wife. He doesn't feel love for her. Care and concern yes! So we kept bouncing back and forth past 1.5 years. Mainly because I didn't like the photography sessions they had and the sharing that took place. Every night past 2 yrs he is with me all night...everything virtual of course. We couldn't meet all this time...just never happened. Last year Nov I got really serious for him because he stopped everything that he was sharing with her. Even washing of clothes and eating at home he stopped. He spent all the time either working or with me. He changed a lot of things for me. Made himself more available for me so that I don't have any insecurities. I became fine and then one day he started fighting with me over my past. I got divorced and have a son. He uses this against me now. He says am not pure and am a bad girl because I spoke to men even if it was a simple hello.I never slept with anyone but still he says that even when my marriage was bad I allowed him to sleep with me and then have the child. But all that was more forceful. There was no love in my marriage. it lasted a year.

Past 4 months I got really insecure and somehow his behaviour of abusing and screaming got into me. I now lose control and start screaming and abusing the wife when he says good things about her or compares me with her. Is it not natural to lose control and feel bad for he is saying this for some other woman. to top it all he tells acts very protective of her and asks me never to abuse or say anything for her when it is between him and me. all these fights he starts. He says because I have a past so I should not have a voice. He has a past as well. He has also lied to me. Just that he is a virgin and hasn't slept or has no kid. Yesterday again he cursed my whole family, my blood, called me dirty and said the wife is very pure and cares for him. All my sacrifices for him and care is gone when he fights. I am so disturbed. There are times when he says we will marry and then there are also times that he tells me my womb is used and will never bear his kid coz am dirty. When we fight, within seconds he says he is fed up and he is stuck. The wife is so nice she never raised her voice, never fights. He says he doesnt know how to get rid off me. Then again in the morning he is back to normal. But today he didnt do the usual things coz he says he is hurt. what about my hurt? What about my pain? I have to bear this other woman living under the same roof while he doesnt have to. He wants to have children but says he cant have coz he is so stuck in love with me yet wont have it with me. My painful past has become even more painful listening to his words of hurt. We love each other very much but I also know it shouldn't be this way. I can't close my eyes to his good words for her and pretend to be normal. It burns me. Please somebody help....suggest what should I do.

[bibhudatta]

My Dear friend Love life is always complicated we all know this very well but we do this again & again
we all have millions of stories about this situations.
I like this one most You should also read it once.
You also like it
" This Love Story Of Two Air Warriors Will Touch Your Heart In Ways You Can't Imagine" Writtent by Abhisek mohapatra
https://storymirror.com/story/56bc1f402086f7670633518a

[Mech Mushroom]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that

First of all, I don't agree that any woman should be treated so badly. If a man is treating you like a piece of crap, he is no man and is really just a piece of crap himself. I hope you don't take offense from that, it's just my opinion. In those situations, I think the woman should get out of the relationship as fast as she can because it usually just gets worse. No woman is worth being called "dirty" or anything of the like. Woman should be respected, and if that's not what you're getting, get rid of him. To me it sounds like he thinks he's trying to take ownership of you, but that should never be the case. A wife (or lover) should submit to their husband, but a husband should respect his wife. Always. If you're not getting from him what you want to get, and he won't listen to you, he's not worth your time.

I know it would be extremely difficult to do this, and I'm sure you have many mixed feelings for this man, but I urge you to realize that you are worth so much more than what this man tells you you are worth. Your identity, who you claim to be, should not rely on this man. You shouldn't have to introduce yourself to someone as "his lover" or anything of the sort. You are your own person, you deserve a life that recognizes you as one. You shouldn't have to fight over a man with another woman, he needs to choose you or her, he cannot have two, that would be unfair for the two of you women.

If you disagree with any of this, please feel free to disregard it, I don't want to offend you in any way, this is just what I think you should do.

Best of luck, I really hope you find happiness in your life!

[melancholia]

He's married and he's an abuser. You should stop wasting your time with this guy because it's only going to get worse. The facts are the facts, he is MARRIED and an abuser. Why would you even bother trying to make it work with a guy like that when there are so many other men out there who actually respect and love women? He's projecting his own negative image of himself onto you when he calls you dirty and horrible things. That's all that it, but you will believe it because you have feelings for him. Even though you shouldn't believe it at all. I understand it's hard to leave someone you care about, even when you know you would be better off without them; but this guy doesn't have any good qualities. So you are wasting your precious time with a loser who can't get his act together. You should be with someone who is kind, thoughtful, respectful, and considerate. This guy does not posses any of those qualities whatsoever.

If you have any self-respect, you will end this relationship, block him from being able to contact you via any method, and move on. You owe it to yourself and your son to give up on this guy and look for something better.