Stuck between the girl Im in love with and a pregnant girl I resent.

[Talky]

Hi. Im 29 years old. I left the military in 2013 and travelled the world, before ending up in my sleepy grey hometown in Northern England. I started dating a girl but quickly realized we were totally incompatible. She was a bum, the world owed her a favour and she was abusive when she didnt get her way.
I moved on. I met my girlfriend, shes beautiful, caring, understanding, and we clicked. We fell in love and the past year has been great.
All throughout the year, Problem girl was constantly messaging me asking to meet as friends or go out and Id constantly decline reminding her she was being inappropriate.
A month ago I was out with friends after celebrating the purchase of my own house. I was blackout drunk and ended up home alone. Problem girl called and says she wants to see it. Being proud drunk and relaxed I agreed to let her in.
I cheated. I dont remember the details but the shame and guilt is still with me. I feel worthless.
I had to come clean, so told my girlfriend, she said she was prepared to work through it with me.
Its now a month ago, and Problem girl messages me saying she's pregnant. My girlfriend is devastated. Im devastated. I cant share a child with her. I told her i wanted her to have an abortion. That Id pay for it privately and i was in no way able to be with her.
Its been a huge blow. My girlfriend doesnt want anyone to know out of shame and embarrassment. Then my girlfriend asks what I want to do about it. She says if Im willing to pay the girl money and never see the child we could run away together....
Im seriously considering it. I was shot through the neck by a sniper in Afghanistan and recieve a good income from the pension I recieve and investments I made with the compensation. I could provide for us both comfortably.
Im in love and I think Its the best option right now.

[melancholia]

Welcome to adulthood. You had unprotected sex with a woman who clearly wasn't using birth control, which is so irresponsible on both your parts. Did you get tested for STIs afterward? If you didn't, you definitely should. I'm not saying that to be rude, I am saying it because your sexual health should be of the utmost importance, and if you have slept with your girlfriend after having sex with this other woman, then she should get tested as well.

You say you love your girlfriend, but why did you cheat on her then? And with someone you seem to dislike so much? Maybe you need to figure out what your problem is before you consider being with anyone. Your girlfriend sounds like a real strong, forgiving woman if she is willing to stick by you after your blatant disrespect for her and your relationship.

Here's the deal though, you have absolutely zero say in what this woman decides to do about her pregnancy. I'm not sure how custody and child support works in your country, but if she names you as the father on the birth certificate, you're basically f*cked for life (and I highly suggest getting a DNA test as soon as possible, which I believe is around 14 weeks at the earliest). If she does decide to take the pregnancy to term and have the baby, you don't really have a say in much about it. You can decide to be a deadbeat, absent father, or you can make an attempt to co-parent. You absolutely NEED to talk to this woman and figure out what decision she is going to make, and it's not going to be an easy one for her either. She has to take responsibility for this just as much as you do, and unfortunately, your current girlfriend will suffer the most because even though you don't have any say in what choice this woman makes, your girlfriend has even less choice.

This is too bad. I know a lot of what I said here may sound harsh, but you need a wake up call here. It is totally sh*tty this is happening, but it's time to grow up and deal with it in a mature way. That's all you can do. Talk to this woman, find out what choice she is going to make, and then go from there. I hope that your girlfriend sticks by you through this, but be prepared for the fact that it may become too much for her.

[TheEvilJester]

This situation sucks for sure..... but honestly, you made your own bed and now you have to lie in it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it is just the honest truth. You may have been drunk, but that doesn't make somebody do something they wouldn't have done otherwise, that just makes them less inhibited. It isn't like she held a gun to your head and said "SLEEP WITH ME OR ELSE!" Not only that, but you slept with her unprotected, and without knowing whether or not she was taking birth control.

So, bottom line is IF the kid is yours, you have every bit as much responsibility for the child. You have to do whatever it is you feel is right, but frankly I don't think there is any way it would be right to run from your duties. You brought this child into the world. ....Now, all of that is assuming that your ex is actually being honest. It is entirely possible that either A) she's not pregnant at all and is just lying to manipulate you or B) she actually IS pregnant, but by somebody else and is knowingly lying to you in hopes of forcing you to be with her.

So, at the very least, you should get a paternity test as soon as such a thing is possible. Absolutely do not just take her at her word. You certainly should NOT be made to be responsible for a child who is not yours after all.

Now, all that said.... I also think you need to do some serious soul-searching to figure out why you even slept with her in the first place? I mean, even inebriated, why would you sleep with somebody you literally despised, and especially when you are supposedly so madly in love with your girlfriend? Your gal is a frigging saint for actually being strong enough to give you a chance to make this all right. If you cannot live up to be the man she deserves, then you owe it to her to set her free to find that man.

It is not okay to cheat on anybody EVER. I hope this was a first time offense for you. If it was, I hope you've learned a valuable lesson from it, because at least then something good will come of it. Believe me, I am not meaning to vilify you. We all screw up sometimes in life.... but the only REAL screw up is by not learning from your mistakes. So you need to figure out if you still want to be with your gal, or if maybe subconsciously you do not and that is at least in part why you cheated. If you do still want to be with her, then you need to do some work to make sure you never make a mistake like that again.

But, no, I would not personally advise you just run away from your problems. If it turns out the baby IS yours, you have an obligation to care for the kid. If it turns out the baby IS NOT yours, then you'd have fled for no reason.

[melancholia]

*applause*

[bloodtippedrose]

She has been trying to snag you forever, she's probably lying to trap you. If she is pregnant though stop being a shitbag SELFISH person and running away from your issues. Why did you even keep her number and respond to problem girl for a year?? My bf has never met his dad, who ditched town never to be seen again, he doesn't even care about the crappy "dad" but it would be nice to know his family medical history and origin.

[TheEvilJester]

Why did you even keep her number and respond to problem girl for a year??

Thank you! I don't know, maybe it is me, but I could just never get this. Why do people continue to allow bad people into their lives? Once you know they are a bad person, you should know you don't need them in your life. It's one thing if we are talking you have a bad person for a mother or father. Then they are family and I can understand not wanting to get rid of them from your life completely because they are family. (Though, in that case you should still at least keep them at arm's length for your own mental health.)

But, when we are talking an ex, what reason is there to keep an abusive ex like this in your life? If/when they try to reach out, why even bother to respond? Why not just ignore them as though they don't even exist? Now this OP may very possibly have forced himself to have to be linked with this woman for the rest of his life. That is if she didn't make the whole baby thing up.