What should I do?

[zasysacz]

First Im going to describe what kind of person I am: I dont express my emotions too much but I dont have hard time talking to strangers etc. Im also bit crazy so I do stupid things. Laziness is my worst con but I can convince myself to do things that I find important for me. Another thing which is important to note is that when I drink and have enough alcohol to get completly wasted I just do it. Last thing is that when people first meet me I seem to be kinda stupid but after they get to know me everyone tells me that im really intelligent and I think the same but Im not so sure of it.

On 14.11.2015 I have met a girl(Jessica) at my classmates (she is her best friend, an her name is Sarah). We just had a little talk.
On 27.11.2015 My friend sent me a screenshoot of his texts with my classmate who told him that Jessica is "open for new friends and would like to make a new one". Later on we found out that my friend and Sarah set everything up.
After seeing this I texted her and we texted non stop for 3 days. On day 3's night after she went to sleep I went on her facebook and just fell asleep while holding phone with her picture in it. This is how I fell in love.
Whole month was perfect until we decided to go to new years party. 3 days before some guy texted me that he is going to kill me (he had a crush on Jessica and he is her close friend) so I told her about this and she said that I should just ignore him and so I did. When we got to the party he didnt even show up.
The party was just horrible for us both (all the girls got drunk by drinking one 2% beer and when I was trying to make a short spech everyone just yelled at me and I did the same to them. After this I and Jessica went upstairs to silent place just to talk. And you propably already guessed I dont remember none that happend after besides that I told her that I love her and that we kissed.
On 18.01.2016 she asked me if I remember what I said and I agreed(not in 1 word ofc) and we ended up kissing for the first time while not being drunk.
After some time she asked when I first felt that I love her and I did the same (she said that Im the first person that truely cares about her).
Next 4 moths were almost perfect. We got really close to eachother and spent every minute of our free time together. And we also got little sexual which is important for the story. Also we had minor arguments which always ended by me saying sorry.
On 1.05.2016 We had bigger argument and after 4 days of not talking I apologised.
We decided that we need a fresh start and we did. I was nice to her and she was too. We also gone little sexual.
On 23.05.2016 I asked her out but she refused. She told me that she is going out with friend and I asked with who. She said that she is going out with this guy from the party. I just went furious. At first I tried to stay calm but I couldnt hold it and I said really bad things (that she is a bitch, cheating whore and I told this guy to have her because she is just a thrash for me now) which I wouldnt ever consider saying while being sober.
Couple of days later I apologised but always when I texted her she didnt text back unless this guy went offline. I straight out asked her when she stopped loving me. She said it was on 01.05.2016 when we argued.
Now we lost contact. She wanted to stay friends but I refused, I just couldnt handle the inner pain which even turned into physical pain and panic attacks. 2 weeks later I wanted to get back to her but the night after she told me something about this guy that she feels safe with him just horrible. I didnt sleep and only thing I felt was emptyness inside and pain which I never felt before ( and I did fell some heavy pain for sure) so I told her that I cant stay friends so we better stop contacting eachother. Only thing she did was making fun of me which really hurt.
Later I straight out told this guy thay he can kill me now but he will have to do it with broken knees and elbows and he just bitched out and started to apologise (his friend which knows me now wants to beat me lol).
After that Jessica texted me saying that she does not want any of us to get hurt so I have to stop this knee-breaking. I said "hoooow cute, does not like me so much but cares 😊😊😊" and "beg me more". After that we had argument in which she seemed to be like before but angry.
It has been 4 days since that situation and I cant sleep and eat and do anything more than staying in bed all the time and I dont know what to do.
Jessica is bitchy and hypocritic and not that pretty but she is hypocritic ugly bitch that I think truely love and want to spend whole life with and every day without her is getting more painful and destroys me from inside.
I just seek some advise from you guys on forgetting about her or getting her back. Its long story which I already simplified to not bore you. Thanks just for reading this.

[hazey daisy]

She wants to just be friends....walk away.

[melancholia]

She wants to move on from you and the relationship. She's made that clear, and you need to respect that. Stop contacting her; and especially stop sending her abusive drunk texts. Pull yourself together and move on. You will find someone new, who you can be with. Until then, work on yourself and focus on things that make you happy.

[zasysacz]

Its her who wants to not loose contact and I was not drunk when I said that. I said that when she basically cheated on me what I see now and that makes the breakup easier and wanted by me.