Was my girlfriend's behaviour normal?

[Thisispointless]

So, the girl I am dating convinced me that I should go to a camp with her for trekking. I asked her if she would mind very much if I didn't come and she responded by saying, I quote "yes, I would. I really like you and want to spend more time with you, I have two whole days to be with you and I don't want to lose it"
So I said yes. (btw before we went to the camp she said she doesn't want us to hold hands or do anything that might suggest we're dating because the director of the camp knew her father and she doesn't want him or strangers to know or judge her). Till the train ride she was normal, she was friendly, however upon seeing her guy friends she flipped, started ignoring me, gave me a cold shoulder, didn't try even once to make me comfortable with her friends (she said she wanted me to be friends with her guy friends).

I tried but I could sense I have no space there so I instead kept myself to myself mostly and spent the rest of my time with other campers. There were 39 campers, 37 excluding us, out of these 37 she chose to be just one, the other two she didn't talk much with.

Her friends btw were those people who she met merely 6 times, that's it.

She gave me a long ass speech that we shouldn't hold hands or hug, while she was doing all of it with him, she was taking pictures with them, on one occasion while we were taking group photo, she leaned towards him instead of me, she could have leaned towards no one, she slept next to him on all occasions, spent over 40 hours with him (them) and completely ignored me(she spoke to me less than 4 times); she didn't even act like a friend to me.

And the minute we arrived to city she was all over me like before...she ignored me because she didn't need me there, now that her precious friend whom she has romantic interest is not there she needs me. We had a chat and she outright denied everything and instead started playing mind games, "I am victim, I go there to forget about my troubles, I never ignored you, you ignored me, he's just a friend, he's a very nice guy"

Did she undermine our relationship? Did I overreact (I actually didn't say anything til the trip ended, not just because I didn't want to but also because she never came and spoke to me)?
Are we just incompatible?

She was adamant and didn't concede, I told her we will never work, I tried breaking up three times, she still wants to not leave me.

[bloodtippedrose]

Your girlfriend is walking on you. She didn't want you to hold her hand because she wanted to hide the fact she was in a relationship so she could get attention from other guys. And of course she forced you to come because if her other "friends" weren't there to give her attention then she would have to resort to getting it from you. She is not a victim, she just likes to play the victim, and turn everything around to be your fault. You can either keep dating her and keep being her doormat, or you can break up and not "try to break up" but be stern, be forceful. Lose my number, we are DONE, and don't talk to her again no matter how much she tries to get you back under her wing.

[Thisispointless]

Thank you for your advice. I broke up with her. Clearly, she was only sexually attracted to me and wanted to use me for her selfish desires, and didn't actually like or care about me; I told her I had 104 fever(I did, I still have fever) ergo I don't have strength or desire to fight, and her response was "ohk" that's it, if she had any real feelings for me, she'd be concerned about my health over everything.
She's so thick and self-centered, she wouldn't even realise that she has lost someone valuable for people who don't give a toss about her.
Her last relationship also ended the same way, she kept touch with her ex, talked daily on phone which pissed her boyfriend who then dumped her and married someone else.
She is now in touch with both of those exes, one of whom was going to accompany her to the camp but didn't at the last moment. The married ex still meets her, they go on drives in secrecy, he meets her at her place alone, etc. She has no shame or at least doesn't respect me enough to hide this fact.
Good riddance.

[Thisispointless]

Can people please just respond instead of viewing and ignoring?

[hBetty]

not ignoring..lol..
just that i agree with bloodtippedrose...n i got nothing further to add
& yes u've broken up with her so all u gotta do now is move on and i hope you meet the right girl for you. Good luck

[Thisispointless]

not ignoring..lol..
just that i agree with bloodtippedrose...n i got nothing further to add
& yes u've broken up with her so all u gotta do now is move on and i hope you meet the right girl for you. Good luck

She's still trying to get me, I don't understand a bit of her. Should I maintain friendship?

[melancholia]

Just dump her. Not only was her behavior rude and disrespectful, but she was gaslighting you by turning it around on you, omitting her own responsibility for her actions, and telling you that she felt ignored. You should not have to work this hard to be with someone. Honestly. You hear people say that relationships take work, and I used to believe that, but the best, deepest, and most successful relationships don't require "work". Sure, they require effort, but effort that each person is willing to give, without the expectation of reciprocity. Because you want to be with someone, not because you feel like you need to be.

If I were you, I would end this relationship, and I would be inclined not to carry on a friendship, because friends don't do this kind of thing to their friends. People who care about you will never treat you like you are less than another person, and they will include you and make you feel safe, happy, and secure while you are together.

[breathe123]

Move on & don't remain friends with friends like that who ignore you when around others ( especially other men) who needs enemies.

I read what you said she did after begging you to go was she trying to make one of those other guys jealous and using you to do it, like you know if some guys don't want a girl but if they see another guy interested they will re think it.

It all sounds sketchy what she did. Don't keep her around, you can find & do better. Let her play & use someone else, not you. GL

[bloodtippedrose]

Dude she is stockpiling guys that she doesn't truly care about, just so she can rotate through them and get compliments or sex to temporary feel good. Do not maintain a friendship with her unless you want to use her for strictly emotionless sex, and understand that you're just another guy in her list of booty calls.

[TheEvilJester]

I am very glad to hear you broke up with her. Believe me, I fully understand your confusion. When you are the one in the situation, sometimes your judgment is a little clouded. It wasn't word for word exactly the same, but I had similar experiences with an ex where I used to doubt myself..... and it was only after getting out of the situation that I really began to realize how wrong she was.

For me, I can tell you reading your story, the whole time my thought was "Why the heck are you asking us? OF COURSE what she did was wrong!" But, I understand how sometimes you can't see that when you are the one in the situation. Especially with a manipulative piece of garbage like this. This kind of person always twists things around to try to make everybody else look like the bad guy when it is really them.

You know what you should do? Re-read your story and pretend somebody else wrote it. Pretend your best friend wrote it instead of you. Let's look at the highlights.

- She invites you to something that really doesn't interest you. You respectfully say no thank you, as is well within your rights to do. You two don't have to like all the same things. Why can't she just enjoy her trip by herself and then you two can always do something else together?

- Even so, she asks you to come anyway. So, fine. You being the good guy you are, you go. You tag along with her to something you really didn't want to do because it makes her happy...... but now she's telling you that you can't hold hands or act like a couple because she doesn't want people to be aware you are. Honestly, that right there should have been enough to send you packing. You're not anybody's dirty little secret. It's one thing if she didn't want you two to be going at it like horny teenagers around her friends. That I could certainly understand. But for her to specifically expect you to hide the fact that you two were a couple was a huge red flag.

- As if that weren't bad enough, she doesn't just act as though you two are not boyfriend/girlfriend.... she acts like she barely even knows you exist...... on a trip she basically FORCED you to attend. Think you'd have agreed if she'd been honest? "Hey, dear, would you give up your whole weekend to come with me on a trip you don't want to go to where I'll ignore you the entire time like you don't even exist?" Oh yeah! Sign me up for that. ;-)

- As if all of that weren't already bad enough.... she's hanging all over some other guy like HE'S her boyfriend right in front of you.

- As if that STILL weren't bad enough, she acts as though she did absolutely nothing wrong and even tries to make YOU feel bad for it.

....Yeah. Don't even know why you needed to ask us. That was NOT normal and NOT okay by ANY stretch of the imagination. You did the right thing in breaking up with her. Do NOT take her back. You deserve better. Anybody would deserve better than that.

I would personally speculate that she did this because she didn't want other guys knowing about you. She wanted the freedom to fool around with other guys. I could be wrong, but the honest truth is her reasons really do not matter at all. No matter what weak justification she may think she had for acting that way, it is NOT okay.

[Thisispointless]

I am very glad to hear you broke up with her. Believe me, I fully understand your confusion. When you are the one in the situation, sometimes your judgment is a little clouded. It wasn't word for word exactly the same, but I had similar experiences with an ex where I used to doubt myself..... and it was only after getting out of the situation that I really began to realize how wrong she was.

For me, I can tell you reading your story, the whole time my thought was "Why the heck are you asking us? OF COURSE what she did was wrong!" But, I understand how sometimes you can't see that when you are the one in the situation. Especially with a manipulative piece of garbage like this. This kind of person always twists things around to try to make everybody else look like the bad guy when it is really them.

You know what you should do? Re-read your story and pretend somebody else wrote it. Pretend your best friend wrote it instead of you. Let's look at the highlights.

- She invites you to something that really doesn't interest you. You respectfully say no thank you, as is well within your rights to do. You two don't have to like all the same things. Why can't she just enjoy her trip by herself and then you two can always do something else together?

- Even so, she asks you to come anyway. So, fine. You being the good guy you are, you go. You tag along with her to something you really didn't want to do because it makes her happy...... but now she's telling you that you can't hold hands or act like a couple because she doesn't want people to be aware you are. Honestly, that right there should have been enough to send you packing. You're not anybody's dirty little secret. It's one thing if she didn't want you two to be going at it like horny teenagers around her friends. That I could certainly understand. But for her to specifically expect you to hide the fact that you two were a couple was a huge red flag.

- As if that weren't bad enough, she doesn't just act as though you two are not boyfriend/girlfriend.... she acts like she barely even knows you exist...... on a trip she basically FORCED you to attend. Think you'd have agreed if she'd been honest? "Hey, dear, would you give up your whole weekend to come with me on a trip you don't want to go to where I'll ignore you the entire time like you don't even exist?" Oh yeah! Sign me up for that. ;-)

- As if all of that weren't already bad enough.... she's hanging all over some other guy like HE'S her boyfriend right in front of you.

- As if that STILL weren't bad enough, she acts as though she did absolutely nothing wrong and even tries to make YOU feel bad for it.

....Yeah. Don't even know why you needed to ask us. That was NOT normal and NOT okay by ANY stretch of the imagination. You did the right thing in breaking up with her. Do NOT take her back. You deserve better. Anybody would deserve better than that.

I would personally speculate that she did this because she didn't want other guys knowing about you. She wanted the freedom to fool around with other guys. I could be wrong, but the honest truth is her reasons really do not matter at all. No matter what weak justification she may think she had for acting that way, it is NOT okay.

Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it. This has helped me a lot to realise how worthless she really was. Good riddance.
She said she and her friend used to stalk me when I walked my dog; I told her in my last message to her this, I quote "I should have brought a restraining order against you than dating you"

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! I like it!

I will say, as tempting as it may be to tell her off, though, I'd recommend you just keep it at that. Just move on and leave her in your past. If she tries to drag you into immature petty arguments, just ignore her and take the high ground. She's already wasted enough of your time. No need to allow her to waste any more of it.

Good luck to you.

[Thisispointless]

LOL! I like it!

I will say, as tempting as it may be to tell her off, though, I'd recommend you just keep it at that. Just move on and leave her in your past. If she tries to drag you into immature petty arguments, just ignore her and take the high ground. She's already wasted enough of your time. No need to allow her to waste any more of it.

Good luck to you.

OOPS! I already said it. That restraining order remark was the last thing I said to her...damage done.

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! No, I understood that you meant you had already said that. More so, I was just saying leave it at that. There's no need to escalate it. Just leave her in your past. I mean, if you had asked me BEFORE you said that, I would have suggested not saying it. Better just to "kill her with kindness" so to speak. In other words, no matter how much drama she may try to stir up, you just ignore it and take the higher ground.

I don't blame you one iota for what you said. Who among us hasn't said something hurtful to somebody during a time when their emotions were heightened? You show me the person who can say they've never done that and I'll show you a liar. (HINT! HINT! They're the same person.) I would honestly say you were relatively subdued. I'm sure you could have (and even maybe kind of wanted to) said much worse.

Anyway, best to move on now. Like I said, she wasted enough of your time already. Don't let her waste even one more millisecond by pulling you into any drama. Don't even waste one more millisecond of your own time by dwelling on it. You deserve better. At least you found out sooner rather than later.