What to do

[Jasncat]

Ok long story..lol but I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. And I don't know why but I'm hung up on his past and it bothers me but at the same time I want details. He was with this girl for about a year but she had a boyfriend so they only had sex and talked so basically he was her mistress. But of course he tells me he didn't love her and she was just easy pickings bit I know deep down in my heart he was definitely in love and his friends told me he'd do anything for her l but they were caught and they ended things. Four years pass and I meet him and he doesn't give me great details but I'll bring her up and he'll give me a little more here and there. Tonight I gave him a little more in bed and he asked me if I had ever done it before and I said no being a smart ass I asked him the same question which I asked before and he said no but this time he said yes he has and of course with her. Idk but I'm hurt that he lied and some things id ask the story would change a little.. we got together a week after e searched her on Facebook one last time but before that I mean he'd search for her three times a day! Idk I just feel jealous even though it has been four years since they've talked. But she broke up with her boyfriend and added him right away but he didn't accept. Idk why I feel like this am I just crazy? I am aren't I!

[hazey daisy]

First off, the most intimate details of any relationship he has had is NONE of your business. It's in the past and these things happened before you are meaningless to him now, he has moved on. Second, he wasn't in love he was obsessed with her....there is a difference. You need to get a grip and drop it before he dumps you over your obsession with his past.

Now it's quite normal to get a twinge of jealousy because you are in love. It is instinctive but it will past probably in a few more months as you both start to build a life together....after the honeymoon stage of your relationship passes. The thing is, everyone has a past, everyone has done first things with others...you can't change that. The mature thing to do is to just move forward and forget about it.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with hazey. At least based on the details you have shared, it doesn't sound to me like he exhibits signs of still being hung up on her. Apparently he doesn't talk much about her unless you ask. Hell, she even tried to add him on social media and he did not reciprocate. All in all, without further evidence that might say otherwise, it sounds like he's long since over her.

Believe me, I understand how you are feeling. Jealousy is sometimes natural. Same with doubt/mistrust. You can't help it. Trust me, I know all about doubting a good thing when it comes along. Cripes, with the life I have lived, I find it hard to trust good things/good people when they come along without just assuming it is inevitable it will blow up in my face. So I know this is so much easier said than done.... but try not to give your doubts too much power.

If he truly begins to exhibit signs that he is not over her, then that is certainly a reason for concern. However, if he's merely telling you about his past if/when you ask, that does not automatically mean he's not over his past. You asked, he answered. What would you have him do? Lie to you? In time, assuming he is a good fella, you will have no reason to doubt anymore. You will see he cares for you and you alone. So, please, as best as you can help it, don't sabotage your own happiness.

Please don't misunderstand. I know you are not doing that intentionally. This is coming from somebody who will rarely even allow himself any happiness to even sabotage in the first place because I never seem to be allowed to have any for long anyway. So, I am speaking from experience and from understanding how you feel. He may turn out to be a really good guy, and if he does, you deserve to enjoy that. Or, he very well could turn out to be a jerk, and then he rightfully would deserve to lose you. Just don't be so wary of the jerks in life that you don't even give the good people a chance.

Good luck.