Dealing with mixed signals

[Michigansteeler]

have a female friend who i feel is giving me very confusing signals. When we first started talking she said that she only wanted to be friends. I was ok with that then. However since then it has developed into for me a bunch of confusion. We see each other daily and then spend 4 to 5 hours a night on the phone with each other. She has invited me to family gatherings already. Anyone who sees us together assumes we are a couple based on how we are with each other. I don't want to lose her as a friend so i haven't brought up to her that i want more. I feel like she shows me she does but then says the opposite. Not sure what to do i guess.

[hazey daisy]

Girls get emotionally attached without having romantic feelings....and this is a key point. It looks like interest but it's not. You are her GF or BF without benefits. It will feel like BF/GF experience, BUT it's only on the emotional level, no physical/sexual attraction. That is why you and every other guy that posts on these websites looking for answers. Please read the ladder theory for further explanation.

[TheEvilJester]

As much as I hate not to be able to offer an optimistic view, she's told you she is only interested in being friends, and that is probably unlikely to change. Granted, no two people are exactly alike, but as a general rule of thumb, once women have decided they only like somebody as a friend and nothing more, than generally does not change.

With that said, that doesn't mean it never does/never will. It just means that, unless she's given you solid reason to believe it has changed, it probably has not. As hazey pointed out, women are often times (not all women, but a lot of women) more open to being really close like that even with people who are just friends. So, unless there are pretty clear reasons to believe she is thinking of you as more than a friend, it is probably just that she is a more positive/upbeat kind of person.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't try to ask her out if that is what you want. If you do, though, just do so with the assumption that it is probably a long-shot. I think there are a few questions you need to ask yourself to decide what should be your next course of action. For one, do you want to be with her as more than friends enough that it is worth risking the possibility of losing her altogether (even as a friend) if you try and it does not go well? If it is worth that risk to you, then it may be worth giving it one last try.

Another question to ask yourself is can you live with being just her friend? If not, then frankly you might as well give it one last shot to ask her out. Keep in mind, when I say you can live with being just her friend, this means completely letting go of the possibility of anything more with her, and allowing yourself to be open to finding love elsewhere. Bottom line, if still being around her as a friend just causes you to continue to want more and to (intentionally or unintentionally) put your life on hold not remaining open to any other women, then it would be your best bet not to remain friends. That isn't to say you have to be rude, or tell her off or anything. You can remain FRIENDLY, but in that case it is likely best not to remain such close friends. Best not to be in contact/together so much.

If you honestly do think you could live with being just her friend, then really the decision is sort of up to you. If you don't really think anything has changed and she probably still only thinks of you as a friend, then just live with being her friend. You never know what could happen. In time, maybe she will change her mind. You just shouldn't wait around putting your life on hold for something that may never happen.

On the other hand, if you feel like you could live with being just her friend.... but you have honest, solid reasons to believe maybe she has changed her mind, then maybe it is worth trying again. As I said, though, just don't do so unless you understand that there is the chance it could hinder the friendship. So, it has to be worth the risk to you for the potential reward.

It's not an easy decision you have ahead of you, so I wish you the best of luck. Whatever you do decide, I hope it goes well.

[hazey daisy]

I suggest you cut back on hanging out with her every chance you get and focus on other girls who are available. That is where your energy is best spent doing.