What should i do? Need help

[Purify]

Hello!

So listen to the situation:
She was married 6 years, he was a bad husband, but she still insisted with him despite it was a chaos... crying every week... she has two children but last month they divorced. She is 2 years older than me, we are in university, im 21 years old. When we met i didnt know she had a crush on me and so the second year of school our relationship went further... we fell in love etc.. We fell hopelessly in love, we texted a lot when she was still with him, but when she went apart to a new apartment from him away then the texting stopped a bit, but i know it because she has to do everything alone now.
I helped her move to a new apartment,
i help her with her kids, so does our other school (female) friend, which lives with her now to help her with the children.
Yes we are in love and we had sex etc.. she also found out her ex husband cheated on her for 3 years...
anyway you can now look at the situation.

She is my first girlfriend and i dont have a lot of experience

I love her a lot, so does she, but she doesnt text like she used to, when i bring her flowers she says that she doesnt deserve them... when i try to be romantic, i try to grab her from behind and hug her, but she doesnt like that, because she is busy with cooking or something.. then i cant do anything to be romantic cuz she is always busy... and she doesnt like that, when i do this, when she is over with other stuff, we play board games and then we go to sleep and she wants to cuddle... I was a bit horny... i started gently tickle/ caress (dunno the term) all over her body and caress her face with my hand etc.. .. i started caressing her legs.. and back.. and i said to her i love you, she felt asleep but i was naughty xD and i started rubbing her down there... and she grabbed my penis during sleep and wanted to put it in but i said a bit louder nononon, should i bring a condom?, and she woke up and was like what happened (pretending to sleep)? and i lied, i said i dunno i was asleep and u grabbed my penis.. and she said she isnt a whore that randomly puts a penis in her vagina during the sleep.. she asked if i was touching her.. i was embarrased/awkward i mean i didnt know what to say if its right to say yes or wrong to say yes.... so i lied.... then she said that this can be also called as rape because i wanted to put it in her without her consent or knowing, during sleep... but i didnt want that i stopped and if she wanted to that i put the condom on we could go forward but if not then not, sleep forward... both of us. anyway she said she doesnt know how to react correctly because our relationship went too far already, because she doesnt want to lose me as a best friend if something happens in a relationship. After this we talked a lot during night how i messed up. Now she is mad at me... when i say over messenger i love you, she doesnt reply, cuz she only says that when she feels it... also sex before.. you had to be extremely romantic to have sex with her, but it isnt all about sex. its the way we talk... and behave.. like she only shows me affection when she lays on bed and wants to cuddle... the whole day when i try to be affectionate, that angers her cuz she is busy and she says she has a constant feeling that she pushes me away, cuz she is busy.
well i try to be whole time as romantic as possible, doing lots of stuff but she doesnt realise or something... its more like a onesided romantic... i know she just divorced from a bad relationship, and some people will tell me to give her time, but i dont know how i should behave, because i want her as in a relationship, to hug her, kiss her, but she says we must hide this from our schoolfriends and that some time ust pass after the divorce, so she wont be in a new relationship one month later....
its like in a month we make one step further as in a relationship and the end of the month two steps back, because she says she doesnt wanna lose me as a best friend if a relationship goes bad...she says she thinks its going too fast etc... :/ i just want to kiss her and show my love for her but cant find the right time or whatever.. also with that thing i screwed up
i help her with everything literally, to show her how i am... cleaning her apartment when she is busy with work... helping her with work, helping her with kids, helping her basicly everything... buying grocery, when i see something is missing which she likes in the fridge... doing random surprises like buying her favorite chocolate.. make an appointment for a massage for her, which i pay... then appointment for nails... then she was buying one blood pressure drink from some company which stopped making it and now she said she wont be able to drink it anymore.. and i searched so long so i could find it and order it... then when she was really sick i drove her to hospital, stayed there with her as support... watching her 2 hours while she was sleeping.. beside her.. then when she had a fight with her husband... she drove away somewhere and she called me and heard her crying... she didnt even tel me where she is but i felt in my heart where she is and 3 times this happened and 3 times i found her, which she didnt tell me the location... i feel like we are connected.. but it feels awkward, weird, cuz for example we were at spa and i splashed her with water and she was angry cuz i splashed her directly into her ear, where water couldnt go out... that i splash wrong... then we went on the water slide, water splashed directly into her ear again and said sorry before that i was yelling on you etc.. those situations...


sorry for the long post im a bit stressed in the relationship.. need some advice/talk etc... pls if u want to hear more just type.. lets talk

thank you!

[hazey daisy]

Helping her with everything is NOT what you do. She is an adult, she needs to stand on her own two feet. When you do everything for her, she will take advantage of you, and use you like a doormat.

She is still in the process of a divorce, removing herself from her marriage emotionally, and is healing from the new of his infidelity. For a first relationship, she shouldn't be the one to have one with because she has enormous baggage. Baggage like this is too much for a rookie like you to handle and it is already an unpleasant experience with confusion and hurt. You cannot fix this situation. You must walk away and find a more healthier relationship with a emotionally stable GF.