How to make things right with her | LONG POST

[GFLogan]

Hello dear forumers, this is my first time posting about love problems, since I can't ask anyone. I'm 21, and she is too, be gentle

So here's the story. 1 year ago, so on 14th february 2015.(yes, Valentine's day) I went on a date with the girl I fell in love with(she goes on same college as me). Everything went great. We kissed on the end of the date. I go to the gym and my physique is very good, and I had few bumps with girls(I didn't **** or kiss or went to date with any one of them). I wasn't(and still) ain't the favourite person within females on my college). After the date, we were chatting for straight 5 hours. So here goes the twist. She hears some shit about me beeing womaniser and women trophy collector from some stupid ass shit friend that goes to athletics with her, she dumps me and don't even give me chance to explain myself to her, blocks me on facebook. I told this story to one of my friends(who apparently wasn't) and he rumored it in her whole group, so everyone instantly knew I went on coffe with her. I turned out to be a huge asshole, and I fell very bad about it. Since then, everytime we see each other, she looks me deep in the eyes, doesn't say anything and just leaves. From multiple sources, I knew she isn't a bitch. She is a great lady. She just judged me based on things other people told her. Other people that also don't know me. I wanna make things right with her at least, on the meaning that I can turn new page of my life, because every time she looks at me I freeze. And I think she freezes, or she thinks I'm crazy. I can't get her number, or her e-mail, she blocked me on facebook. And I know she finds me attractive(physically) and has inner doubts about the way she dumped me and how she treats me. But I think she is just shy. I don't want to harm her privacy of reputation on college again, and I need some advice what to do. How to approach her. What to say. I've gone through enough circles of spinning this love shit with her in my mind and let it out, but everytime I see her and she looks and me, I get stuck on this shit. I instantly get reminded of that magical day, and I think she does. What do I do??? Help!

[jmon07]

Hey man, sorry to hear about your troubles.

You really only have one real way of ever talking to this women again and its not a guarantee but it will make you feel much better in the end. The next time you see her "balls up" (not in a mean way it takes a lot of courage) and talk to this women. But be prepared to apologize and think about what you need to say. This women thinks your a "womaniser / trophy collector" and who knows you could of been for all that really matters in this situation. You feel a certain way about this women and you need to express that to her in a way that does not make you seem desperate, needy... or every other trait women hate. I cant tell you what to say but something along the lines of...

" im sorry for what happened, what you heard from other people is not true" " Those were not my intentions with you and i did not mean to harm you in any way " "And i feel this way about you and that way if you have feelings for her "

And then the ball is in her court, so just back off and give her time to let everything set in her mind. As a human you have done your deed to make up for what happened and try to repair what has happened here. You don't need to feel bad about it after you do this, You won't have that feeling you do when you see her trust me. And one of two things will happen, This women will continue to judge you based on information through the grape vine or she will understand your apology find out who you are on her own. To be honest if she continues to judge you based on grape vine info then i wouldn't even bother wasting your time on her man. And all of this i know from just going through something similar to this myself, Tell them how you feel and give all the space in the world it will either work or not work for a reason.

Goodluck man

[TheEvilJester]

I agree with jmon for the most part, but only disagree on one minor aspect. Maybe it is just me, but I don't necessarily think you should apologize AT ALL. Unless I misunderstand, you've done NOTHING wrong. In fact, she is the one who wronged YOU. She heard some stupid bul$h*t rumor and rather than giving you the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was just BS, she took it at face value and ditched you because of it.

Takes this next passage with a grain of salt, as it may be colored too much from my own personal experiences. So, maybe it does not apply as much to you, however....

I've got to be perfectly honest with you.... if I were you, she would INSTANTLY be nothing more than the most disgusting kind of scum ever on the face of the Earth, and I'd want nothing to do with her. I do NOT take that kind of betrayal lightly, so she would no longer be welcome to have ANY part in my life. If I were you, I'd talk to her, but it would NOT be a friendly discussion. I wouldn't fly off the handle. I'd remain calm and collected, but "friendly" would sure as HELL not be the way you would describe it. I'd basically tell her that a good person would have given me the benefit of the doubt and talked to me. That a good person would have known me at least enough to know that MAYBE those rumors were complete and utter crap, and would have given me the chance to prove that. I would have made it clear that in my eyes, she's not a good person at all, because instead she chose to judge me based on an immature rumor probably spread by a bunch of immature children walking around in adult bodies. I would have made it clear that she was to stay away from me, and I'd have left without even giving a damn to hear a word she had to say.

That's me, though. I've let WAY too many of the wrong people in my life in the past to tolerate that kind of crap anymore. Maybe your experiences in life have not quite been the same. It sounds like you do still wish to continue your relationship with this woman. So, then my advice would pretty much mirror jmon's advice. Just ask her to give you a chance to talk to her and explain. Explain to her that those rumors about you are NOT true, and that you want her to give you the chance to prove that. Tell her you certainly understand the rumors worrying her, but that you at least want the opportunity to show her that the rumors were just rumors and that you ARE worthy of her trust.

In the end, if she's any kind of a good person (which I personally doubt already) she'd understand and give you that chance. Maybe she'll still be a little wary, and I could understand that. But, if those rumors are completely untrue, then obviously you will prove to her in time that she has no reason not to trust you.

If she refuses to even give you that chance, then she's honestly not a good person and never deserved you anyway. I know that's hard to see now, but if she is going to believe some crappy rumor instead of giving you the chance to prove to her whether or not it is wrong, then you deserve better anyway.

In time you WILL find somebody who loves and trusts you. Maybe that will be her. If not, though, then I hope you find a gal very soon who will make you realize why you deserved so much better. Good luck!

[GFLogan]

Thank you both of you, for taking your time and giving me sincere advice.

Circles that I was talking about when I see her on college are next: I see her. I ignore her. She tries to ignore me, and then looks at me profoundly. I have impression that she's not provocating me or something cruel like that. In next phase, I fall so deeply in my eyes, because I let myself be a mental slave of something that happened year ago. And then I rip her out of my head in a few days. I got some action meanwhile, went on few dates, had a few **** buddies, but she felt like the only real thing. I know there's a lot fish in the sea, but I gotta be honest with myself and draw the bottom line.

The bottom line is: everyone judges me based on my good physical appearance. I asked few girls on college out, word spread out, and there we go. At first, I couldn't blame her, she has to protect herself.

And yes, I forgot to mention she has a boyfriend almost 1 year... I know from scratches of what I saw why she is with him. He is recessive beta male who is safer option then someone like me. Or at least what she thinks I am. And when she's with him, she sometimes knows to stare at me, not like she told him something, she's got that look like there's so much left untold. But there's this social barrier in whole situation, now that almost everyone from her group(and yes, her boyfriend is from her group) knows we went on a date.

I ****ed up. Few days after everything happened, I let her ignore me, and didn't do anything because I was too scared what others may think. And I think it's too late now. Even if she regrets everything, it's ****ing too late. Because I was insecure son of a bitch, and now I will have to live with that on my soul for the rest of the college, and every time I will see her, I won't be able to at least loosen the situation up. I let her go. I was loudmouth in front of people who I thought that were my friends, and they betrayed me.

[DatingAlpha]

Who cares about college, it's not a lifetime thing. Once you're out, your world will expand that the people you knew in college will be a drop in the bucket. I agree with TheEvilJester, she wronged you and now you developed your obsession over her.

That was in the past and the past NO longer exist.

Tell yourself ONLY NOW exist. Make yourself better today than yesterday. Keep learning and improving your skills with girls.

[TheEvilJester]

Apologies, as I think I missed where you mentioned this all happened a year ago. I'm also not sure if I missed it before or if you just didn't mention it, but if she already has another boyfriend, then that is all the more reason why it is not right at this time to pursue anything with her.

Hindsight is always 20/20. So, I know this comes a little too late.... however, you really should not have let a year (more, actually) go by letting her just believe these bull crap rumors about you. Again, to be perfectly honest with you... the SECOND she chose to just accept them as truth without even giving you the chance to prove otherwise.... I think she proved she was not worthy of you. However, before so much time had passed, and before she got another boyfriend, had you wanted to still pursue her, you could have talked to her. At that time, as I said before, you could have just explained to her the rumors are completely untrue and asked that she give you a chance to prove that.

As it is, too much time has passed now. At this point you really should just move on. However, you are taking the COMPLETE wrong attitude in this. I'm not saying that to blame you. I absolutely understand how you feel. ....However, you are blaming yourself like you did something wrong. Let me say this for you again...

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Unless there are important details you didn't mention, you were the victim of BS rumors about you that were 100% untrue. Unless there are important details you didn't mention, with NO reason to believe these rumors, she chose to believe them anyway and gave you NO chance to talk to her or in any way show her that maybe they were just completely BS after all. Instead, she just chose to believe them true and left you because of it.

SHE wronged YOU. Not the other way around. She doesn't deserve you. You deserve much better. Believe me, I understand how you feel, but in time you WILL meet somebody else.... somebody better. You will meet somebody who is a mature adult, not an overgrown child like her. You will meet somebody who will have lived long enough (you know, more than two years) to know that sometimes people can be petty and make up false rumors. IF these rumors continue to follow you around, they will know that they should give YOU the opportunity to prove whether or not they are true.... rather than to just assume they are true and treat you as if they are.

You will meet somebody who will make you wonder why you ever even give a millisecond of thought to this gal after what she did to you. I sincerely hope that day comes very soon. Heck, even if for no other reason than the fact that you were wronged and yet are blaming yourself, and you deserve to see that you were not to blame so you can stop beating yourself up about a situation where you were the ONLY person who did nothing wrong. Good luck to you.