Originally Posted by
TheEvilJester
You know, I think part of your strategy should just be to be completely honest with him. From what you are saying, it sounds like the fact of the matter is that you don't expect that he should just pay for everything..... BUT you can't really afford to keep up this same pace. I may just be old fashioned.... Well, I DEFINITELY am very old fashioned. LOL! So, let me rephrase that...
In this particular situation, I may just be old fashioned, but I tend to lean towards thinking the guy should be doing most/all of the paying early on in a relationship. At some point there should be a balancing out/equality to that. In other words, if/when a couple has moved on and is more serious, it should cease to be expected that the guy always has to pay.... But I think early on in dating, it is just the gentlemanly thing to do. Mind you, there are circumstances where maybe that is different. For example, if the guy doesn't really make very much money right now, it may be okay for the gal to pay, or for the couple to split things evenly, or even just to learn to go out on dates more inexpensively. I'm just saying, in general, it feels to me personally like the right thing to do.
Maybe his financial situation is such that he doesn't have a lot of extra green, though. In other words, maybe he couldn't really afford to be footing the whole bill each time. I don't know. On the other hand, I could also understand him not wanting to as he maybe doesn't yet know you well enough to feel comfortable doing that.
Anyway, my point being I would just say you be honest with him. Let him know that you enjoy seeing him. That you do want/intend to pay your way whenever you can, but that you just can't afford to spend so much money so frequently. If he's a reasonable guy, he'll understand. He'll either be willing to take on a little more of the expenses for your visits to each other, or if he can't necessarily afford that either, maybe you two will just have to learn a balance for how often you are able to visit each other.
I think I'd personally not advise you actually just outright asking him to take on more of the bill. If he does not yet know you well enough, this could risk giving him a negative impression of you that I do not get the sense would be true at all. So, in other words, my advice would basically just be to frame it as though you do WANT to see him as often as you have.... but you just can't afford to do so that often. In an ideal situation, he'll offer to foot more of the bill, but even if he does not/cannot, that doesn't automatically mean it is a bad thing. It MAY, but it may just be that he can't or isn't comfortable spending much more than he already does at least until you two are more serious. As long as he is willing to work with you in some way (whether that is in him handling more of the financial responsibility, or in you two learning how to balance out not seeing each other as often as you'd like, but still keeping in touch often enough) then it is worth at least giving it a chance.
Good luck to you. I hope it works out well for you. Long distance can be really hard, and the financial strains are just one part of why. I hope you two are able to find the right balance.