Innocent flirting or crossing the line?

[as400beast]

ALL feedback welcome:

I need everyones opinion on wether my girlfriend is innocently flirting or is it crossing the line by I text convo i saw on her phone?

they were staying away for a training camp. The conversation happened the weekend I moved in with her! Weve being going out a year and a half. She had a failed marriage approx 10 years and ago and a long term relationship brake down approx 3 years ago. he is married with 2 kids.

Will refer to my girlfirend as gf and my girlfriends colleague as mc:

mc: whats with giving jane a neck rub??
gf: she asked me, can you say no to a director?
mc: yes tell her to shove it. Never given me a rub.
gf: just like you did when she asked you to get the drinks in? youve never asked (for a rub)
mc: room 25, bring a pizza
gf: ha ha, i havent got a pizza and its after hours now, your request doesnt count
mc: whatever
gf: throwing your toys out cause you cant get what you want
mc: no toys here
gf: then im defo not popping over
mc: dont need them
gf: everything is more fun with toys!
mc: not doing it right
gf: thats a matter of opinion
mc:are you coming to me or am i coming to you
gf: nope im going to be good and go to sleep!

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest with you, it is hard to tell based on just one exchange. On the surface, my gut reaction is that I can understand why this bothers you.... BUT I don't think it is indication that she is flirting/cheating. It may just be innocent joking between two friends/colleagues. I do agree with you that it seems a little more flirty than I would personally like my girlfriend (not that I HAVE one) acting with another guy, but it is hard to really judge out of context like that.

If it bothers you enough, maybe talk to her about it, but don't do so while your feelings are still heightened. You want to approach it almost as though you are embarrassed/feel bad that it even bothers you, but it does. In other words, approach it as though you assume she is being 100% innocent... but that you can't help that it bothers you. If you come to her in a heightened state of emotions, you may come across as accusatory when it is entirely possible she may not have done/intended to do anything to upset you.

On the other hand, if it doesn't bother you and you think it was just innocent, then simply don't think any further into it. Maybe still keep an eye out to make sure it isn't just a sign of anything else, but if it doesn't really bother you then just don't let it escalate in your own mind.

[mikeopen40]

Bro that shit is dodgy. If she really was faithful to you she either
1. wouldn't have responded when he started to mention "Room 25..."
2. Told him in one way or another to go shove it and mention she is sleeping with you (the boyfriend of 1 and 1/2 years)

By the fact that she didn't mention you in the convo seems to be a little concerning to me as most woman who are loyal will mention their boyfriends to get a guy off their back. Or even if they don't have boyfriends they would use that approach if they are not interested. which she shouldn't be.

This is what i would do:
I would talk to her and be like: "I know everything, please dont lie to me and tell me the truth"
If she denies it keep stringing her along
and eventually bring up this MC guy.
until she says something like "It was a joke or something"
But play along like you know until she gives you a suitable and a fitting answer.
Make sure when she answer have her full attention and try not to speak too much, let her talk

[as400beast]

Thanks for the responses. It's a massive head f&@k!!

[TheEvilJester]

I have to respectfully disagree. While I definitely understand how what she did/said could maybe upset him, I still don't think that one single exchange was enough to assume she is up to something. I mean, if when he said "I'm in room 25" her response was "Great. I'll be there in 5 minutes completely naked' ... Yeah. Then I'd say you have cause for concern.

As it is, maybe it is just me, but I don't think the exchange described above was enough to fly off the handle and accuse her of wrongdoing. Yes, I do feel like it maybe tows the line a little bit. I could understand as400beast being uncomfortable with that. Hell, I think I'd feel a little iffy if I had a girlfriend and she was chatting like that with some guy.

But, again, based just on what we saw above, it very well could have just been innocent teasing between two friends/co-workers. That sort of thing may not personally be my sense of humor, but some people do joke around like that. So, again, I think confronting her as though you've caught her in some illicit affair would be a very bad idea. You'd make yourself look like a knuckle-dragging meat head who thinks he owns her. You honestly DO have every right to feel uncomfortable about their exchange if you personally just feel it was inappropriate since she is in a relationship with you. However, if you act like that and accuse her of wrongdoing, you only succeed in turning yourself into the bad guy when the reality is there probably need be no "bad guy" in this situation.

Chances are, she probably IS just joking around with the guy and it would probably never escalate anything beyond the exchange you saw. Bottom line, though, if she IS a floozy who goes around hitting on other guys, and/or even taking things further than just flirting, even though she is in a relationship, that's the sort of thing you will eventually find out anyway. So, again, maybe keep a cautious eye out in case this is just the tip of the ice berg, but I wouldn't go on the assumption that it is anything more than just innocent joking unless you really have reason to believe otherwise.

[as400beast]

Thanks for the responses, really helping. Im pretty confident she has never cheated on me however my problem is wether im happy with this kind of flirting going on with other men...........

[as400beast]

Anyone else have any thoughts on this situation? negative or positive! I can take it!

[perfectlyleo]

As a female, I honestly think that the guy seems to be coming on too strong, but your gf should've cut the conversation short when he started mentioning his room information. I think that if her intentions were well, she would've reminded him that she has a gf, not mention that it's after hours anyway. I suggest keeping a close eye on the two, because 9/10 times when your gut tells you something, you need to trust it. I've been in a situation like that where I've caught my ex bf exchanging texts with a coworker that could come off as innocent, but they actually had a thing for each other.

[as400beast]

As a female, I honestly think that the guy seems to be coming on too strong, but your gf should've cut the conversation short when he started mentioning his room information. I think that if her intentions were well, she would've reminded him that she has a gf, not mention that it's after hours anyway. I suggest keeping a close eye on the two, because 9/10 times when your gut tells you something, you need to trust it. I've been in a situation like that where I've caught my ex bf exchanging texts with a coworker that could come off as innocent, but they actually had a thing for each other.

Thanks perfectlyleo, still thinking things over in my mind, the texts could have been alot worse and could have been better so its a difficult one.

[billfever]

They are definitely flirting. Can't say if she actually wants to act on it but I can understand why you are upset. I would have problems with this. I was in a similar situation and it bothered me. I approached my ex about it and she got very defensive. talk to your girlfriend. Don't get angry with her but let her know it bothers you. This guy is obviously after her.

[TheEvilJester]

I will say this, I definitely agree about one thing.... I definitely think THIS GUY crossed the line. His comment was inappropriate if he knew she was already in a relationship. Now, it's possible he could just be one of those guys who jokes like that and doesn't get that it is inappropriate..... but I'd definitely lean towards agreeing with the others that he is probably interested in her.

The thing is, from their exchange that you shared above, I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that she is interested as well, or that she even encourages the attention. Sure, she could have been a little more up front and politely told him to knock it the heck off. She didn't do that. However, she didn't necessarily encourage his attention either. Maybe she is just hoping to politely ignore him and that the inappropriate comments will cease when he sees they get him nowhere. She could just be trying to solve the problem in a less confrontational way.

Again, you still have a right to be uncomfortable with it. I'm just saying, don't necessarily jump immediately to the conclusion that she's a serial flirter. If she proves to be in time, then that is different, but I just wouldn't necessarily jump so quickly to that conclusion with so little evidence. Good luck to you.