Confused... Am i in the wrong?

[razanem]

Hey guys, and girls. So basically heres the story. I met this girl last year and we got together in july last year, its a long distance relationship. It was going good until she says shes struggling in the relationship. This was only a month or 2 into the relationship. She has no confidence and self belief. She assumes shes an awful gf because im her first partner. Ive told her this isnt true and how amazing she is. And sex is another issue. Well not an issue as such but i dont understand her point of view on it. She says shes ready to have sex, yet cant talk about it? Thats a bit backwards in my eyes, but thats a minor issue because were too young anyway (were both 16 going on 17).But anyway she broke up with me once and said she isnt ready to be in a full on relationship so i said id wait for her. Then we got back together and before christmas the same thing happened. She broke up with me and i said id wait for her to be ready. That sounds so stupid on paper but i love her so much and it makes sense in my head because i promised id stay with her no matter what.

Anyways, here is my issue. We had an argument a few hours ago. I said it was unfair that she kept breaking up with me and stringing me along. She knows ill do anything to be with her but i said she needs to make up her mind. And also, she wants to volunteer in another country, kenya or india or something and im completely against the idea. When i asked her what she would choose if she had to choose between me and volunteering, she picked volunteering!? Like really? You suposedly love me. Why do that if you do? So we argued about it earlier and she says what i aiid was unfair. What do you guys think? Im literally so lost at the minute. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but its looking increasingly unlikely. We argue a lot these days as well :/
Anyone ive asked for advice says to leave her and move on because she isnt worth it but i want to hear what you guys think
If you need any more info ill provide it.

And thank you so much for any help in advance

[smackie9]

Well IMO she isn't going to volunteer anywhere....she is testing you. Basically she is forcing the issue that this long distance isn't working and wants more commitment out of you....you need to move to be with her...if not, it's over....this has dragged on long enough.

[razanem]

Hiya, and thanks so much for the reply. She has always said shes wanted to volunteer her whole life, but as you say it could just be a test. I honestly didnt think of looking at it as a test. And when you say more commitment from me, any ideas as to what i can do? Im always the one going to her as often as possible. And im only 16 so i cant move house to be close to her, ive done everythinf i possibly can imo. But you know, your smarter than me so you'll have some idea for what i can do to salvage the relationship, but moving to her is out of the question.i said as soon as i could, id move closer to her.

And thank you so much again

[Aparna]

Hey
Iv been through smthn like that too. My boyfriend had broken up with me twice saying he felt 'suffocated '. He kept going n coming back. But i loved him so much i just kept allowing him to come back till i stopped the 3rd time.

Who was the one who fell in love first? Who initiated the relationship, if u dont mind me asking?

Sometimes when (for instance) a Sam starts liking a Sally, Sally naturally enjoys the attention n love that she gets. she gets a kind of an excitement when she's around him n wants to spend time with Sam. If she mistakes this for love (thats ehat usually happens) they start dating. But actually, she only likes Sam because he likes her, n she isnt likely to continue liking him if he stops liking her.

Now a few weeks or months down the road her excitement dies off n she suddenly realises her mistake. She realises that she doesn't like sam in the crazy way that he likes her. Her priorities are different. But she is already too deep into the relationship now and is completely confused.

Ur case seemed to be smthn like this, but thats just what i feel. Think about it... Talk to her. Cus honestly even if u love her to pluto and back, a relationship needs equal feelings from both sides. I would suggest u break up. It's the best for both of u. Free her from feeling suffocated and guilty n confused. N you certainly deserve smone who will love u just as much as u wud love her.
Good luck.

[razanem]

Hiya! And thx so much for the reply! I rly like what you said about the sam and Sally and i fear it might be like that at the minute. She said she still loves me the same as before, if not more and shes asked me to give it another go. I said i have no idea because of whats happened and whats been said in the past. What should i do? Try it one final time? I really want to. And im tempted to say yes and try again but im not 100%. Also, i was the one who started the relationship. But she says she had feelings fo me long before that

[Aparna]

See what i said was based on my experiences. It might not eV en be true for but well thats just what i feel.

Honestly i think u cud try one last time u know... I mean its a great thing both of you are willing to work on it. It might work out or might not but atleast u wont regret not trying enough
But this time i suggest u have a good discussion with her about the past n analyse what went wrong. Ask her what triggered her desire to leave n what exactly she expects of u, so u both can prevent any such problems this time. But remember this time, don't end up simply dragging the relationship, cus beleieve me that's ugly. If things dont go well once again u both shud be mature enough to accept the reality.
All the very best to you both!

[razanem]

Helloooo again, just letting you know that we have decided to give it another go we had a long clear-the-air talk and everything's okay as far as i know. So were just going to take it slow and see what happens. Thank you so much for all of your help, its been invaluable

[Aparna]

Niiccce!!
You're welcome