Cont. :$

[PrincessKiara]

I still don’t know why I said no. I could perfectly well have said yes, and God knows I wanted to stay with him! I had parental permission and could stay for a while yet. But it was as if some outside force took hold of my voice and will. I told him I had to go. He asked me several times, insisting that I’d get wet in the rain outside and he wanted me to stay with him. I stubbornly held to my stupid resolution, bade him goodbye and left. That was over a month ago, but I still feel awful about it. If he asked me now, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

An eleven-year-old friend of mine fell in love with him and, her father being a very violent person, we were both afraid and broke off contact with her afterwards. He hadn’t noticed that she liked him, not even when he posted a shirtless photo on WhatsApp and she began to compliment his eyes and his singing voice, to seek me out more than ever as a means of contacting him and to beg me to take him to her house; and sadly I didn’t notice either until my mother noticed and my dad warned us both of what was happening. Beren was so frightened that he began to pack to go back to his hometown, fearing he would be unable to continue sending his uncle money to support his brother; but I helped him to calm down, though (much to my surprise, as I’d been quite sure I didn’t care for him other than as a friend) his pronouncement had put me on the verge of hysteria myself. In a desperate attempt to help him, I gave him the number of my old job, which although not a very safe job (I’d lasted only a few days before being bitten by a pit bull while promoting the Internet service) would provide him at least with the means to feed himself and his brother without going back to the city he’d left in the first place because of the lack of work and because he’d lost the fish store he once owned. Plus, my boss had been very kind and understanding to me, and I knew Beren was an excellent worker; I thought he’d be kind to him as well. Big mistake!

Beren took the job. He was loyal to his boss despite his not wanting to pay him and forcing him to work even during his off hours, taking advantage of his sales skills. I urged him to find something better, but at first he resisted, saying he’d work very hard and rise in position, and that he wouldn’t shame me for recommending him. I told him I didn’t care how I looked before my old boss, but that I was worried for him, especially as he’s not strong and very distracted, and doesn’t fight back if attacked. He’s already been assaulted before, and I told him in no uncertain terms that I was worried for him. I helped him write his CV, as he’d never made one before, and I recommended him at the place where I work; and my father also recommended him at a car rental company, where he might have done very well indeed. He got the job, then went to his hometown the day after the interview to see his sick brother.

That was when something strange began to happen. He left without even telling me until he was on the bus, and he didn’t tell me when he would be back; I got that information from my father. The day after he arrived we talked still, and he told me he wanted to stay. I told him he should look after himself and that I didn’t think it was a good idea, but that it was of course his decision. He told me he wanted to stay but wouldn’t. Then he stopped coming online at all. Calls went straight to voicemail, and I was frantic for him after a week of no contact. I thought something terrible had happened for sure, more so after he didn’t appear on his birthday, when I’d invited him and planned a surprise party for him.

One week later he messaged me from a friend’s phone, without saying who he was. I knew him at once, though, because who else would say to me, “Hello, my beautiful Tinúviel, how is my best friend today?”

I was so relieved that I cried and laughed over my phone at the same time as I replied to him, tumbling over my own letters as I asked him where he’d been, why no contact, etc. He apologized and reiterated that he cared about me, told me he’d just come back for me, to say goodbye before leaving. I didn’t try to persuade him, but I felt lucky that he couldn’t hear me sobbing over my phone like a baby. I asked him if I’d see him again, and he said yes and asked me what day I had off from work (because, according to him, it wouldn’t have been correct for him to ask me at what time I was free. His morality mystifies me sometimes…and that’s even though I myself am of rather strict morals in that regard, at least in comparison to most other people of my age). I told him, and he said he’d come then; he even reiterated his decision to come see me to my mom.

Yesterday was the appointed day, and I waited for him all day long, to no avail. I’m afraid something may have happened to him. My grandma says that he probably wants to back off from me because he thinks I will never love him as more than a friend… and though I didn’t mean for it to happen… I do! I plan to give him the present I’ve been keeping for him, a small fish tank with substrate, a resin decoration and a filter, and to tell him of my feelings for him, if and when I do see him.
I’m not really afraid that he doesn’t like me. The way I see it, he’s given me signals enough. But I don’t want him to think that I’ve been his friend only because I like him. My motives were pure; I wanted to help him, and at first I thought of him as no more than a friend. He knew that I had a crush on someone else, and so he never told me anything openly, though he was always there for me and would do almost anything I asked (though I made it a point never to ask anything of him if I could help it; I like to be independent). But his sweet caring has won my heart, and though I’d normally not speak until he spoke first, if I don’t do it now I may not get another chance. And I know I’ll never find anyone else like him—so like to me, and yet so different.

And there’s also the matter of the right words. I would have written him a letter, but somehow I think it would be better to tell him straight out, even if I die of nervousness, lol. But as I’m sure you can tell from my long wall of text here, I have a very dramatic, over-romantic style, and although he is quite similar to me in this respect I’m sure he’ll run for the hills if I go all Shakespeare on him! I don’t know what to say, or how to say it; and I need to clear up the reason for his lack of contact. I don’t know whether to tell him before, or after clearing everything up. I don’t know whether I should lead up to it, or just blurt it out, plain as plain, “I love you”. Please help! Any advice?

Thank you in advance for any counsel you may offer! I have literally zero experience with men, and I really don’t want to lose Beren. What I feel for him I’ve never felt for anyone else before; it’s not physical attraction, it’s something else entirely…a deep admiration for his strength in the midst of his troubles and his meek and mild personality, his capacity for forgiveness and for helping others when he himself has nothing, his love of all living things…And the way he speaks to and looks at me…it’s not like anyone else. I feel like he cares…






The continuation of my great wall of text :$ it won't let me even make new posts to that same thread.

[smackie9]

Your thread are ridiculously too long. Straight and to the point. We don't care where he works, or what you mom is like.

[lightstar]

ya I am sorry I am completely lost and confused reading all that. Can you just tell us your ages, how long you were together, when things went wrong and why.. and what is happening now?

[benfletcher82]

I'm in agreement with the others. We aren't getting the details out of the post...

[PrincessKiara]

Yeah, I realized that too late so made another thread. I apologize, I was really flustered when I wrote this. My mother keeps hammering into my head that he obviously doesn't care, but I beg to differ. It's just these two or so weeks he's been weird, and that's got me crazy.

I do apologize...

[pcmaster]

Hi Kiara ! So you are back. See you made a new account. What happened to your crush - the singer? LOL just kidding. Nice to see you back. I can just suggest dont stress about things cause everything will be forgiven and forgotten. Seems like a big deal now but later on it wont matter. First relationships are like learning to walk. You fall then get back on your feet and learn how to do it better.

[PrincessKiara]

Hahaha, lol. Nice to see you again, pcmaster!

Nothing happened except he shut down his official Web site and got himself a...weird-looking girlfriend. xD I still drool over his videos and know all his songs by heart, but I've pretty much decided he isn't worth it if he keeps leaving and getting back together with this, ahem, person! *evil grin*

Yeah, new account. I can't remember my password or even username now... I still use the same name, but mostly I go by Lúthien or Tinúviel now. Because, you know, of him.

I care about him so much, as a friend as well, not just as a crush or anything like that, so the niggling doubt my mother planted in my head...ahh, I'm fighting it, there's really no reason for me to suppose she's right other than this (hopefully) temporary weirdness on his part... but I don't want to judge harshly, and I have always found him deserving of my trust. I want to trust him... but this is one of my greatest fears, finding out that someone close to me isn't who I thought they were at all...and that's freaking scary!

[pcmaster]

You have grown a lot over the past years. Remember you as a little girl who still studied at school. Now you have a office job.
Now its late but I look what I can do for you tomorrow and hope we can help you figure things out during Christmas. BTW Merry Christmas !

[pcmaster]

So it seems like you really like this guy but you care too much about him.

it’s not physical attraction, it’s something else entirely…a deep admiration

Well thats where its broken. Feelings and physical attraction should be equally important. I understand that you like this guy in a pure way but without being physical and doing these little things like touches and kisses you are missing out a lot. If you cant meet him, if he avoids meeting you then theres nothing you can do. Its all in your head. No matter how much you care. Maybe hes even running away because of it - cause you care too much about him.

In your place I would just give him one chance to meet you, like arrange meeting with him. If you cant do it in one week time because he dont want to or dont respond. - Whatever the reason. I would forget about him.
Easier said than done but its possible.

Think you are too obsessed. Check this out !


youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

[PrincessKiara]

So it seems like you really like this guy but you care too much about him.

That's just my nature, I care a LOT about people...even when I don't know them, there's this urge to help. And I'm not the one who started telling me he'd die if anything happened to me :p

Well thats where its broken. Feelings and physical attraction should be equally important. I understand that you like this guy in a pure way but without being physical and doing these little things like touches and kisses you are missing out a lot.

Oh, that's the main reason...I didn't say there was nothing there. At first, I frankly found his physique to be...quite the average Mexican boy, except too thin and with large sad eyes...not really my type. Now, I look into his eyes and I melt inside. :$

If you cant meet him, if he avoids meeting you then theres nothing you can do. Its all in your head. No matter how much you care. Maybe hes even running away because of it - cause you care too much about him.

I just spoke to his best friend's mom (not intentionally, mind you), and she told me why he hasn't been in contact. He has no money so she pays him to run her store for her while she heals from surgery, and he's working from 8AM to 11PM...plus he rented his cell phone to her in exchange for her lending him money, and of course being how he is he wouldn't just take it as she urged him to do. But she totally set my mind at rest on this point. She said I shouldn't worry, that he would come to see me for sure...that he talks about me every day and has been saving up things like teddy bears, etc. to give me...She thought I was his girlfriend, lol!


Garn! It's so hard waiting! But I don't want to seem desperate. I'm definitely telling him how I feel next time I see him, and put the ball in his court.

[pcmaster]

[MENTION=82185]PrincessKiara[/MENTION]

Thats so dramatic, funny and childish, innocent at the same time. Now you see that those who said he dont care was wrong. You know when you love someone other people dont know how it feels. I mean the truth knows only two people - you and him. You know when seeing daily the person you love, you know you can actually feel his heart and know how he feels about you.

Theres only one thing that is very dangerous in relationship - the guy is quiet. He is who he is but while he was thinking about you, you been in doubt and pain, going crazy not knowing whats happening. He didn't had his phone but thats not excuse. Good communication is a must for any healthy relationship. Seems like communication been weakest link between you two so far. Don't be surprised if he fails to say L word when he have the chance. He could do twice less(and get same results) if his words would come together with his actions but he does just the hardest thing(beginners mistake) and loves you in his little world without directly expressing his feelings. Being direct and always saying what you feel takes confidence. As well as touching a girl takes confidence but it becomes much easier when feelings are expressed directly with words. And vice versa - Also L word comes out much easier after direct touch or kiss.

Best you can do to avoid getting stuck is always say what you want to say, don't care what other people think and don't be afraid to fail. Once fear is gone everything just happens so easy and naturally.
Just like with everything in life if things are not going forward they are going backwards. Even standing in one place is going backward. So when things are good its always better to look for the next step, how can you take this further. Don't get stuck for too long in one place just because its comfortable. Doing things that challenges you or takes courage makes you grow. The same applies to relationships.

[PrincessKiara]

[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION]

Thank you so much for your advice! It made me laugh, hahaha. Childish is exactly the way I'd describe him...but in a good way. Despite having been through so much, he hasn't lost his innocence. He still thinks people are good despite all they've put him through.

Me? I feel more stupid and clumsy (both physically and socially) than childish...

I know I'd be pretty angry with my mom if she up and left me the way his mom left him! Yet he's forgiven her 100%

So...do you think I should try to kiss him? I don't know... He's even more of a prude than my grandmother (and believe you me when I say dear old Grandma is a religious nut!), and I don't want him thinking I'm some sort of...boy-crazed weirdo...LOL.

And...oooookay. Gotta be honest here. I suppose he's kissed before, having had that one GF who left him when his family lost their money...but I haven't...and once I've gotten up enough courage to make the first move so he KNOWS I won't push him away...I'd really like him to initiate our first kiss, if he wants to. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[pcmaster]

Thats natural if you want him to make first move. Cause hes a guy and guys reach out and ****s the world. While girls are more passive and waits. Maybe sounds rude but thats how diferent genders think normally.

Sure there are ways how you can initiate it and still make him feel like it was him who kissed you. For example start talking slower and maybe just a little bit quieter. Lean a little towards him, smile, look in his eyes. And think sexy. Have the intention in your eyes. What helps a lot besides all that is a good scent. Its so sexy when girls smells good.

But you described a guy in that way that he seems so detached from his sexual side that maybe even that wont work. If nothing works then easier would be to do it first if you want it happen at all.

It would be much easier if you didnt liked each other so much. you would be able to do things without caring and thinking too much about each other feelings. That would let things progress.
I really think that most important thing in this world is ability to express and take the love. You have a lot of love inside but you have fear that block it. Once you can push tru the fear and insecurities it would be real freedom. Not just quality of relationship but life in general would improve.

No pressure however. Even if you fail the strength of character gain will be the measure of your true success. This might not be the guy you get to happy place with but he might be a step to happiness in future.

[PrincessKiara]

But you described a guy in that way that he seems so detached from his sexual side that maybe even that wont work. If nothing works then easier would be to do it first if you want it happen at all.

Oh, somehow...I don't quite think so, because he has after all told me he likes me, if in a veiled way. I think he's just very religious and with all he's been through he's naturally afraid to anger God, or me, or my parents, or something. And he did ask me out on a date of sorts...

But then...maybe you're right. I've only ever seen him stare at one girl, me. Which makes me really happy, wheee lol...but isn't a guy supposed to want to stare at girls, especially since we're not an item yet?

On the other hand...there was a while when he seemed to be obsessed with his butt until I teased him about it one day. We'd be walking along the street and he'd randomly say something like, "OMG did you see that girl/guy/lady/etc.? S/he was staring at my butt!" And one time we were in a crowd and he was like, "OMG this lady touched my butt!" I found this hilarious, though I tried not to laugh in front of him. Still, I have no idea why he'd do that...

Also, he told me on three separate occasions about gay guys who hit on him and scared him, and once about a girl who asked him to be her bf after hearing him sing once. And he always seems to come back to how ugly he is and how pretty I am.

Any thoughts on this? :| Other than guys...and life in general...are weird? :p

[pcmaster]

Oh he dont seems so bad after all. Its good that he dont stare at other girls. Cause when guy is in love there are one most beautiful girl in the world.

Maybe he just tries to make you feel confident when he says how beautiful you are. Then again if he really meant that hes ugly then he is giving his mental power to you making himself less confident.