My nightmare has become reality

[ultimatum]

My nightmare has become reality, I hope this is a bad dream but I do not seem to wake up. God.

Dont even know if this is the right place to post this. (sorry for my english language, I am not english. please understand.)

I have been with my soon to be wife for two years. I am 22, she is 21. She has been with four guys intimately before me. I was a virgin before I met her. We started out as friends, she was going through a horrible breakup. Over the the course of about a month, feelings developed, and I told her how I felt about her. This led to us becoming a couple. We did not have sex before after several weeks of "couple time" (both her and my decision), although we did kiss and sleep next to each other.

None of the guys she has been with in the past have been very good to her. She says that I am her savoiur, that I am the first one she has been able to really open up and talk to, the first one to understand her. She says the love for me is "different" from the love for the others in the past, that it is more imtimate. We have very good communication, in all ways.

I have been terribly bothered by her past, in periods so bad that I could not achieve an erection when we were going to sleep together. I know so much about her past sex life, because of our talking when we were still friends. But I was getting over it and everything was so super good. We decided, to promise forever and marry. This will happen this autumn.

We have had a good sex life, even if she would not fulfill some of my desires. See, I am not afraid to say that I have one thing I really really wanted to try. It has been a dream of mine since I was a young boy, anal sex. I asked her many, many times to please just try it with her, she refused every time. I told her that at least...

I feel so sick in my gut.

I told her that at least that would be like a way for me to do something with her she has not done before. (as I said, I have some issues with her past.) She agreed on my point but also still refused. No one can understand my desire to do it with her, but never ever she said yes, if only to make me happy.

So, yesterday I asked her again, but this time it come a long talk out of it. I said, she could not know that she did not like it until she tried. Then she answered,

she had tried it and not liked it.

I felt like dying inside, I asked her with who of them (her earlier boy friends), but she would not answer. The pain so huge, I cried instantly and felt fever and coldness soar through my soul. Why would she do it with him and not me?!?! Am I worse than him? I know it was not because of hurt, she has told me I have the smallest penis of all her men (this alone caused pain in past)

She just said, I was the guy who teached her to respect herself! What! I dont want to be that guy, that weak guy who she can always talk to, like a friend!!

I asked her, maybe you could try it again? I begged her, I was so destroyed inside I felt like it could never heal. No - she had tried it many times, she was sure. I asked her, how many times? She said, she could not count them. I asked more, digging deeper all the time and feeling soul dying, she finally revealed, many times a week in over 3 months, before he dump her!!
But not once with me - I - who dreamed to do it since childhood! I wanted to kill myself. I want to not marry her, but I have to. No man can break up over such a thing if he is not very weak. Maybe I am weak. I told her, I am sorry I feel this way, so sorry. She got angry and goed to her brother to sleep there instead. She has not come back yet! What can I do... This is nightmare, this is horrible.. no words can describe it, the pain. I would rather have my body killed, than this... god... I love her so much, but I feel she is used and broken now... and she wont try and repair it,... what can I do!!! Just the word Anal Sex, which before brought me joy, and hope that maybe I can do it with my coming wife... now I feel only torture by that word, and want to leave the world.

[ultimatum]

oh, no. this become too long... sorry.

[Only-virgins]

Wow she is 21? ..she sounds like she got around a bit for her age lol. You know what. I think your feelings are fine. If she tried it once and didnt like it then I would be like "fine..you didnt like it so you dont have to do it ever again"....BUT ...she "tried it" over and over and over and over again...umm ..no..sorry..trying something can only happen the first time you do it lol..the next time you do it its because you want too. Do what you want but I dont blame you for the hurt. Were you from?

[Junket]

Look dude.

Forget forget and forget.

Play a videogame.

And forget some more.

Are you catching on?

[Only-virgins]

Look dude.

Forget forget and forget.

Play a videogame.

And forget some more.

Are you catching on?

uhh...no..she had anal sex before..many times so it seems..she can do it one more time for this guy.

[Nameless18]

Yeah thats true. She can. But if she experienced it before and didnt like it, why do it again? I don't understand how you can get so upset and kill yourself over anal sex. You kept asking and asking about her past with other guys when shes now with you. Get youself together unless you wanna lose her forever.

[Tone]

No **** that this guy is pathetic... you cried???? She doesn't like it, she doesn't want to do it with you - stop begging and making yourself sound more and more pathetic - the more you beg for it when she says no the MORE she is going to not want to do it..

Think about it assh0le, she had very very BAD relationships before right? And so maybe the times she did it with the other guys wasn't exactly a mutual agreement, if you follow me.. she told you she doesn't like it and doesn't want to do it.. have some ****ing respect for your woman. You would rather have your body killed than her deny you anal sex?! You got issues dude. And in this day and age you can't be suprised when a girl you meet is not a virgin. I can't wait to see how you react when something serious actually happens.. your nightmare is her denying you anal sex.. gimme a break...

[whaywardj]

Ditto, Tone. Ultimatum: Get your head of her ass and stop thinking with your glans. (Go look it up.) Sheesh. You're HER nightmare come true.

[ultimatum]

No one can understand my motivation and pain... maybe except Only-virgins...(I am from Europe by the way,originally Germany)- thanks so much for replies anyway. The pain will never pass because i have realised that I can not think about this to go away. She and I have now talked over the phone a long time (she did still not come back) and I told her I have to break up with her or the pain will cause me to suicide my self. And I can not do that. I must find a virgin and not a whore, if I can not do that I must live my life alone, forever. This is too much for me, no one understands the pain and that is ok. But I would rather die than being in a relationshi with this knowledge and pain. This actions proves to me that her previous beyyfriends were very superior to me, because she did these things with them. Now, she is done with her sexual phase and just want a "nice guy" to provide for her, while she thinks back on her sex days longingly. I can never share with her what they shared, not even if she does it because I would have nagged her into doing it. What she did with them happily, is a torture to do with me. I dont know what to do. She is used goods, I am just the guy who "taught her to respect herself". I can not write any more I have to drink more wine (I have been drinking alcohol all the time to keep my sanity). Thankj you for advice. but relationshpi is now dead. I am in such pain. I must find some one who is not drained and used up. Good bye.

[bluesummer]

Wow.

I think you never should have gotten into this relationship in the first place. You knew she'd gotten around before that, and you weren't ok with it then, what made you think you'd ever be ok with it? It's your own fault for going after someone who didn't meet your standards.

[ultimatum]

No, no... I could not ask such thing in the start of a relationship, and she always tried to give the impression she had never tried it! SHE LIED!!!! And kileled my soul!! I am hoping, ALL her ex men goes to hell, to burn!!!!!! and now I am no longer virgin so I am not worthy of another virgin!! There is no reason for me to be on earth any more... My body has started shaking, for hours on end... this is terror...horror. I must just wait, untli I am an old man, so I can die peacefully for I belong not on earth.

[bluesummer]

Honestly, it feels bad now, but it's not the end of the world....and certainly not worth dying over. And why should you wish bad things upon her ex-bf's?? They didn't do anything to you personally. I'm sure they don't even know you. What she did in her past relationships is exactly that...THE PAST. Meaning nothing to do with you.

Like I said, you were friends with her before you dated, you knew a lot of details of her sexual past....you said it already was affecting your relationship....you should've just broken up long before you committted to marry someone whose past you couldn't get over. It doesn't matter if she lied to you about the anal or not. You never liked the fact that she had slept with four guys before you, yet you carried on with the relationship. So I'm sorry to say, but you brought this on yourself.

[Jsnowman]

First off, maybe get some help. If you're serious about suicide over anal sex, go see a therapist. Second, perhaps the reason why she does not want anal sex, besides the fact that it may hurt, is that maybe she looks upon you differently. She may be trying to disassociate herself from her past. A woman who is raped, then down the road gets into a relationship with a nice guy, may not want to have sex with the guy for a long time. Not because she does not want to but perhaps because it brings up her past. Not wanting to have anal sex is not a reason to not marry a person. As you get older, you'll find out that you can't always get what you want out of life. If this is not the right woman for you so be it, but this is not the end of the world.

[Asip4u]

Good points by all you guys...She's experienced, you're not, use your head next time and like Tone mentioned have some respect for your woman...plus you totally went about it the wrong way dude...grow up!

[Junket]

So guys, I was havin' one of my milkshakes the other day when...

I SPILLED IT!

JESUS CHRIST, I SPILLED MY POOR MILKSHAKE!

I just didn't know what to do, I feel so lost, the glass, lying there it's content spilt like blood upon the tile floor.

I kneeled to try to clean but I just, broke down in tears.

I just don't know if I can go on like this guys.

I think I'd rather die than make another milkshake.

What should I do? Oh what should I do??