My friend is so hurtful and awful:(

[Joanna_L]

I have a friend who has anxeity and depression.She stays in her house and only talks to her family. Anyway,exactly 1 year ago,we were hanging out together and I was being super super sensitive and kind. She told me she doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore. I didn't take offense cause I thought she was going through a rough time and said,Ok,Sure with a smile.
Now 1 year on,she is still ignoring me completely. And I sent her some nice gifts from my recent vacation. I just got a little card from her today. I thought "oh how nice she's finally coming around" and I read it...it said:
"I don't feel like getting back in contact so please don't message me and stop sending me these gifts. Good luck in your enterprises and merry christmas.bye"
I can't believe the RUDENESS
Its so hurtful.
am I right or wrong to feel this hurt?
I just want to know other people's opinion about this... I just feel like...how dare she be so up on her pedestal while everyone's being so kind,she's just cutting off relationships and being hurtful and frankly very rude.

[Wakeup]

I have a friend who has anxeity and depression.She stays in her house and only talks to her family. Anyway,exactly 1 year ago,we were hanging out together and I was being super super sensitive and kind. She told me she doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore. I didn't take offense cause I thought she was going through a rough time and said,Ok,Sure with a smile.
Now 1 year on,she is still ignoring me completely. And I sent her some nice gifts from my recent vacation. I just got a little card from her today. I thought "oh how nice she's finally coming around" and I read it...it said:
"I don't feel like getting back in contact so please don't message me and stop sending me these gifts. Good luck in your enterprises and merry christmas.bye"
I can't believe the RUDENESS

She was not rude, she was exercising her boundaries and this time, telling you to stop crossing them. She told you once that she wasn't interested in hanging out with you for whatever reason and that should have been your cue to stop any and all interaction with her forever. If she changed her mind, it would be up to her to contact you and see if you were open to revisiting a friendship with her. You have to honour peoples boundaries and not try to manipulate yourself back into their lives by buying them things. Your intentions may have been innocent but they were still inappropriate. Your self-respect should have warned you not to try to "worm" your way back into someone's life who was bold enough to tell you she wasn't interested.

Its so hurtful.

Yes, rejection can be hurtful but it is less hurtful if you simply view it as an opportunity lost... her opportunity, certainly not yours. I see that it would be hurtful the first time she rejected you but you volunteered to feel the hurt a second time when you crossed those boundaries I mentioned.

am I right or wrong to feel this hurt?

See above

I just want to know other people's opinion about this... I just feel like...how dare she be so up on her pedestal while everyone's being so kind,she's just cutting off relationships and being hurtful and frankly very rude.

No offense but you were actually being rude by giving her gifts and trying to buy her friendship back.

Learn this lesson: When someone tells you outright that they have no further desire to hang out with you... you don't buy them gifts later and expect those gifts to be well received. You take the hint and you don't have anything further to do with them.

Now... don't forget that she is not in a good place emotionally and perhaps you can give her some slack due to her dysfunctional state of mind. Most people will just do the fade when they find they no longer have anything in common with the other and save the verbal dismissals.

[Joanna_L]

I understand what you mean. BUT I never meant to "buy back her friendship" I was just trying to cheer her up. It was spontaneous. I really regret sending her it now. Before that, I actually haven't been in touch at all like she wanted. And the thing is I don't even WANT her friendship. Because of the state she is in and I want to be out of her life... I just think she didn't have to send me such a rude message. She could of continued to ignore me. MY PLAN was to continue to ignore her for life until she wanted me back! And just enjoy my life. (Btw she cut me off last winter,I sent her the gift around the end of summer,I got the card yesterday.)

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She hasn't even told me what I did wrong but I'm being treated like some bad person she wants to cut out of her life like cancer,which is pretty harsh.

[basilandthyme]

I understand what you mean. BUT I never meant to "buy back her friendship" I was just trying to cheer her up. It was spontaneous. I really regret sending her it now. Before that, I actually haven't been in touch at all like she wanted. And the thing is I don't even WANT her friendship. Because of the state she is in and I want to be out of her life... I just think she didn't have to send me such a rude message. She could of continued to ignore me. MY PLAN was to continue to ignore her for life until she wanted me back! And just enjoy my life. (Btw she cut me off last winter,I sent her the gift around the end of summer,I got the card yesterday.)

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She hasn't even told me what I did wrong but I'm being treated like some bad person she wants to cut out of her life like cancer,which is pretty harsh.

So why would you send gifts to someone who you don't want in your life? I would have thought you'd have been happy that not wanting each other in your lives was a mutual thing

[Joanna_L]

Because our mum's are best friends,so when my mum mentioned her she popped into my mind and I thought I'd send her something. SPONTANEOUSLY.

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I've know her since birth it's not like she's some kind of stranger I befriended. I always looked out and cared for her. (Up til recently)

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I guess I'm not going to get any symphasysers here,which is sad...*sigh* why can't anybody see it how I see it. Oh well. I'm strong and I will get through this. I don't deserve to be treated bad, and I'm gonna be happy.

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I actually got proposed to recently, and I'm happily engaged. And I'm really really enjoying my life right now and I don't need her bringing me down with silly little cards like that. She can just watch her life go by and I'll have a fulfilling one! I'm not going to tell her about my fiancee because she doesn't want to know,not going to tell her about my wedding day or invite her, and I'll just live on without her. I don't need her ignoring me for no good reason and then getting mad at me if I accidentally *interact with her* and restating that she is ignoring me. Because Whatever. If I ever come across her again I shall do my best to ignore her. Problem solved.

[Lilly328]

I think you ment well. I know how you feel, but for someone like this, it is better to just ignore her. A little less stress is how I see it. I know someone like that. When they are in a good mood, they will talk to you as if we are like family and when they get all depressed they would tell you to f*off for no reason.
My last draw with this person is when he contact my fiance out of the blue wanting to be his friend and see how I was doing. Then he suddenly snapped for no reason telling him to just go live happily with me wanting no contact with us :/ recently keep leaving a sorry text for me so i ignored it.

Really you don't need people like this to bring you down, even when they contact you again it is best to ignore them. Think of it as a rock being lift off your back.

[Joanna_L]

Thank you for that comment Lilly! Yes. A rock has been lifted off my back. I won't let this bother me anymore.

[Gigabitch]

Considering the fact that your moms are friends, her actions were borderline rude. You might as well be cousins. I think her behavior was somewhat inappropriate.

Question: is she close with anyone at all? Sometimes people with mental and emotional issues find it much more difficult to maintain relationships than you would imagine. Does she even relate to her family?

The point I'm trying to make is that you really can't take this so personally. It's probably not really about you at all.

[smackie9]

People who have mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, don't act or respond like a mentally healthy person do. Their point of view or reactions can come out of left field leaving us wondering wtf just happened there. Their perception can get very distorted leading them to believe such negative things, like hating you, mistrusting you for being nice to them, etc. She probably had some anxiety over the gifts, and now that it's close to Christmas she felt she was pressured to return the gesture. Her anxiety is so bad, probably physically painful, sending that letter was her way of releasing that pain/anxiety.

People who do suffer from anxiety can come off as distant, cold, rude, snobbish, etc. But inside they are fearful, and emotionally in turmoil. In order to control/cope with it they shut down, push away or release the tension negatively like lashing out.

Your friend is very sick, and obviously she isn't getting the therapy she needs. My guess is she is fine around family because it doesn't trigger these emotions.

I know it's real tough to not take it personally, but hopefully you can understand it now, and walk away knowing it has nothing to do with you.

[melancholia]

Regardless of her reasoning as to why she ended the friendship, it's over and you need to accept that. When a friendship ends, it can be harder than a break up with a partner. I have gone through this with several friends over the years, and recently with my closest friend of 13 years. You can't please everyone, and we are all entitled to keep people in our lives who add value and positivity to our life. If she can't see that you possess those attributes, then you are better off going your separate ways. You can make lasting friendships with other people who appreciate you being in their life.

[megvoh]

Yeah, rude to me but least she did thank for the gifts before delivering the fatal final blow. I'd ignore her from now on, not worth it.