Do those "Get your Ex Back" programs actually wotk?

[Jbutterfly]

I couldn't find a "general" topic, so this one was the closest one I could find to the right subject. I have been seeing websites advertising programs that offer strategies that can help inspire your ex to want to come back to you. I know it sounds 100% too good to be true, but the descriptions of it make a lot of sense and seems like it is something that could actually have something legitimate in them. Has anyone on here ever tried one of them? I am considering getting one myself, but I thought I would see first if anyone has tried one.

-Julia

[bobba99]

I couldn't find a "general" topic, so this one was the closest one I could find to the right subject. I have been seeing websites advertising programs that offer strategies that can help inspire your ex to want to come back to you. I know it sounds 100% too good to be true, but the descriptions of it make a lot of sense and seems like it is something that could actually have something legitimate in them. Has anyone on here ever tried one of them? I am considering getting one myself, but I thought I would see first if anyone has tried one.

-Julia

Sounds very silly.

If you want to get back with an ex they have to want you back. No programs are going to do that for you.

[SuperHappyTime1]

I couldn't find a "general" topic, so this one was the closest one I could find to the right subject. I have been seeing websites advertising programs that offer strategies that can help inspire your ex to want to come back to you. I know it sounds 100% too good to be true, but the descriptions of it make a lot of sense and seems like it is something that could actually have something legitimate in them. Has anyone on here ever tried one of them? I am considering getting one myself, but I thought I would see first if anyone has tried one.

-Julia

If it "sounds" too good to be true, it is "too good to be true". Rather, it's likely not to be true.
To get to the real issue; Why did you Ex break up with you? And, What about the reason he broke up with you makes you want to get back together with him?

[TheEvilJester]

It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

:-D

I would agree with the others. Those "programs" are a load of crap. Furthermore, more often than not, your exes are your exes for a reason. Why would you even want them back? God, in my case, I'd rather scrape a rusty fork repeatedly over my eye-balls then to get my ex back. I would NEVER make that mistake again, or do that to myself again.

Okay, so not everybody's ex is necessarily as reprehensible to them as I feel toward mine. Still, like I said, your exes are your exes for a reason. Unless something has changed in what caused the break up in the first place, I don't even see why you'd want to re-visit.

That said, there are no "programs" that can magically help you get your ex back, just as there are no magical programs that can help you get men/women. Really, you just have to find what works for you. If you truly desire to get an ex back, it really isn't all that much different from trying to date a new person. The difference, of course, being that they already know there was something that didn't work out between you two before. If that something happens to have been you in some way, you can maybe try to explain and/or demonstrate how that has now changed. There is no magical bullet, though. Just like asking out a completely new person, they'll either give you a chance or they won't.

[Jbutterfly]

My opinion is just like the others too, if from the perspective of someone who hadn't read any of them. When I posted that I was seeking the opinions about them from people who have actually read them. I know there is no magic bullet.. you can't just make someone decide to do something, and I wouldn't expect for one of those guides to "work" in that kind of way. I'm not mistaking it for some kind of magic trick. Your ex has to more or less be already wishing they could still be with you but doesn't see how the reoccurring problems can be prevented.

I actually did read one late last night though to see what it said, and it basicly tells you what to keep from doing that people think at the time are the best way to handle a break up but are just the opposite.. Coming across desperate or needy etc, things that could run it into the ground if there would otherwise be any potential hope left.. And some particular things that show him different than what he is expecting of you that he might be inspired to consider being with you again after seeing the changes you have made.. like after a month or so of not initiating contact with him, and being brief or slow to respond if he does contact you. There were quite a bit of things in it that seemed to make sense. Again I'm not seeing it as some magic trick to get him back, and I agree the title is a bit much "get your ex back".. But it's more or less describing the best way to handle a break up if there is any hope in the future without shooting yourself in the foot.

By the way.. Although I understand and respect that the break up was his decision, the situation that resulted in the break up was an issue of a misunderstanding and bad timing. Well I am calling it a break up, because this period of silence from him has lasted 9 days instead of 5 at the latest like it had been when he would do this before, so no closure or anything to let me know for sure.. it could be that he's just needing a lot of space right now but I'm not counting on it. The last we had talked was when he agreed we would talk about it and try to work things out, but just needed some sleep first.

Although we treated eachother like gold for the most part when we were together, we had these random rocky spells that kept coming up for the last 4 months or so since his dad passed away. Up until then I got so used to us being with only each other for so long.. that once he started going out with his guy buds around 4 months ago, it put pressure on him that I would dwell on worries and missing him, when I could have reconnected with old friends and had myself taken care of in that department too. I wasn't able to see at the time that the real underlying issue causing all the misunderstandings was just a lack of balance.. I wouldn't have even been having those feelings in the first place that I felt like the right thing to do at the time was talk about them, if I had just been keeping myself preoccupied.

I didn't realize what the real issue was til about 3 days after we broke up. I made a gift for him and wrote a detailed letter explaining what I figured out, and let him know how if he accepted me again then theres a much better chance things would stay fine between us. I mailed the package with the gift and letter Friday, and it was delivered Monday. I don't know if he read it or not though cause it was long.

But anyways that's my story, and meanwhile my main focus is to try and keep myself taken care of and not let grieving make me lose myself.

-Julia

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest with you, I think you should have lead with that rather than even worrying about whether anybody thought these "programs" work. I think we could have offered you some advice on your specific situation.

From the details you just shared, it sounds to me like you two aren't necessarily irrevocably broken up. Unless I misunderstood, you gave the impression that it was a break-up more with the intention of taking a break and revisiting things after you've both had some time to rest, refresh, and recharge, so to speak. That being the case, I think your best bet right now is to give him some space, and also take some of your own time to recover and ponder what caused the issues in the first place.

It seems you have already done that a little bit. You mentioned that a lot of the issues spawned when he started to have some social interactions outside of you two after you two had spent so long dedicating 100% of your time to each other only. To be honest with you, I tend to recommend that it isn't such a great idea to spend literally 100% of your free time with your significant other. In other words, to not do anything socially without them.

The reason for that is sometimes we all need time to ourselves, or time to go out and just hang with our friends. Even if early on you are both so into each other that you DO want to be together 24/7, eventually one of both of you will want solo time now and then. The thing is, that's actually NOT a bad thing. That can be a really good thing, because it can mean you WANT to be together, but you are also strong enough to sometimes spend time apart.

Otherwise, if it becomes your habit to always be together 24/7, it is understandable how you may feel neglected if suddenly he starts hanging out with his buddies without you again. You are so used to getting his full attention that (understandably so, mind you) it sort of feels to you like he's ignoring your relationship even if he is just taking a healthy and reasonable amount of time to see other people. I think you already have the right idea now that you've had time to think about it. You should have been using that time to do some of your own solo stuff. Be that exploring hobbies you have that he may not share or even seeing your own friends and family.

I'm not sure of the extent of all of what happened between you two, but if it is all sort of more minor things like that, it's possible they ARE things that could be fixed. Often times, things can become heated and you get so emotionally charged that both of you are guilty of blowing things out of proportion. I am not saying that IS the case for you and your fella. I can't know if it is or not. I am just saying, if it is the case, then that may be a situation where some time to recharge can put you in a better state of mind to discuss things and see if there is a chance for your relationship.

So, again, I think your best bet is to take some time off from each other and then see how you feel after that. There's no set specific time frame/time limit. That is really up to you two. In time, if you feel the relationship is worth saving, then talk then about the things that caused issues in the first place and see if you two can come to common ground.

Good luck to you, though, either way. If it is what you wish, then I hope things work out for you. If they don't though, then just know that there is still somebody out there for you. If things don't work out with this fella, it doesn't mean your true match isn't out there, it just means it wasn't him.

[Jbutterfly]

Thanks so much for the time and thoughfulness you put into writing that. Yeah initially when I wrote this post I think I was thinking along the lines that our relationship is still somewhat hopeful for being recovered, but trying not to get my hopes up too high whichever way.

After him not contacting me in 9 days, and me not contacting him in 7 days (besides the letter i wrote him), I sent him a text yesterday more or less explaining that the shock of what I felt was going on is out of my system now, and that I think the space is good for us right now to just focus on ourselves. Then several hours later I decided to call him and see if he would at least answer, and maybe just talk about taking space so we both know that's what this is. Nope. Well it really started getting under my skin how he just suddenly went silent on me and left me hanging, with no clue as to whether this is just a smooth move to dump me without having to say so, or just taking space without me wanting to know that that's what this is... Either way it just felt like his safe way to throw me in the garbage for now or for good, while sabotaging my freedom.. because he knows that since I don't know if I should still be hanging on, he knows I will just in case.

So then about 3 hours after I called, I texted him "I'm coming over tomorrow at 3 to pick up my mini camo butterfly" (something I made for myself a long time ago that was special to me, but this year i gave it to him for his birthday).. That's the closest thing to being considered as mine that he has at his house. Then about 15 minutes later he responded with this...

"That's fine, but why? Either bc you care about your butterfly more than our relationship or you just want to hurt my feelings."...

Then I said "It's been 9 days since you would even talk to me, how am I supposed to know you're still wanting a relationship? I could easily say you were just ignoring me to try and hurt me, but I really have no idea what to think when that happens."

Then he said "So you said that just to hurt my feelings and to get a reaction out of me since I haven't talked to you? Does it feel fair now?"

And I said "No, I didn't. I simply thought you made it clear by not talking to me anymore, that you didn't want to be with me anymore. I would Never try to hurt you. I know there are times when you were hurt and so it seems like I was trying to because you didn't know where I was really coming from inside, but I would never try to hurt you."

So, he knows that I care about the relationship... One thing he couldn't avoid regardless of how hard he tried, was seeing that I busted my ass to try and make things good again between us.

Where I'm at now is, I feel like I have to explain to him that if he is not responding to me without first letting me know that he wants some space, then we're not in a relationship at that point.. because a relationship isn't a relationship without communication. Does that sound like an okay idea, or would that scare him? I feel like he thinks the only way to feel like he's got a handle on things is to just ignore me when times are tough. This is his first relationship, and besides the ghosting it is really impressive how well he handles it, and we treat each other like gold otherwise. But I just don't know the best way to explain that I can't let him randomly avoid me like that anymore, especially since it lasts several days at a time... See he doesn't know how confusing, frustrating, and painful it is to be on the receiving end, because it's never happened to him before.. and it's not in my nature to just give him a taste of his own medicine some day, although I feel like that would at least show him how it feels. There has to be a better way though.. We have talked about this a few times before, and he knows I am not okay with him avoiding me without telling me first, or at least only a few hours later or something, that he needs some space.

[megvoh]

No, they don't. It's difficult to get someone back who is done and want to be done and gone and moved on.

[TheEvilJester]

God, I SO know how you feel. It is so torturous not knowing what is going through the other person's head and wondering whether things are okay between you, or whether they can be fixed.

I will say this, I 100% understand why you couldn't help yourself but call him, and then later texted him again when you got no response. So, please don't misunderstand that I am blaming you or anything....

However, I would definitely have recommend you not do that. Believe me, I understand why you felt you had to do that. Hindsight is always 20/20, but when you two decided to "take a break" or "break up" or whatever the case may be, you should have defined exactly what that would mean right then and there. Then you both understand each other's expectations of the break and whether the intention is that you are completely broken up, or the intention is that you will take some time apart and then revisit after a certain amount of time.

Believe me, I understand this advice comes too late for you this time, so if nothing else I hope you can learn from this experience..... Though I frankly hope you never have to put that new lesson to use. As it is, you told him in one text message that you thought some space was good for you two for a while..... but then you turn around and call him later when he doesn't respond to that..... and text him again after he doesn't answer your call.

Again, no judgment intended here. Believe me, I understand. I have been in similar situations where I feel like somebody has some issue with me (be it a friend or girlfriend), but feel like they aren't being forthcoming and honest about it. I understand the havoc this wreaks on your mind, and causes you almost to feel like you HAVE to have some kind of answer. It would have been better to give him some time and space, not to mention to take advantage of that opportunity yourself.

That said, if you didn't hear from him after a while (no set time, just whatever seems reasonable to you), then you are okay to reach out just to say "Hey, it's been (insert amount of time here). I think we should talk about how or even if we want to continue this."

All of that said, I will say this:

UNLESS you two made it very clear that you needed to go no contact for a while....

I would say it definitely was unfair and immature of him to just ignore your calls/texts like that. Yes, you two were taking a break, but it sounds like he wasn't 100% clear as to what that meant in his mind, and that is not AT ALL being fair to you. He can't just string you along with you not knowing whether, in his mind, you two are completely over or whether you are just taking a momentary break.

I think my suggestion for now would just be a simple e-mail, text, or whatever, but this time, DO NOT expect a response from him, or at least not immediately. Just very short and simple to say something along the lines of.... "I think a little space is good for us right now, but we eventually need to talk and decide what this means. Let's take a break for (insert time frame here) and talk on (insert your selected date here) to decide how we are both feeling about this situation and where we see it going."

Then, just leave it at that until the date you cited actually comes along, unless he reaches out to you before that. Obviously, put that into your own words, but I think actually taking a break and going 100% contact may be what is needed. I realize you say you two did do that for a little bit, but it sort of sounds like you did but you didn't, if that makes sense.

Anyway, good luck to you either way.