Don't know what's best

[Stuckinlovee]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice as I'm struggling to make a decision about my relationship.

My relationship started 10-11 months ago, it started off seeing each other, we went on dates and as things got more serious went on a 5 day holiday together. This was the best time of my life, the holiday completed us and Made us a lot closer. When we got back from holiday he was making way more contacted, wanted to see me more.. Things were going perfectly although throughout this time of seeing each other I made the mistake of checking his phone. I have serious paranoia and trust issues due to past relationships, I know that I'm in the wrong for what I've done and it's not exceptable. I know that I should move on and can't use what's happened to me in the past as an excuse for what I did.

I seen various messages throughout the first 6 months, nothing too serious.

In August, a month after our holiday, I seen a message from his ex. It was about arrangements for meeting each other. I then made a bigger mistake, I created a Facebook account, messaged myself saying -" the boy your seeing is meeting his ex on whatever day it was". I showed him the message and he told me that he was going to meet her for closure, he then asked me out that night to which I said ok and told him I don't want him having any contact with her what so ever.


But this wasn't enough for me as I knew there was more to it, long story short it came out that he had slept with her whilst seeing me, asked her out in April to which she said no and I found this all out by messaging myself from this Facebook account and checking his phone and emails.

He then found out it was me that was messaging myself from the Facebook account and lost it. Said he's lost all faith and trust in me and I was 10000% honest with him and told him exactly what I did and why I did it. After a week of arguing and taking we came to the decision to stay together and work things out. He told his mum and sister who now don't like me though and they don't know that we are still together.

2 weeks after deciding to work things out it took a massive turn South, he didn't speak to me for 2 weeks, made plans with me then didn't turn up and cancel them then when I went to the place he was there win his friend. We went away for the night where he told me he didn't want to be with me, we argued for hours and I told him if this is it its done. No contact, nothing.

In the past I have stayed in contact with ex's and it just gets way to messy And I made the decision to never do that again and I wasn't going to look back.


He said he wanted to stay in contact as he saw a future with me, he wanted to lay low for a couple of months and see how things are when they aren't so raw with his family and between us. I said i can't do that and it's either everything or nothing.



He decided he wanted to give it another go, 4 weeks pass and things are great, going back to the way they are until a week ago. He changes again, no contact, making plans and not falling through.


No contact for 3 days lead to him telling me he didn't want to be with me, it then came out he cheated on me (not full sex, not that it makes a difference) and we are over.


Now he wants to stay in contact, he wants to get his own place and take things from there. See each other weekly and take things slow.


I just don't know if this is the best thing to do, I still love him and want to be with him. I don't think what he has done is acceptable in any shape or form but I understand that my behaviour would of pushed him into doing these things.


I want to move away now and stop all contact but he doesn't want this, and part of me doesn't either.


What should I do and what would be the best solution to take now?

How can we move forward?

Please help.

[Wakeup]

I just don't know if this is the best thing to do, I still love him and want to be with him. I don't think what he has done is acceptable in any shape or form but I understand that my behaviour would of pushed him into doing these things.

This is codependent thinking at its finest. Your behaviour MAY be a reason why he wanted to break up with you but it is NO excuse to cheat on you.

I think you'd do well to get yourself away from him for good and then get some help with your trust issues in general. To go to the length that you did to find out what he was up to instead of just getting rid of him for being the sketchy untrustworthy acting asshole that he is, says a lot about your current state of mind and your lack of confidence.

A woman with good personal boundaries in place that helps her to be confident enough to know that she is the prize wouldn't do fake accounts... she'd just say "see ya, asshole." You two aren't even married so why would you want to continue on in this dysfunctional relationship?

Frankly (and not said with malice, just sayin) your behaviour is rather bunny boilerish. Love yourself enough to stop chasing after him. There are plenty of other men out there that will make a better partner for you once you've learned the tools to help you store away your past relationship baggage.

[Stuckinlovee]

I think you'd do well to get yourself away from him for good and then get some help with your trust issues in general. To go to the length that you did to find out what he was up to instead of just getting rid of him for being the sketchy untrustworthy acting asshole that he is, says a lot about your current state of mind and your lack of confidence.

A woman with good personal boundaries in place that helps her to be confident enough to know that she is the prize wouldn't do fake accounts... she'd just say "see ya, asshole." You two aren't even married so why would you want to continue on in this dysfunctional relationship.


Thanks for your reply... I really appreciate it. I agree with getting help with my trust issues Andi need to grow in confidence but don't know how?

I've tried for so many years to change but I keep failing?