Going on my first date EVER tomorrow...tips please!

[soccerguy987]

Hi Loveforum users,

I guess the subject name is self explanatory really lol. Going on my first date EVER... with a girl I started talking to online, just need some helpful tips on how to remain calm leading up to it! Do's and Don'ts of what I should/shouldn't do on the date would be awesome!

Thanks.
Your friend,

soccerguy987

PS: I CANT STOP SMILING!

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, I think the best tips you can get all involve just being yourself. Yes, you are going to be (and should be) excited. BUT.... Just remember that she is just a human being just like you. Remember that she is probably just as nervous and just as excited. So, try not to get yourself too freaked out.

At the same time, don't over-think it. If you are anything like me, it wouldn't hurt to sort of mentally prepare yourself. In other words, have some ideas of things to ask her to keep the conversation rolling, find ways to give her opportunities to ask about you if she doesn't do so naturally, stuff like that. All the same, don't over-prepare like you are going to a job interview. If you prepare too much and worry too much about what you are going to do and say, you could come across too insincere. You want to just be natural and just be how you would with anybody.

Also, don't be too much of a "yes man," so to speak, just because you want to impress her. I think we are all often guilty of that in a dating situation. In other words, you should show sincere interest in what she has to say, but don't go overboard in agreeing with everything she says, or acting like everything she says/does is the most amazing thing in the world. Be honest with her. If/when you may not agree with something she says, feel free to honestly, but constructively, discuss your opinions.

Similarly, complimenting her is fine and a good idea, but also don't overdo that either. You can make yourself seem too eager. Beyond all that, really, just don't overthink it. You are going to be excited, you are going to be nervous, but that is okay. As best you can, just relax and be you.

All the same, don't get your hopes too high. Hopefully it goes well, but if it unfortunately does not, that is okay. You may go on many first dates before you ever get to a second. Or, heck, you two may hit it off like crazy. You never know. Don't try to force something that isn't there, but at the same time don't be too picky.

I know that is all kind of generic, but it is what I sincerely advise in a first date situation. Good luck to you! Go knock 'em dead.....

Only... you know.... not literally. Otherwise it would be awfully hard to get a second date. :-P

[friendsfirst]

How long have you been talking to this girl online? I recently met someone I met online and was super nervous, but he wasn't. Thing abt it is, it's going to be what it's going to be and being nervous is just going to overshadow your meeting. Be calm, and be yourself!! (I KNOW!! Easier said than done!!) Best of luck!!

[basilandthyme]

One of the things you'll hear is that you should ask a girl questions. Just remember that the questions are to get to know her and find common ground which you can both discuss. It's not about just getting her to talk about herself. You should also expect her to hold up her end of the conversation and be interested in you too.

[pcmaster]

If you cant stop smiling that means you like her. Agree asking questions are important. But you can also crack a joke. If you are going to a date where someone have to pay then step up and be man - pay for both. Its important that guy pays for first date, later it dont matter that much. Basically dont let her use her wallet for you cause it will dry up her pussy.When he reaches for her wallet Its like wallet sends signal to the pussy that this man is not worth getting wet for.
Also if you romantic you can get her a single rose and give her peck on the cheek at the start of the date.

[topazlight]

As simple as it sounds : be yourself. Obviously she liked what you presented to her online and I would guess you've already since one another through chat images or sending photos, so she likes how you look and think already from online interactions, so again be the you you already showed her. Make sure she knows how much you are enjoying meeting her IRL and make plans for another get together before end of that meet up. Enjoy yourself.

[poppypoppy]

just be urself! dont try hard to impress her
look into her eyes when u talk to her

[Guysiness]

Do's: Smile once in a while.
Look her in the eyes (longer than about 3 seconds, but not longer than like 20 or more).
Compliment her outfit in a cute way.
Tell a clean, cute joke.
Ask her about her.
Reveal something about yourself (something she doesn't know yet, like a hobby or interest).

Don'ts: DON'T talk about other women.
DON'T tell dirty jokes.
DON'T act like you are bored.
DON'T forget she notices EVERYTHING about you.

[TheEvilJester]

I would also recommend you follow-up soon after the date. Not right after, but I would think at least by the next evening. That can be whatever method you feel is appropriate for the way you two have communicated before. Traditionally, that has been a phone call the day after to say you enjoyed the date and hopefully even attempt to set up a second date. Though, these days you could e-mail or text her the next day if that happens to be more appropriate for your particular situation. In other words, if you two tend to communicate via e-mail much more often, that may be the way to go, at least still being early in the relationship. Just don't get too stuck on that, as a more personal approach like a phone call is nice now and then.

Whatever method you choose, again remember not to go overboard. In other words, even if it is true, don't go on and on about how you think she was amazing and that you two really hit it off, or whatever. Just keep it very simple. Something like "I really had a good time. I'd like to see you again. Are you free on X weekend?" Obviously not as short and simple as that, but you get the basic idea. Most likely, you won't yet know how she is feeling it, so you don't want to scare her off by seeming too into her too quickly. Of course, on the other side of that same coin, you also don't want to seem too disinterested. I know it kind of seems like those two pieces of advice are contradictory, but hopefully you get what I mean. You want to show you had a good time and liked her, but not overdo it.

That is, of course, assuming that you still want to pursue the relationship after the first date. Because, another piece of advice is to not just be so excited with the idea of dating anybody that you keep pursuing somebody who does not seem a good match for you. I am not suggesting you be super crazy picky, but if you just don't really feel like she is the one for you after the first date, there is no harm in not making a second. Don't feel like you HAVE to. If you liked her, definitely go for it, though.

Good luck! I hope it goes well.

[melancholia]

Everyone gave such great advice. I must say, I've been in the dating game for years and have been in long-term relationships and not-so-long-term relationships, and I STILL get nervous on first dates. It's totally natural. I emphasize everyone else's comments to just be yourself, ask questions, and have fun.

I'm curious to know how the date went!

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed. I can't see why you wouldn't get at least a little nervous on a first date. That's just to be expected. If you're not, I'd sort of wonder whether you are excited even in the slightest about the idea of dating the person, and if you are not, then perhaps you shouldn't be dating them in the first place.

[aadi]

don't be over smart don your job

[soccerguy987]

First of all....WOW!!! So many replies so thank you to the Loveforum community. I read all these messages leading up to it, and I know a lot of you are curious to know how it went. I'm a story teller and like to explain everything from the very beginning leading up to now, so apologies if it's really long. I'm in a super difficult position right now...because I've never had a girlfriend and not sure what the next step is so if everyone (and or new people) can message back some feedback/tips etc - that'd be AWESOME!

First of all, I'd like to apologise to the loveforum community/site and owners. I know I post quite a lot, but it's just when I need advice and not sure who to talk to - I like to think of this site as a place I can really vent, learn and gain advice from. I'd like to also apologise for possibly over-reacting on situations and confusing anyone reading this post.

OK basically....my nationality is British Indian (just so I dont confuse anyone). Over the course of the summer, I started to broaden my horizens and start messaging girls on social media. I started being flirty with a few girls, and two in particular I was really interested in. One of the girls I sort of scared her off as she thought I came across too strong (lesson learnt!) and one other girl I was always talking to recently started dating someone else. So aside from following and messaging girls from UK that I could potentially meet and date I also started following some people on Instagram (gonna shorten this to IG) to do with a specific indian traditional dance known all across the world (not bollywood but like it). So I started following more teams and dancers - one of which was this girl. Let's call her Paige (as I don't want to reveal real identitys). I found out from her IG posts that she was from New Zealand and she was in UK. I thought she was here for a competition so I messaged her to say Hi, welcome to UK etc (not flirty as I did previous). We started chatting and I gave her my Snapchat and eventually she gave me her number. We were talking about the dance, UK, Australia etc etc - basically just getting to know each other - with me throwing in a few jokes etc. She told me that she was here in UK to study for around 5 months. Theres a lot of events to do with the dance (club nights, comps etc) and I told her about it. She told me that her university doesn't plan a lot of social trips to these events, which was a big shame.

Anyways, a few weeks ago...I asked her to meet up with me. She was busy with uni and couldn't come. It wasn't a no...it was just that she was busy that week. Our conversation on whatsapp was sort of slow for a little while as again she was busy with uni. I then asked her around two weeks ago to meet up with me again and a day before I posted here she accepted and told me to meet her tomorrow. We made initial plans to meet in a city nearby for the both of us (as we dont study in the same city and our cities are around 1hr 30min train distance away). I freaked out and calmly accepted her proposal (hence why i posted to say im going on a date!!)

Around two hours before we scheduled to meet, I was going to the cash machine to get money for our date (as backup should my card not be accepted for strange reasons) and she told me that she couldnt come due to having to sort something out at university.

The next day, we were making arrangements to meet up later in the week. I told her I was going to a club night with my friends on a coach trip the very next day, and she could come with us. She accepted!.

I arranged to pick her up from the train station and I read all these messages. I was going to be confident, but as soon as I saw how drop dead gorgeous she was - I instantly started to be nervous the entire time I was with her and scared to be flirty/make a move on her.

I picked her up from the train station and I showed her my university and accommodation and introduced her to my friends also. We went for lunch near my university and of course i paid!. She thanked me for her food twice during our day. Our conversation was flowing very well, we were getting to know each other and both of us asked each other questions. So far, so good! Until the club night lol.

We were getting ready at my place (as she was staying at mine) and we headed out with my friends. Before we left, I told her she looked very pretty and we also took a selfie lol. We headed out, had a few drinks on the way there and our conversation was sort of slow as she was a little bit tired and was talking to her friends via whatsapp who live at home. She hung out with a few of my girl mates at the club and with me. I tried to dance with her a few times, but she paid no interest in me. Instead, I saw her and another girl on our coach dancing with two guys - I was very sad - but tried not to show it. We went back and she mentioned to me that me and her could stay up with my friends, play board games drink and chat all night. Instead she told me she was going to stay with another girl who lived nearby, which was ok to me as it would be a little awkward staying at mine considering she just met me earlier that day...and im a guy!

The next morning, I took her to the train station. we were both tired so our convo was slow. I mentioned to her that me and her could hang out again soon - but in a different city with lots more to do. She smiled when I mentioned it and when i asked her if that sounded ok - she said yes. Before getting on the train, I told her to msg me when she got back to her university town.

She never messaged me...only when I did later that day and when she did - she messaged to say "Thanks for the invite for the night out and introducing me to your friends". She also posted a photo on instagram with the girl whose place she stayed at...and didnt post a picture with me. She also went thru another of my girl mates photos on instagram and liked quite a few of hers lol (not like that matters haha).

Afterwards, I somehow got really upset of how everything worked out. I wasn't going to mention this on the site, but thought it was important to mention. That selfie I took was horrendous, as I dont take many selfies. I realised that my hair was a bit messy and for some reason when i take selfies one eye looks a little bigger than the other and maybe this is the reason she didnt like me. I know its easy to say "I'm ugly" but I was thinking i legit am and maybe this was the reason why. I dont know why bad thoughts always come into my head like this, but now that i've calmed down - i should be ok.

Yes I know shes only here for a few more months and lives very far away, but I'm determined to make it work with some-one who I'm attracted to and have TONS in common with.

I was planning to meet up with her next weekend as there is a big club night the following week after, which we are both going to. So with the info I provided the questions I have is this.

a) Is she romantically involved with me?
b) Is it bad I got jealous/sad that she didnt dance with me but two random guys for five mins?
c) Shall I be more flirty and such with her like I've been with other girls online?
d) Is it too soon to meet her next weekend?
e) Shall i be bothered about my eye thing?
f) What's the next step for me in my quest to find love?

Thank you for the read (i know it's long). But I well and truly appreciate a reply and feedback!

[pcmaster]

A) Dont looks like it
B) Its normal cause you like her and you are young inexperienced, so thats how you naturally feel. With more experience you will become cooler and it wont ruin your fun.
C) You should be how you want to be. Don't force yourself. Except if you want something to do then do it. Try not to plan ahead.
D) Its not too soon. If she likes you she will want to meet too.
E) You are too much concerned about looks. From the moment you open your mouth its more about personality than looks. If you cant change it dont think about it. If its not problem to you it wont be problem to girls too.
F) Dont concentrate on one girl in particular but focus getting good with girls in general. Then things will be easy. Chatting with girls online wont give you real life experience. Confidence comes from interactions with girl in real life. You could try talk with unknow good looking girls on the street or in nightclubs. Just to become better with girls in general.

Check out my guide too. Its about interacting with girls.

[url]https://www.loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85674-guide-interacting-girls.html[/url]
loveforum.net/the-relationship-news-and-articles/85674-guide-interacting-girls.html

[soccerguy987]

F) Dont concentrate on one girl in particular but focus getting good with girls in general. Then things will be easy. Chatting with girls online wont give you real life experience. Confidence comes from interactions with girl in real life. You could try talk with unknow good looking girls on the street or in nightclubs. Just to become better with girls in general.

Agreed. Face-to-face, I'm confident talking to random people, making new friends and generally being myself. It's just this one time i froze and was being nervous cos we were meeting for the very first time. I've felt talking to girls online is a lot different to face to face cos f2f girls will judge you on what you look like whereas girls online only see pictures and videos!


I'm just mad with myself cos I didn't make a proper move. Anyone think I could of scared her off if i did. Also, what do you think is a necessity when meeting her again next time?