I can't figure out what's going on, please help

[Melanie123]

Okay so I have a bit of a confusing situation and i really need advice. So, I started working at this bar a couple of months ago. I hit it off with one of my coworkers straight away and we began flirting a lot. Several people commented on it but I assumed nothing would ever happen due to the fact he is 7 years older than me. However, one night I was working and he wasn't but he was hanging out at the bar. He waited until I had finished my shift then he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink with him so I said yeah. He paid for all my drinks and we met some people he knew, one of whom commented on the fact that this guy seemed to have shaved and put on a nice shirt especially for me. Anyway, later on in the evening, my colleague kissed me. We were both a bit drunk but it felt great! He then took me back to his place and...well one thing lead to another. He kept saying how he wanted us to meet up again and when I said I had to go home, he kept trying to convince me to stay the night. Eventually, I did leave, and he even called me as I walked home to make sure I got back safe. I felt so happy and excited because I really like him and the whole night was so amazing and unexpected. But things were completely different the next day. He told me that he thought we should just be friends in order to keep things professional, which contradicted what he'd said the night before. Also, he's suddenly become very cool and distant, both in person and on social media. Also I have noticed he has suddenly started flirting with girls in front of me and stuff, almost as though he is trying to make me jealous? I have been playing it cool as I don't want him to see that I care but I feel very hurt and confused as I don't understand why he has Suddenly changed ! I know he gets a lot of female attention but it feels like he's purposely trying to make me feel jealous and like he's trying to make me chase him? I am confused because he initiated the kissing and everything else so why is he suddenly acting like he doesn't like me, when he clearly liked me enough to take me back to his place after pursuing me for a couple of months...does he like me and just trying to get a reaction or is he bad news? I need to know as I don't want to waste time on someone who's just going to mess me around. And what should I do? How should I act? I really need advice!

[solarion]

Think you should create distance from him. He sounds like a player.

Was this intended to go in the teenagers forum?

[Wakeup]

He was only pursuing you to get you drunk and take you back to his bed. That was the game. Since the "game" has now come to a conclusion and the goal of the game has been met, he no longer wants to play.

You may want to hold off on fvking a guy upon the first date and when he's not shown you in any action that he values you for more then the orgasm you can give him... that is a good strategy for people like yourself that believe that sex means a guy likes you. All it means is that he is sexually attracted to you. He doesn't even have to like you to be that.

If I were you, I would continue to be a friendly and coy work-mate while you do your own flirting with men who come to the bar (since that is what will get You lots of tips) and if/when he ever tries to bed you again, you tell him "sorry, but you didn't sexually satisfy me, so I'll pass but I'm glad we are able to put it all behind us and not have it awkward while at work." Then sashay off without looking back.

Stop expecting sex to garner you a boyfriend. It usually will not.

[MeetMeOnLevel4]

It's hard to tell what his true intentions are but it is probable that he wasn't completely being honest the first night about what he wanted. Just continue to be yourself but be careful in general because his behavior probably means that he is not mature enough to be himself and therefore probably is not someone you want to take seriously. Does that make sense?

[Melanie123]

Firstly I do not believe that having sex will get me love or anything like that; it was just one of those things that happened, I have never done anything like that before and I don't plan on doing so again. Also, I find it difficult to believe that he doesn't care at all as his behavior that night and leading up to that night was quite thoughtful and kind, and we have been growing close and liking each other for a few months so he must value me slightly more than on sexual level. I talked to a male friend of mine and he seems to think that my colleague would not have gone to such effort if he just wanted sex; he is very popular with girls and would have had plenty of other options so it seems a little silly to persue the person (me) who is actually the most inconvenient and risky option. Also, my male friend said maybe my colleague' s ego is a little bruised considering I didn't stay the night like he'd asked me to. He also said that if I'm playing it cool, he probably assumes I'm not interested. This does make some sense to me as the guy is quite a proud guy and I could imagine that I might be giving off the vibe that I'm not interested as it tends to be my gut reaction. Seeing as a male friend said all this, I feel it is worth bearing in mind considering he knows more about the male mind than I do.

[Wakeup]

Firstly I do not believe that having sex will get me love or anything like that;

Sure you do because now you expect that he should keep pursuing you. If you didn't, you wouldn't care that he isn't.

it was just one of those things that happened, I have never done anything like that before and I don't plan on doing so again.

Well, then it at least taught you something about yourself. No regrets, just move on from your expectations and call it a day.

Also, I find it difficult to believe that he doesn't care at all as his behavior that night and leading up to that night was quite thoughtful and kind, and we have been growing close and liking each other for a few months so he must value me slightly more than on sexual level.

Then why the fvck do you think he's not still pursuing you, being nice to you, or flirting with you anymore? My guess is because he deosn't want you thinking that sex will garner you a commitment from him.

I talked to a male friend of mine and he seems to think that my colleague would not have gone to such effort if he just wanted sex;

And your friend is just telling you what you want to hear which makes him not all that good of a friend to go to for advice if all he's going to tell you is the exact opposite of what the guy in question is actually showing you in post-coital actions.

he is very popular with girls and would have had plenty of other options so it seems a little silly to persue the person (me) who is actually the most inconvenient and risky option.

Sister... guys like him put caution to the wind. Like I said, its all about the chase and the conquer. The more gals he can chase and conquer, the better. The very fact he has lots of options is more reason (in his mind) for him NOT to settle down with one "option."

Also, my male friend said maybe my colleague' s ego is a little bruised considering I didn't stay the night like he'd asked me to.

lol... yea, like that's going to bruise his ego so bad that he doesn't bother even talking to you now. Listen, he just wanted you to stay so he could get one more pork in, in the morning.

He also said that if I'm playing it cool, he probably assumes I'm not interested. This does make some sense to me as the guy is quite a proud guy and I could imagine that I might be giving off the vibe that I'm not interested as it tends to be my gut reaction.

If you're so sure of that, then change up your ways and give off a vibe that you want to be with him again. Keep in mind that doing that STILL WON'T get you a commitment from him.

Seeing as a male friend said all this, I feel it is worth bearing in mind considering he knows more about the male mind than I do.

You do know that one male mind is completely different then another male's mind, right? They, (males) are not all one giant mind collective that all think and act the same way.

If your friend is not a player, if your friend is monogamous by nature and if your friend is not a ball-freak like your FB seems to be, then he wouldn't know THAT particular male mind unless he's studied "players" and they're particular psyche's and popular modus operendi.

What I'm saying is all just food for thought but going by this douche's actions, this isn't about his ego being bruised or you giving off a "not-interested" vibe. This is about him not wanting anything serious with you but if you're willing to be his Fvck-buddy, then I'm sure, in time, he will hit you up again for more action.

[melancholia]

What I'm saying is all just food for thought but going by this douche's actions, this isn't about his ego being bruised or you giving off a "not-interested" vibe. This is about him not wanting anything serious with you but if you're willing to be his Fvck-buddy, then I'm sure, in time, he will hit you up again for more action.

Everything Wakeup has said in their last post is spot on and exactly what I was thinking.

We've all been there. We've all wanted someone so badly that we miss the signals that prove they aren't the best option for us. Men will say a lot of things if they think it will get them laid. They do it all the time. It's happened to me many, many times. What you do is brush it off, consider it a fun time, and move on. Stop wasting your time and energy on trying to figure out what this means. All it means is you slept together and that's it. End of story. Men do not ignore women they are interested in. They just don't.

[smackie9]

Tell him that it was an amazing evening and you thought it was the start of something special. Then say oh well your loss, then walk away.

[basilandthyme]

I know you want to believe he cares, but his current actions say otherwise.

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