Last post I made about this sort of issue I was told to stop feeling sorry for myself so this time I'm really hoping someone can sympathise with me a bit and give more constructive advice?
There's a guy at work whom I have hopelessly fell in love with. I just don't know how to read him and I wish I could just ask knowing he will answer. But I know he won't answer.
It all started about a year ago and many times since I thought it was temporary and that I could deal with it.
We had a bit of a fling that lasted 3 months or so, but there was no sex, no touching, nothing too intimate. The most we did was kiss and this may sound pathetic, but trust me, it was like a scene out of a cheesy movie, where you get hit right in the heart by a cupid's arrow. Being with him was the most amazing thing ever and from what he used to say, being with me was the same for him too. Well, at least for some time.
We realised we couldn't keep on going like that. OK, I did- because we're both in relationships. I wasn't comfortable with it. He said to me he wanted to get to know me and see where it'd go.. but I stopped it before it got there.
6 months later I'm here crying my heart out every night because I miss him so much. I see him at work everyday. I can see he looks at me, I can feel the chemistry (never had anything like that happen before, I'm 34). When we "split" I told him I will never message him again unless he wants me too. But he will just send me a message at work, randomly, out of the blue, just giving me some updates about things he doesn't share with anyone else (family related stuff, he's not naturally the one for sharing). Then he will go quiet. But he looks at me and I shiver when he does and he knows I do.
But this is slowly killing me, I suffer and whatever I've tried so far to get rid of the thoughts of him has failed. I know I love him, I just don't want to love him. I want to get on with my life but I can't. When I go to bed and close my eyes he is there.. he is there constantly and it's starting to cause me pain.
How do I stop loving him?