I still love, care, and want him but then I don't?

[treehugger101]

I have only had 4 the fourth being my current relationship, but 4 relationships that were serious, one of these 4 relationships, lasted 3 years, the longest I had ever been with someone. I truly did love and care for this guy, so much so that I purposed to him. But in the end he had told me our time was dead and gone, I was a bitch, and he was tired of me and my ways, plus he wanted to live his life, being 25 years old, drinking, partying, etc. When we first dated he did drink, party, but he stopped while dating me, then when we broke up he wanted to return to that lifestyle, and he had a choice, he could be with me and not do that stuff anymore, or he could do that stuff and not be with me. It turns out he picked that stuff over me. After him and I broke up in 2011, I was single up until this year in 2015, through that time span, I never had another Boyfriend until this year. But I did date during that time span, dating different guys here and there, seeing if any of them will click. There were guys I was happy with and liked a lot. Then when I met my current Boyfriend, I was happy and did like him, but after him and I got into fights on and off, saw each other only a little bit, among other issues, my liking and happiness for him weakened. During our fights or us not spending time together so much, I would cry and think back to my ex-boyfriend of 3 years, in how I loved that time him and I shared. I began comparing the two, but then also thought about how much I wanted my ex back. I still love and care for him and want him back. BUT here is the thing, I do want that but then again I do not want that, because since our break up, one of my friends and myself included, did see his social media profiles, and see that he moved on from me, he is now married, has kids of his own, and is happy with this new partner. IF he did get a divorce and ever come back to me, I would not want him, because 1. He has kids. 2. I don't want kids period. 3. He drinks and partys. 4. I don't like drinkers, partyers, smokers, druggies. So he isn't the guy for me, but then again as I said I do still care and love him. I really don't know what to do. My current Boyfriend says I am cheating on him because I still love and care for my ex. My Boyfriend says since I am not giving him my full undivided attention. I again really don't know what to do, please help.

[solarion]

Your ex is not only gone, but he's married and you're still pining away for him? That almost surely means that your needs are not being met in your current relationship. Figure out what is not working for you, why you cannot let go of the past, fix it, or let the guy you're with now go. You're not being fair to him or yourself.

[treehugger101]

Thats the thing, I do not know what is not working and why I can't let go or how to fix this.

[basilandthyme]

Thats the thing, I do not know what is not working and why I can't let go or how to fix this.

Re-read your previous posts. They detail everything which is wrong in your relationship. You've had countless suggestions on how to fix what's wrong. Though most of them do involve accepting that your current boyfriend is not the one for you.

[solarion]

Re-read your previous posts. They detail everything which is wrong in your relationship. You've had countless suggestions on how to fix what's wrong. Though most of them do involve accepting that your current boyfriend is not the one for you.

I think her previous posts about the current bf can likely be summed up as "I don't respect him" and "I stay with him because he keeps me from being alone".

[treehugger101]

I do respect my Boyfriend and if him and I break up, I don't care if I am single.

[basilandthyme]

I do respect my Boyfriend and if him and I break up, I don't care if I am single.

The way you just described how you fight with him shows absolute disrespect for him.