How can I get over the guy I've liked for over a year?

[chanandaler_bon]

There's this guy that I met about a year ago. (I checked my journal and it was literally 1 year and 1 week ago.) We go to the same school.

Even before I met him, like from the moment I saw him, I've just been into him. I don't know what it is, but ever since we officially met, I haven't been able to get him out of my head.

We flirted a little bit in a group chat this summer. However, I've seen him a lot around school since it started back up, and we haven't said a word to each other. I'm scared as hell to talk to him because boys give me anxiety.

I have checked his Twitter and gotten a little turned off by some stuff, but I literally get over it in a couple days. I dream about him often. My heart drops to my stomach when I hear his name. Something about him just seems right, but I'm too scared to do anything, so please. Help me to make this end.

Thanks in advance.

[megvoh]

What on his Twitter turned you off?
You can't get over him if you keep stalking his online profiles. That only keeps you more interested or obsessed with thoughts of him.

If you think there is no chance for you both to date at all ever tell yourself you need to look elsewhere because longing for this dude will keep you blind to even better boys that would be right for you.
So closing your eyes to him will help you open your eyes to other boys.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, at this point my question would be why venture to get over him? At least at this stage. From what you've shared with us, it sounds like you've never yet bothered to take the chance to talk to him more. Don't get me wrong, I of all people know how hard that can be. If you are shy, it can feel darn near impossible. I have the exact same problem trying to get myself to talk to women if/when I have a crush.

I also know that, traditionally, the guy tends to make the first move. In this case, though, he hasn't. Does that mean he's not interested in you? It may, but it also may not. Maybe the thought of asking you out just never crossed his mind. So, why don't you try talking to him a little more? I know that is hard to do for us shy folks, but there's no other way you will get a feel for whether or not he seems to enjoy your company.

If things go well enough, you may even consider asking him out yourself. Maybe he'll say yes, maybe he'll say no, but either way at least you will know. Take it from a guy who has always been too shy in the past to take that chance. (The sucky thing is I feel different these days, like I finally could make myself go for it.... but these days I don't really have any "prospects" so to speak.) You will regret it much more never taking a chance than you would if you take that chance and get rejected.

Yes, rejection will suck, yes it will hurt, but in the end you will only be stronger for it. You will have finally taken a chance, and it will be easier and easier to do.

But, to answer your actual question, unfortunately time and distance is all that will really help you to get over somebody. I hope you are able to give yourself a chance, but if you either never bring yourself to do so, or you do and it doesn't go well, all that will really heal you is time and distance. In time, your feelings for him will fade, and you'll notice somebody else. Trust me, I would understand if you cannot bring yourself to talk to him. If you just find it too daunting. I hope you can find it in yourself to give it a shot, but if not there is no judgment on my part.

I've lived my whole life with a terrible combination. I'm an extremely romantic guy (believing in true love, wanting to find my special gal, all that stuff), but too damn shy to ever take a chance. It seems I always have a crush on some girl (other than when I actually am in a relationship, in which case I'm a one woman guy), yet I've always been too shy to do anything about it. It isn't easy, but I am just really starting to get over that now. So, it CAN be done. Good luck to you either way.

[chanandaler_bon]

What on his Twitter turned you off?
You can't get over him if you keep stalking his online profiles. That only keeps you more interested or obsessed with thoughts of him.

If you think there is no chance for you both to date at all ever tell yourself you need to look elsewhere because longing for this dude will keep you blind to even better boys that would be right for you.
So closing your eyes to him will help you open your eyes to other boys.

On his Twitter, I saw that he is friends with a lot of pretty girls, and it made me a little jealous. Okay, no, a lot jealous. It sounds petty, but maybe 50% of his Twitter is lowkey flirting with girls. And his favorites are full of just a bunch girls' selfies.

Okay, just writing that out makes me turned off again. But the second I see his smile, it goes away. Ugh.

Anyways, I always try to look for other guys. In fact, I met a couple cute guys on a cruise this summer, and we got along pretty well. However, after a couple of hours of hanging out with them, I was back on my phone reading through the old group chat with him and staring at pictures of him. I need him. Like, professional help lol.

I've always turned my attention to my school work when I have problems in my life. This problem is no different. I've actually held my position as first in my class this past year, even wirh him on my mind 24/7.

Thank you, though. I will try my hardest to ignore my idiotic feelings and look for other guys.

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Well, at this point my question would be why venture to get over him? At least at this stage. From what you've shared with us, it sounds like you've never yet bothered to take the chance to talk to him more. Don't get me wrong, I of all people know how hard that can be. If you are shy, it can feel darn near impossible. I have the exact same problem trying to get myself to talk to women if/when I have a crush.

I also know that, traditionally, the guy tends to make the first move. In this case, though, he hasn't. Does that mean he's not interested in you? It may, but it also may not. Maybe the thought of asking you out just never crossed his mind. So, why don't you try talking to him a little more? I know that is hard to do for us shy folks, but there's no other way you will get a feel for whether or not he seems to enjoy your company.

If things go well enough, you may even consider asking him out yourself. Maybe he'll say yes, maybe he'll say no, but either way at least you will know. Take it from a guy who has always been too shy in the past to take that chance. (The sucky thing is I feel different these days, like I finally could make myself go for it.... but these days I don't really have any "prospects" so to speak.) You will regret it much more never taking a chance than you would if you take that chance and get rejected.

Yes, rejection will suck, yes it will hurt, but in the end you will only be stronger for it. You will have finally taken a chance, and it will be easier and easier to do.

But, to answer your actual question, unfortunately time and distance is all that will really help you to get over somebody. I hope you are able to give yourself a chance, but if you either never bring yourself to do so, or you do and it doesn't go well, all that will really heal you is time and distance. In time, your feelings for him will fade, and you'll notice somebody else. Trust me, I would understand if you cannot bring yourself to talk to him. If you just find it too daunting. I hope you can find it in yourself to give it a shot, but if not there is no judgment on my part.

I've lived my whole life with a terrible combination. I'm an extremely romantic guy (believing in true love, wanting to find my special gal, all that stuff), but too damn shy to ever take a chance. It seems I always have a crush on some girl (other than when I actually am in a relationship, in which case I'm a one woman guy), yet I've always been too shy to do anything about it. It isn't easy, but I am just really starting to get over that now. So, it CAN be done. Good luck to you either way.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!

I really wish I could talk to him, but I overthink everything. Somehow I've worked out that if I text him, he will show his friends and they'll have a good laugh about it, and when I see him in the halls, we'll try hard not to make eye contact and it will just be terrible. I hate that I feel this way because I really don't believe he would show anyone. It's just that there's some minuscule possibility, and that is what keeps me away. I hate it.

What I'm going to do is talk to my friends that started the group chat with him this summer. I never told either of them that I liked him, but the one with common sense figured it out herself. Maybe she can help my get over the nerves or something so I can talk to him. Or she will help me get over him, I don't know. She has bad social anxiety, but she has a boyfriend, so I trust her advice.

I will definitely entertain the idea of talking to him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it, but I will think about it a couple thousand times a day lol.

I feel like I will finally get up the courage to go up to him at the 10 year class reunion when I'm a little tipsy so I can confess my undying love to him. (Definitely an overreaction, but that's where I am in my life right now.)

Once again, thank you for this response. Hearing a guy's perspective on this kind of gave me a sense of reality. Thank you thank you thank you!

[Lwalter]

There are 2 possibilities to this. None of them will be easy, but you have to do it since you don't feel good because of this.
1. You try to talk to him and see if he's interested.
2. You forget him and start to meet other guys.
Either way, you have to start to try to get over your anxiety. It will not be easy, but there are several books and other sources online that can help you.
Good luck!

[TheEvilJester]

Oh God, I know just how you feel. All the silly, ridiculous things we convince ourselves in our mind is going to happen. For me, I always imagine the girl acting really awkward and obviously miffed that I would even dare to talk to her, much less ask her out. It's stupid really because A) even if they aren't interested, most women will at least appreciate it/be flattered enough to be polite in saying no thank you and B) if I asked a girl out and she was super rude about it, what does it really matter anyway? All it means is I lucked out by not going out with such a rude prick. Sure, I suffer the embarrassment and rejection, but I'll live.

So, yeah, believe me, I understand all the completely irrational things you tell yourself in your own mind. So, since I know how hard it is to be rational for yourself, allow me to be your rational voice here.....

He's not going to laugh with his friends about you, or make a joke out of you asking him out. (Besides, if he DOES do something like that, then he's a jerk and you deserve better anyway.) I mean, I am not him, nor am I a mind reader, so I can't say if he'll be interested or not. However, most likely the worst thing that will happen is that he'll say no. Believe me, I know that feels bad enough, but that really isn't such a big deal. At least then you know. Knowing is better than torturing yourself wondering,

With all that said, and again clarifying that I understand how this is so much easier said than done.....

You really should either:

A) Make a move soon and go for it or

B) Decide you aren't going to pursue him and therefore forget him, move on, and find other guys to date.

Take it from somebody who knows. If you keep waiting and waiting, meanwhile you are still thinking about him night and day, you will just continue to torture yourself with doubt. Think of it this way. If you talk to him, it goes well, and you two start dating, wouldn't that be so much more awesome then spending a while longer just wishing you could be with him? And, Hell, on the flip side, if you try to talk to him/ask him out and it doesn't go well, then you can move on all that much sooner and eventually find a guy who will appreciate you.

I think what you need to realize is that YOU are a catch. He's just another human being, just like you. As much as you feel you'd be lucky to be with him.... well, guess what.... He'd be lucky to be with you too. If he doesn't see that or isn't interested, then that is his loss, and eventually it will be some other guy's gain. So, why not go for it and take a chance. You never know. Maybe things will go well and future you would be kicking past you in the cheeks for not doing something sooner. Or, maybe it won't go well, but at least you'll be able to move on and find yourself a guy who will be interested.

Good luck, friend.