Well, so much for love.....

[solarion]

Who says I'm building my life around it?

He says in post [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=90]#90[/URL] of his dismissive thread called "Well, so much for love....." Aren't you 24?

these people hate you so much they would go to such extremes to keep you away from them.

What people? What hate? I got indifference from your story, I didn't detect any hatred...but then I didn't think her behavior was all that extreme either, just rude and self-involved.

It's gotten to the point where I just don't worry about what to think, I just do whatever seems right to me.

Sounds like the only way to be.

[TheEvilJester]

I've never met this "Johnny Normal-Guy" character, but I see your point. I take your point to be that we're looking at this from two different perspectives and that does seem to be the case. Perhaps for our perspectives to converge, in your analogy, you'd have to empty your closet and keep it that way for some while to see how futile it is to put things in there in the first place.

Sort of, yeah. I think that is a good analogy for it. For guys like tampitump and myself, that closet becomes too damn full and it becomes too daunting to deal with it. So, stuff bothers us when other people could maybe just brush it off because it has just become so common place for us that it is starting to affect how we see ourselves, and affect our general mood. The only way to really fix that is to clean out that metaphorical closet. To finally let all that crap go and admit "You know what, I DON'T deserve that, and I'm going to stop allowing myself to be treated like I do deserve it." I, myself, have come a LONG way in that. Tampitump, I am hoping you can find the strength to do the same.

The girl certainly did not appear to be havig a bad day when I first walked up. But then again, it's possible my perception of reality is distorted or perhaps markedly different conpared to everyone else and maybe she was actually very upset and sad.

You know something? We can make excuses all we want for this person's reprehensible behavior, but I can't say that ANY excuse makes it okay in the slightest. I don't care if she WAS having a bad day, that doesn't excuse her for being so rude to you without you doing anything whatsoever to provoke such a reaction. Even if she just had the most terrible day in the world where she lost her job, her boyfriend dumped her, her dog died, her mother disowned her, etc. that still doesn't excuse her actions towards you, especially given that you'd not done anything to provoke such a reaction. Hell... .you'd not done ANYTHING at all but approach her.

Anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter. SHE doesn't matter. I wouldn't waste another millisecond of thought on her if I were you. It is much more important to start to realize that you DON'T deserve to be treated that way, and that anybody who would treat you like that is somebody you don't need in your life anyway.

Trust me, though, I really do understand how you feel. I understand the soul crushing feeling of all of this kind of crap making you start to doubt yourself. That nagging feeling of "What the Hell must be wrong with me?" when what you should be thinking is "What the Hell must be wrong with all these other people..... and you know what? I don't care what is wrong with them. F them straight to Hell."

You know what really messes you up? Have you ever had somebody you thought was a good friend suddenly pull a 180 on you and treat you in the same poor manner as all those other random a-holes? Like, in other words, somebody acts like your good friend but then suddenly one day they act like they can't stand you. You drive yourself crazy over-analyzing everything and cannot understand what the Hell you could have done to cause them to suddenly change their attitude so radically.

I've been through that a lot myself, and that messes you up even more. As if you aren't already dealing with enough $h*t from feeling like a freak as it is, the few people you DO consider a friend suddenly start turning on you and you SWEAR you've not done anything to cause it. It starts to mess with your head and make you wonder what the Hell could be wrong with you. The truth, though, is there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with me, that causes people to do things like that. There is very much something wrong with THEM. There is a special circle of Hell designed just for sacks of crap like that.

The good news is, not everybody is like that. Folks like us somehow seem to be a magnet for pieces of festering excrement like those "humans." The trick is learning to better identify them, and learning to better realize that, when you made the mistake of accidentally letting one into your life and things have now gone wrong with them, you need to ditch them like a bad habit. No need to dwell on what did you do wrong, or what is wrong with you because the answer to both is NOTHING. They are the one who is messed up, and they don't deserve you.

It's the Dr. Cox philosophy on life. People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. So, we just have to stop letting the bastards stick around and keep only the people who influence our lives positively.

[tampitump]

Solarion, I envy your lack of feelings, emotion, or a soul, and your ability to look at things as "welp, it is what it is." I wish I could be that numb to feelings, I really do. No joke at all!

I think there are two types of people, desirables and undesirables. The desirables live life, always easy to make friends and make conversation everywhere they go. People inherently show them respect. They usually are good or at least normal looking and confident. They are almost always more inclined and able to succeed. The undesirables on the other hand are the ones born with issues. We're the ones people bully and make fun of. We seem to never be able to make friends, and people usually use us as examples of what they don't want to be or look like.

Perhaps they're right. Maybe there is a reason for this divide. I think maybe it ties into evolution or "survival of the fittest", but adapted for humans. Ostracize and prevent the "duds" from procreating. Make them feel bad for being who they are and maybe they'll kill themselves off. It is natural for people to make fun and bully our type. I believe maybe they should just routinely kill off the undesirables. The ones who are ugly, less than intelligent, strange, or impared. Let the beautiful and smart live. Get rid of the bad genes.

Instead of bullying, why not just solve the problem? Get rid of us.

[solarion]

Solarion, I envy your lack of feelings, emotion, or a soul, and your ability to look at things as "welp, it is what it is." I wish I could be that numb to feelings, I really do. No joke at all!

Make no mistake, it is not a lack of empathy that motivates me...it is a lack of respect for those that choose to inflict suffering upon themselves. I've near boundless compassion for genuine victims of circumstance.

I'm a victim of bullies...woe is me!

I pass.

The desirables live life, always easy to make friends and make conversation everywhere they go. People inherently show them respect.

The undesirables on the other hand are the ones born with issues.

What a bunch of bs excuses to not bother trying. Nobody is "inherently" shown respect and nobody is "born" thinking the way you do. Children are emotionally perfect...they learn dysfunction through years of emotional trauma, the most egregious of which is nearly always self-inflicted.

[pcmaster]

[MENTION=81206]solarion[/MENTION] stop. You are just wasting time. If you cant give love then dont bother, it wont change anything anyway.
Guy is not in a mood for change but he is here just for a rant. In other words I see someone who is not looking for solution of his problems but is just wanting to feel better.

[tampitump]

The people like you who say that really have no compassion or feelings. Sorry, you just don't. You haven't the slightest clue of what depression does to a person.

Even though I never said this like you're claiming I did, I'll go a step further and say yes, woe IS me! Do you have a problem with that? My life has been shit since I was old enough to even remember. I've always been undermined, belittled, bullied for how I look and just for my overall self, girls would never talk to me. Not because I was unconfident (I tried), but because I just wasn't good enough for anyone. To this day I still try to display confidence and a carefree attitude in public settings, but I'm still belittled.

I'm sorry Solarion, you have your good points SOMETIMES, but you really just don't know what you're talking about on most everything you've said.

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[MENTION=81206]solarion[/MENTION] stop. You are just wasting time. If you cant give love then dont bother, it wont change anything anyway.
Guy is not in a mood for change but he is here just for a rant. In other words I see someone who is not looking for solution of his problems but is just wanting to feel better.

Thank you.

[solarion]

The people like you <snip>

lol You do not know me. If you did then you'd know how utterly ridiculous the remainder of your words are.

Alright bud, as you made no effort to address anything I actually said, I will let you be to wallow in your self-pity. Please continue to troll your own thread and collect unto yourself those that choose to reinforce your victim complex.

[basilandthyme]

[MENTION=81206]solarion[/MENTION] stop. You are just wasting time. If you cant give love then dont bother, it wont change anything anyway.
Guy is not in a mood for change but he is here just for a rant. In other words I see someone who is not looking for solution of his problems but is just wanting to feel better.

While you're 100% correct in your view of what Tamp is wanting - it's also worth noting that this is an advice forum. Most people are here because they want to help people find the direction to help themselves feel better. If Tamp doesn't want advice, then perhaps he's better off finding a "living with depression" board or similar.

It's unrealistic to go to an advice forum and expect people to not give advice.

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I think there are two types of people, desirables and undesirables. The desirables live life, always easy to make friends and make conversation everywhere they go. People inherently show them respect. They usually are good or at least normal looking and confident. They are almost always more inclined and able to succeed. The undesirables on the other hand are the ones born with issues. We're the ones people bully and make fun of. We seem to never be able to make friends, and people usually use us as examples of what they don't want to be or look like.
.

People are not binary. Yes, there are people who are highly desirable and those who are shunned by society. But the majority of people fall in between those two categories.

I'm an inbetweener. My hobbies and interests are not mainstream. I'm very much an introvert. And it can be difficult finding conversation points when I have little in common with people and want to go home anyway. But I fake interest in small talk at parties and I have a small group of people who like the same things as me and who don't think I'm weird.

So yeah, I'm neither highly desirable nor someone who gets rejected constantly. Try to open your eyes and see all those wonderful variations of humankind around you.

[solarion]

When this thread was silent, the OP began threadjacking to whine about his problems and draw attention to and for himself. Check his post history if you don't believe me. When there is attention here he attacks those that post genuine solutions. Hardly the behavior of a content social leper, who at the ripe age of 24 knows all there is to know about depression and is happy to silently punish himself. This is a sentiment that has been echoed in this very thread more than once. While it may make some feel good(about themselves) to offer support and understanding it has a less than zero chance of helping the OP and merely reinforces dysfunctional self-destructive behavior.

[tampitump]

Ok, I'll go away. This is afterall not a depression forum.

[pcmaster]

If you would respect other people time trying to help you and reply to every post and at least do 1% advice given to you in real life your life would be much better.

I found a video that could help you. It explains why its good to do emotionally most difficult things.

youtube.com/watch?v=ayEoiU5MOg4

[ragnos2012]

Honestly this whole thread is BS. Really it come down to making a choice, whether bad or good. My question would be are you trying to date girls who on a scale 1-10 are usually ranked 8-10 in looks, cause I know alot of guys who are extremely shallow and honestly think they deserve a beautiful girl. Now granted far from me to tell you that you cant have one, but in reality if your 1-7 in looks it will be hard to pick one those girls up. Girls usually on a shallow level only date equal or usually above. The only way to win a girl who is higher in the scales of looks, is simply personality. Girls like confidence, but not arrogance. They like someone who listens, but at the same time can challenge them and be a man. But really the one thing that usually wins them over is fun and laughter. If you can show a girl a fun time and make experiences one of a kind, she'll hold you to a new standard, where you'll be the bar thats set for people dating her. Girls might choose hot guys, but at the end of the day if those guys are all about themselves and just lazy and boring. She'll get sick of it. Though considering everything you wrote ur a depressive introvert, I honestly recommend seeing a therapist and hell maybe being medicated for somethings. But let me tell you something, middle school to high school was hell for me. I was extremely shy around women and let a girl back in 6th grade make me believe i wasnt good enough. What pisses me off to this day is, alot of girls hit on me, and i brushed them aside cause i felt wasnt good enough or they were messing with me. I didnt have my first kiss til 21, or lose my viginity til 22. But you know what changed me. I had a bad situation that happened to me. That made me reevaluate my life. Im in control of what I want, and so I decided that my motto would be whatever I was afraid I would face it head on. That I would keep trying. And once the light switch was flipped everything fell into place. If I knew what I know now. Everything would a been so easy. The other thing is you got to stop caring about getting hurt. Pain is a way of life, and those who are strong can overcome it and be better for facing it. I have suffered much pain, many traumatic situations in my life from family, friends, exs, being in prison from the age of 18 to 20, having my life totally ****ed up. And yet I overcame all the adversity, nearly 29 now and I have nice place, good friends, car, and decent job. I have all these things because I made a choice to fight for my life and prove people wrong. My only fear is soleran is right and ur just one those people who want attention, rather then take action like a man and take ur life into ur hands and make it better. You can cry all you want, cause really I don't care what happens to you. I don't care if your alone to the age of 80. But I think if you got the balls, prove your a man and change your life, or stfu, cause most of these people have giving you sound advice whether you wanted it or not. But they choose to care about ur situation, the honorable thing to do would be to at least reevaluate ur life. Ur only 24 man, ur life isnt over yet. All it takes is trying and making a choice.

[pcmaster]

The other thing is you got to stop caring about getting hurt. Pain is a way of life, and those who are strong can overcome it and be better for facing it. I have suffered much pain, many traumatic situations in my life from family, friends, exs, being in prison from the age of 18 to 20, having my life totally ****ed up. And yet I overcame all the adversity, nearly 29 now and I have nice place, good friends, car, and decent job.

Thats a cool story, Ragnos. Inspiring too. Very useful point you made about pain.

What I like is that you got into prison at 18 but had your first kiss at 21. Very original order for things to happen. How did you get in prison?

[ragnos2012]

Was a troubled teenager. Used to be very violent as a kid. Get into fights, depressed over my life not being what I wanted it to be. Would get in trouble for being a thief or vandalist. But what was the last straw was honestly something stupid. I was never a saint as a kid, but went to a party and some guy thought it would be funny to throw a big rock at my car window and bust it out. The easiest ways to set me off back then was hitting me, spitting on me or destroying my stuff. So i grabbed my baseball bat out of my trunk and hit him in the face and other places. Got a aggravated assault over it. Probably would have gotten off light, but had already gotten a slap on the hand back when i was 16 for choking out and beating the hell out of my little brother for spitting in my face. But yeah went to prison over it cause i had to much of a history for violence. Funny thing is im more of a pacifist today. But then again I eventually realized where my anger stemmed from and choose to forgive those aspects of my life and move on. The moment you let someone get u angry, upset, sad, or anything, is the moment you give your energy and control to someone else. And I hate being controlled by anyone, so the best thing to regain control is to forgive. Not to quote the bible too much, but if theres one thing you can take from it, is that it teaches forgiveness at the core and acceptance. Without those you cannot enter heaven. Because a man who judges harshly, will be judged the same when its his time, just as a compassionate forgiving man, will be judged the same when its his as well. Food for fact.

[TheEvilJester]

Here's the thing, tampitump,

It's the unfortunate truth that the main thing it is going to take for all this to change is a change in your attitude. And, please DO NOT misunderstand me. I DO NOT mean that to sound like "You need to change your attitude, punk." I do not mean that to sound belittling of your problems, nor do I mean it to point the finger of blame at you. Trust me, I have been where you are. I feel your pain. Honest to God, I 100% understand. The bottom line is, life DID NOT give you a fair shake. I've been there too.

Sometimes people give you advice, and they honestly do mean well, but their advice basically boils down to "just get over it" and only proves that they simply do not get it. Yes, the start of solving these problems has to come from within you, but I think what a lot of people don't quite understand is how hard that is for guys like you and me. When we've lived with this crap since we can first remember being aware of the world around us, just how exactly are we supposed to just cast all that off and decide to be positive and happy when misery has been our life?

But, as difficult as it is to start to make that transition, unfortunately the beginning of the fight comes from within. Do you know what started to turn it around for me? When I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! When I decided I DO NOT deserve this, and I'm going to stop letting this happen to me. Easier said than done, I know, but it must be done to start to make those changes.

The big difference is using all of those terrible experiences to build yourself into a stronger person. I have suffered through a lot of crap in my life similar to what you describe, and you know something? Through it all, I learned two things above all others....

1) I don't deserve it.
2) I REFUSE to give up.

I wouldn't change a thing that has happened to me because it has made me the man I am today. Surviving all of that crap has made me stronger than I could have ever asked to be. Trust me, that isn't to say I am the model of a perfect human being. FAR from it. I've still got my issues and I've still got a lot to work on toward being happy. I still deal with a lot of the same crap now and then, but I've become better equipped to deal with it. Every time I am torn to shreds, I survive it and come back feeling stronger than ever.

I know this is not easy, but if you can make that transition and survive all of this.... what can't you survive?

Maybe you aren't motivated right now to change all this. I can understand that. I wish you could find that strength, but I know from experience that nothing anybody can say can move you if you do not see the light at the end of the tunnel yourself. I hope some day you do find that hope, though, because you do not deserve to live like this. Good luck to you.