Met new boyfriend's two daughters,one is shy

[audreyh]

I have been through through therapy after what happened after what happened to me 2 years ago.One of Robert's pet peeves is a man treating a woman wrong and he hates that

[Wakeup]

That is only one aspect of things. You don't know him well enough to have met his daughters or for you to have introduced your son to him. He could have any type of issue that you have not known him long enough to have sussed out. Same for him not knowing you long enough to suss out anything other then the honeymoon stage with you.

I hope that you are still in therapy and that you discuss better dating strategies with your therapist.

Why did this man's first marriage end?
Why did you stay with your ex until he nearly killed you?
Why did you have a child with a man that beat the living lights out of you?
Why are you jumping into this relationship so quickly without taking the time to get to know the man before you force yourselves on your children?

So many other issues that you would do well to be discussing with your therapist.

- - - Updated - - -

You've already met them and your son has met him. I suggest you don't try to force one big happy family at this point. Date Robert and leave the children out of it until your relationship isn't in the first trimester.... Like in a year from now when/if you've both discovered that the honeymoon stage is over and you're both still able to function respectfully and with love towards one another after the pink glasses come off.

[Nicolelong]

Wow. I HAD to read the other posts first because I was curious to see if as many alarms went off in others' heads as well.

When I first started reading your post, I assumed that you had been with him for a LOT longer than a month. WHY in the world are you meeting each other's children at this point???? 1 month in, you barely know each other, let alone start bringing kids into the picture!!!! I don't understand why so many people feel the need to rush into such seriousness and pretend like they know each other so much better than they actually do. You haven't scratched the surface of who he is yet.

I feel for ALL of the kids involved. Yours for having to have gone through the horrific violence you suffered from your ex, and his for having to be introduced to you so early on when you haven't established a firm foundation. With what you have gone through, why don't you recognize how important it is to be careful with your relationships, and who you bring into your life?

I will say this as carefully as I can- Don't you think it is a good idea to hold off on introducing your child to a man, knowing the background of what has happened? Actually get to know him, trust that he is truly a good man that means you both no harm, and THEN bring him into your child's life? What if in a month from now you find out something bad about him and need to leave? Wouldn't it have been better for your child to not have been involved at all?

It is Extremely unhealthy for you both to have brought your kids into this situation so early on. You are barely even into your honeymoon period, and you both will be on your best behaviours. You only Assume he is a good man that is good for your family. But you don't know him well enough to determine that. Only the benefit of time can tell you that, but you jumped the whistle.

It's shocking to me that you have decided that you are going to love his girls like your own, and are pushing yourself onto them, when they don't even know you. Teenage girls have enough on their plate without having to deal with Dad's NEW girlfriend forcing herself on them. If one is shy, then she's shy. Maybe she's intelligent enough to recognize that it's not a good idea to become close to a woman who's only been with Dad for a month? I agree with what another poster said above- they probably weren't ready, they were just trying to make Dad happy.

Too much, too soon. If I was their mother, I would be very very concerned that this is happening 4 weeks in.

You need to seriously leave all your kids out of this for now. Build your own relationship with him FIRST, then think about building a FAMILY.

[smarta$$]

I find it very suspicious that the original poster has not really addressed anyone's concern about this relationship. My guess is trolling.

[basilandthyme]

I find it very suspicious that the original poster has not really addressed anyone's concern about this relationship. My guess is trolling.

I've been having the same thought

[audreyh]

That is only one aspect of things. You don't know him well enough to have met his daughters or for you to have introduced your son to him. He could have any type of issue that you have not known him long enough to have sussed out. Same for him not knowing you long enough to suss out anything other then the honeymoon stage with you.

I hope that you are still in therapy and that you discuss better dating strategies with your therapist.

Why did this man's first marriage end?
Why did you stay with your ex until he nearly killed you?
Why did you have a child with a man that beat the living lights out of you?
Why are you jumping into this relationship so quickly without taking the time to get to know the man before you force yourselves on your children?

So many other issues that you would do well to be discussing with your therapist.

- - - Updated - - -

You've already met them and your son has met him. I suggest you don't try to force one big happy family at this point. Date Robert and leave the children out of it until your relationship isn't in the first trimester.... Like in a year from now when/if you've both discovered that the honeymoon stage is over and you're both still able to function respectfully and with love towards one another after the pink glasses come off.

His ex messed with drugs is the reason why he is divorced and could not stand her drug use.My ex started changing 2 years and I was not aware of it at first and my son is from a previous relationship with his bio dad in his life whom does pay child support.

[Wakeup]

His ex messed with drugs is the reason why he is divorced and could not stand her drug use.My ex started changing 2 years and I was not aware of it at first and my son is from a previous relationship with his bio dad in his life whom does pay child support.

I rest my case.

Audrey: Do you see now why it's a good idea NOT TO INTRODUCE your children to brand new suiters? You should find out if this new guy is "going to change" and he should be making sure that you are not "going to change" before the kids get involved.

Please learn from your past so that you don't keep repeating it.

[megvoh]

It's always best not to rush things in case something doesn't work out, but hopefully even if you and your bf break the kids might remain friends, you never know if they get a long.

[Wakeup]

It's always best not to rush things in case something doesn't work out, but hopefully even if you and your bf break the kids might remain friends, you never know if they get a long.

Well, that's not a consolation prize worth the emotional trauma.

New women coming in and out of their lives (and new men coming in and out of Op's son's life) is NOT teaching them good relationship habits. Not only that, it can be very traumatic to one's emotional well being to have someone they've learned to love no longer be involved in their lives. Just sayin.

[megvoh]

Kids can separate all that BS and just get on with each other like I did, I am sure this lot of kids can too. Parents aside.
They are freaking sharing clothes already.
We don't know if either has introduced lots of new men and women into their kids lives, you are only assuming they have, so we can't know, we don't have the facts only on this guy she's posted about and maybe he is special to her, who knows so she brought him in early. Again only assuming.

That's all I can post for now, got a date to ready for. Cheers all.