I'm grateful to the many people on this board who gave me good advice about my relationship in the past. Here's how things have gone since I last posted:
After a year of dating, I notice he barely sends 1 text a day, never plans dates or even to "hang out" in advance (though doesn't turn you down whenever you suggest coming over his place). That was my BF --Never tries to make any real conversation about how my day or his day was, about his family (he literally told me nothing), or plans he might suggest for the weekend let alone the future. Criticized (actually very highly respected) job even in front of my own mom. Aloof and cold, forget smiles, sweet words, or any sort of physical affection. (My own family noticed his coldness whenever they were around him; he was cold both to them and to me.) In fact, if I asked for a hug or asked if he wanted to come to bed/cuddle, he'd stare and said "you're not 5 years old."
After over a year, he had never said "I love you" -- but besides that, he also never told me anything he loved or appreciated or respected about me- even some dumb random little thing. If I tell him I got praise from a boss at work, he responds "cool" with a flat voice and face, later tells me "what are you a 5 year old? Are you expecting me to pat you on the back?"
Finally I said I wasn't sure we were on the same page -- because I ultimately want marriage & kids, and he hadn't even said he loved me, let alone much else. He responded "I do love you, and I want marriage and kids with you when the time is right." I gave him a hug, said "well you know I had plans with my best friend, can't stand her up. See you later." What did he do? Immediately texted single girl whom he'd met recently to meet him at a bar. She couldn't join, but he proceeded to flirt with her over text for a while, even while sleeping with me. Stuff like "I wish I had more pics of you." A month later, she texts to ask my BF if he'll come over her apartment and drink with her next time she's back in town. My BF responds, "definitely."
And posters here asked me about meeting his family. He once said, "Want proof that family isn't very important to me? I haven't seen mine in 10 years" (they are in a foreign country). Finally he went back to meet them, but I was not invited (he made up a reason). I said "that's fine but I'd love to at least Skype, talk to them on the phone, online, anything. Family's very improtant to me adn I'd love to start to get to know yours." He claimed they knew abut me, but when I finally messaged his sister on Facebook, she said she knew nothing about me and later, she begged me to make my BF care about his family as much as I seem to care about mine. She said, "I feel he has forgotten us."
So, what do I do? At times I thought me asking about the future and being insecure pushed him away. But now I'm wondering if I had every reason to be insecure, and I would never have "pushed" for engagement or whatever if I actually had reason to trust he was serious about me.