Am I just some side chick?

[struckdown]

Six months ago I met this guy online. We're 3 years apart and live 400 miles away. We hit it off from the start, and he was became flirty fast. He admits he's a huge flirt, and that he had cheated before- but he says he believes everyone deserves a second chance. He was quick to tell me he liked me, a lot; and eventually it became love. He'd tell me about how great I am, he'd call me babe/baby. He asked me to be his girlfriend recently, I said no because of my problem with his ex. He was a lot more experienced in relationships than I was. He told me about it, often. At first it didn't bother me, but once I started developing feelings for him it became a problem. He constantly brings up one ex, Susan, who he said he'd been with for 2 years. He says it ended because she left him for some other guy. He sent me a picture of a list of 100 things she loved about him that she made for him (but also added "idk why I still have this"), he's sent me a picture of her and insisted she's pretty, he's talked about how sex was with her, when I don't want to do something like send him nudes he says "it's okay, I still have hers" - after I get mad he says it was a joke, when he says he loves me he compares it to her- he says he never really loved her. She started texting him again wanting to be friends, I told him to reconcile but he said that if he did he knew he'd fall for her again. But now he keeps talking to her, and on top of everything I listed, he constantly sends me screenshots of their conversations. Not that this is significant, but her name went from Suzz to Suzzy on his phone. When she pointed out that all he ever talked about was me he insisted to her that I wasn't his girl. I started getting mad every time he mentioned her. But he'd beg for forgiveness and insist that I'm the only one he loves and wants to be with and that she's just a friend (every time). But after every time of me getting mad he continually mentioned. He knew that it made me mad and he said he hated making me mad, but he kept doing it anyway. I told him that we should end whatever we have and he swore he'd never mention her again and that he'd completely erase her from his life because he didn't want to lose me. I'm still convinced that he still has feelings for her and now I don't know what I'm here for anymore. I've cut down on the flirting because I feel like I'm not who I thought I was to him and he's noticed and asked why everything feels different. I feel like he's just lusting over the idea of me but that he really still loves his ex. It's breaking me cause every time I feel like it's time for me to let this whole thing go, but he always convinces me that I'm everything to him and he can't be without me. What am I to him? Should I stay or should I go? I think I do love him, but don't know if I can keep dealing with this..

[basilandthyme]

I don't know if you're a side chick to him. But he sounds like a fkn insensitive dickhead. Best to cut contact with him before he hurts you worse.

Also, have you ever met him face to face?

[struckdown]

Yes, just once about a month ago

[basilandthyme]

Sweetie, I would suggest you hold back on considering whether or not you love him. You may care about him, be infatuated or otherwise feel warm and fuzzy towards him - but actual love comes when we are together for quite some time and have established respect, compatibility and know that you work well together as a team.

[megvoh]

You don't mention your ex 1 million times to a new girl you want to get with. Dump his rude ass, he still loves her and is shoving that fact in your face.
Tell him to **** off and go be with Susan next time he brings her up and block him.

This : when I don't want to do something like send him nudes he says "it's okay, I still have hers" -
^^WTF unacceptable behavior on his part.

[Wakeup]

So? Whatcha gonna do, "struckdown?" Stick in this shithole of a "thing" with this guy or be a smart chickie and dump his skinny ass?

[Nicolelong]

He's not over her, clearly. And not only is he not over her, he uses her as a tool to manipulate you and make you feel inferior. He is absolute scum, and the sooner you are free of him, the better.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I think this one is pretty much a no-brainer. Let's pretend for a second that he is 100% sincere in that he loves you and only you......

Even that does not make anything he has done or said okay.

Here's the kicker, though.... I sincerely doubt he is actually being truthful with you. As the others have said, I think he is still hung up on this other girl, and not only that, but he uses her as an attempt to manipulate you. So, why in the heck would you let him get away with that? Dump him and never look back. Not to mention, you said you are 400 miles apart. How are you two ever supposed to have a real relationship anyway? Unless one or both of you was willing to move closer, or move in together, how can you have a relationship from that far away?

Bottom line, though, it is pretty stupid to be constantly talking about your ex with a new love interest. Not only that, but some of the things he said are not innocent or "just a joke." Doing things like asking for you to send him nude pics, and then when you refuse saying "It's okay, I still have my ex's pics," .... Yeah, that's NOT a joke and that is NOT funny in the least. That is extremely immature and heartless. Frankly, I'm not sure why you'd even still want to be with this loser.

Do yourself a favor. Dump him, don't ever look back, and then take some time to yourself. Eventually you will find a guy who will realize how lucky he is to have you and will act like it. Don't waste your time on a scuzzball like this. Good luck to you.