Age gap relationship anxiety

[happyismoho]

And she is young enough that she might agree.

There is no might about it and it has nothing to do with her age!

[vashti]

There is no might about it and it has nothing to do with her age!

Suuuure it doesn't!

How do her parents feel about it? Is it enough for them that you merely offer the possibility of some modicum of financial security in exchange for her youth? I don't think most parents would be okay with it. Sure, it's all fun and games for now, but her middle-aged years would be spent being your caretaker, and your eventual death would very possibly render her a widow long before she should be, and she would be kind of old to be looking for a replacement....

[happyismoho]

Suuuure it doesn't!

How do her parents feel about it? Is it enough for them that you merely offer the possibility of some modicum of financial security in exchange for her youth? I don't think most parents would be okay with it. Sure, it's all fun and games for now, but her middle-aged years would be spent being your caretaker, and your eventual death would very possibly render her a widow long before she should be, and she would be kind of old to be looking for a replacement....

Ha ha I think someone needs a hug!

I could continue this little tit for tat conversation with you but I just don't want to, I'll leave it there, all the best.

To everyone else that took time to comment, thank you.

[vashti]

Haha!

I see what you did there... got you thinking. Sucks to be the grown-up, doesn't it?

[bbbb]

happyismoho,

since I am a girl of 25 (and was 24 when we met) in a relationship with a 38-year-old guy, I thought you might like to have some insight from the younger side - not that I think your girlfriend is not being honest with you; I just find that I myself have trouble telling all my fears to my man, for one reason or another.

I think there are similarities between us as couples in that I think myself independent and mature, and he is very fit for his age and has a youthful spirit. He has a 9-year-old daughter who he sadly doesn't see often enough - I have met her several times and am glad to say she is absolutely adorable and we have no problem getting on, but I do feel it would be a challenge if she was a teenager in the midst of a storm of hormones and defiance against the whole world. This is one thing I was very apprehensive of - him having a daughter, although she lives with his ex and he never had any demands for me to even meet her. I've known of her since the day we met.

Another thing I was afraid of is what was already mentioned in the thread - that he would grow old sooner than I - the main point was not even that I'd have to care for him like for an old man (I don't think that would happen - as I said, he's very fit and so is his family), but the thought that I might want to travel, see the world, go for nights out, have fun, while he'd be already "over it". I soon realised it was nonsense; and in any case, even if we never got to see the whole wide world, I realised I'm much happier at home by his side than travelling with friends or on my own (I've gone away without him for a few weeks at a time, mainly to visit my family back home - I live in the UK and my boyfriend is English, but I am not). Whether your girlfriend feels, or will ultimately come to feel the same way, largely depends on her personality - I've always considered myself a wild, restless spirit, so when I go away and miss him terribly and find anything upwards of 3 weeks without him unbearable, I see it as a choice rather than my "dependence" on him.

Of the things I fear to tell him, they concern our future together, but my fear does not relate to his age alone; he left everything to his ex when they divorced five years ago and changed careers two years ago - he doesn't make much money now and I mostly fear that we won't have enough to provide for our future kids. I also fear putting having kids off too much - I would love to have kids now, I feel ready as a woman, but I am still studying and only working part-time so it's not the best moment at all. But I would love him to be able to play football with them and not differ too much from other kids' dads, and I fear if we wait too long he'll be grey before they are teens...

I do get what you mean by finding a true soulmate. I am young but it already seems clear that people we get on with immediately and understand without words are not dime a dozen, and I don't think you should deny yourself and your girlfriend a chance to be happy for fear of the great unknown lurking ahead.

(That said, before I met my boyfriend I had a brief friendship with a man 25 years my senior, with whom I felt an unbelievable soul bond, but when I confessed I thought myself in love with him, he gently "spurned" me. I did not take it well, the foolish youngster that I was, and we lost touch, though without resenting each other. I do understand now he wanted to protect me but whether we'll meet again to remain friends is difficult to say. Anyway, the point being, 25 years age difference is too much imo)

- - - Updated - - -

Not sure what happened to my post, so I'll try again and copy+paste:

happyismoho,

since I am a girl of 25 (and was 24 when we met) in a relationship with a 38-year-old guy, I thought you might like to have some insight from the younger side - not that I think your girlfriend is not being honest with you; I just find that I myself have trouble telling all my fears to my man, for one reason or another.

I think there are similarities between us as couples in that I think myself independent and mature, and he is very fit for his age and has a youthful spirit. He has a 9-year-old daughter who he sadly doesn't see often enough - I have met her several times and am glad to say she is absolutely adorable and we have no problem getting on, but I do feel it would be a challenge if she was a teenager in the midst of a storm of hormones and defiance against the whole world. This is one thing I was very apprehensive of - him having a daughter, although she lives with his ex and he never had any demands for me to even meet her. I've known of her since the day we met.

Another thing I was afraid of is what was already mentioned in the thread - that he would grow old sooner than I - the main point was not even that I'd have to care for him like for an old man (I don't think that would happen - as I said, he's very fit and so is his family), but the thought that I might want to travel, see the world, go for nights out, have fun, while he'd be already "over it". I soon realised it was nonsense; and in any case, even if we never got to see the whole wide world, I realised I'm much happier at home by his side than travelling with friends or on my own (I've gone away without him for a few weeks at a time, mainly to visit my family back home - I live in the UK and my boyfriend is English, but I am not). Whether your girlfriend feels, or will ultimately come to feel the same way, largely depends on her personality - I've always considered myself a wild, restless spirit, so when I go away and miss him terribly and find anything upwards of 3 weeks without him unbearable, I see it as a choice rather than my "dependence" on him.

Of the things I fear to tell him, they concern our future together, but my fear does not relate to his age alone; he left everything to his ex when they divorced five years ago and changed careers two years ago - he doesn't make much money now and I mostly fear that we won't have enough to provide for our future kids. I also fear putting having kids off too much - I would love to have kids now, I feel ready as a woman, but I am still studying and only working part-time so it's not the best moment at all. But I would love him to be able to play football with them and not differ too much from other kids' dads, and I fear if we wait too long he'll be grey before they are teens...

I do get what you mean by finding a true soulmate. I am young but it already seems clear that people we get on with immediately and understand without words are not dime a dozen, and I don't think you should deny yourself and your girlfriend a chance to be happy for fear of the great unknown lurking ahead.

(That said, before I met my boyfriend I had a brief friendship with a man 25 years my senior, with whom I felt an unbelievable soul bond, but when I confessed I thought myself in love with him, he gently "spurned" me. I did not take it well, the foolish youngster that I was, and we lost touch, though without resenting each other. I do understand now he wanted to protect me but whether we'll meet again to remain friends is difficult to say. Anyway, the point being, 25 years age difference is too much imo)